I 40m found out my wife 44f of 15yrs withheld the truth. It feels small in my mind but it has my stomach in knots the more I think about it.
She got a going away gift from a 59m coworker 2mo ago. She told me he was gay when she showed me it. I was like whatever. It was a journal that had a cute look alike cartoon of her on the front, like snapchat avatar. It was a personal and thoughtful gift that took a little bit of planning. Big whoop, right.
She left it out when she left for work the other day and had a paper sticking out of it. I snooped and looked at it. It was a poem or motivational sort of 1 pager that I think it would have teared her up a bit. It implied to me that she has had confided in him and had some personal conversations. He put his name and the date on it. She never mentioned it.
I looked him up. He isn’t gay from what I’m seeing. He is currently married to a woman. Found his number after that and found one incoming text on the phone bill around the same time 2mo ago. I’m thinking maybe she gave him her number and he texted to give her his.
Am I being insecure? I want more info. And I want to know why she feels a need to lie like that to me.
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☹️ Yikes. No you’re not being insecure. There’s more to it if she lied about it.
Sounds like an emotional affair or the start of one. Has his number showed up in the phone bill since? Alarm bells are going off. If there’s only one text between them, I’d be concerned that they’d be contacting each other on another messaging app.
Say nothing. But do some recon on her phone.
Hm, you are digging through phone history over a gift or notebook, no wonder she left details out.
You might want to snoop on her phone to see if they are communicating on other platforms like WhatsApp or Messenger before confronting her about him. Get as much info as you can before she can delete it.
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If she lied and said he was gay, it was so he didn’t appear to be a threat to you. So could be he actually is. Have you spoke to her about your revelations?
The note
Sista, my sista
She walks- head held high,
Determination in every stride, each one taken with strength and pride
She speaks filling the room which commands authority and respect.
If you value your life, you better watch what you say next.
Her eyes are full of love yet focused and demanding.
Her stare can make you smile or fear your death.
When she enters the room – all attention is on her
From the style of her hair to clothes she wears.
She is a force to be reckoned with
She’s not just the thunder, push her-and she becomes the storm
Feel the force of her wrath, or the warmth of her love
She stands the test of time and will be your best friend
Nothing is too large, too hard, or too small
She gives you her best, her last, expecting nothing in return
She is a healer, a helper, a mother bear and quite the protector-don’t try her
She is all that and so much more. She is:
Sista, My Sista
If it wasn’t for the lie with telling you that he was gay (when he isn’t), but if she was truthful from the start. I would’ve said to that it was likely just a parting gift from a co worker that she has a platonic friendship with.
However, she did lie and that is a red flag.
Why did she feel the need to lie unless she’s intentionally hiding something from you? An emotional affair with him? A physical affair perhaps?
If you want to get to the bottom of this then you will need to ask her directly why she lied about him being gay.
If she doesn’t give an honest answer, deflects the question or tries to gaslight you for being ‘insecure’ then you probably have your answer that she’s hiding something from you.
That’s when you give her the ultimatum that you suspect that she’s hiding something from you and you now want to look at her phone. Not later today, tomorrow or next week, but now. Don’t give her the opportunity to delete stuff off of her phone. And if she refuses, inform her that you will immediately begin consulting a divorce lawyer to initiate divorce proceedings.
If she does give you her phone, look every where on that phone. Messages, her call log, whatsapp, snapchat, Facebook Messenger, Instagram, any potential hidden messaging apps, her photos.
Don’t leave a single stone unturned when you’re combing through her phone.
After all of that and if she has been having an affair, that’s when you decide if you want to remain married, seek marriage counselling or seek advice from a divorce lawyer.
Does your wife have the right to have friends at work? Are you feeling insecure because maybe you know you have not been fulfilling her needs? Either relax and let her live her life or shape up and live yours better . There is competition in this world.
Saw the poem, which does seem kinda harmless, but he mentions love a lot. Maybe she fell for him and he is sort of dancing the line but now wants to leave a good impression incase he wants to come back to something, keep her hanging waiting for more? the fact she lied does seem like she is obviously hiding more. I’m thinking she wanted an emotional affair or more, he noticed and is buttering her up incase there’s a good time for it. I’d just show her this reddit post and how it just can’t be taken any other way, she did something wrong.
Divorce.
I dunno. I (46F) work in a male dominated field. I have become pretty close friends with several of my male colleagues over the years. Was especially close to my boss and another colleague that I traveled with a lot for several years. All of us married. Lots of personal convos over dinners and on planes and working on projects.
When I left my company after 10 years, I got gifts. Pretty personal ones because people knew me well. And these are people I still talk to on the phone or social media.
No affairs.
Unless there is some other reason you don’t trust your wife, this seems rather harmless to me.
>It was a personal and thoughtful gift that took a little bit of planning.
>Big whoop, right.
Can you blame her? You sound like a clod.
After reading the note, I dont think he is into your wife like that, and it could very well be that she thought he was gay, not that she was being shady when she said he was gay. The note reads like some girl boss, yassssss queen type stuff.
You should have led with the note 🤣🤣🤣🤣 maybe her gaydar is going off and she feels like he’s gay or something so she said that to you so you wouldn’t think it was fishy lol. Leave that lady alone you have nothing to worry about 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Perhaps he was the one that confided to her that he was homosexual, and there is plenty of homosexuals in lavender marriages.
Perhaps there is more to your trust issues…