46M struggling with 40F breakup after one and a half years. We have been broken up for one month now but still message every day. She’s the one that had broken up and started seeing a guy right after and even sent a picture of them together. That didn’t last long however and we’ve been talking but she still said she needs time to heal. I’ll admit I’ve been pretty persistent contacting her when I shouldn’t. Things seemed to be improving but she still said she was confused. We live in a very small town and the walking track that I’ve used consistently for years is near her house. On a day she went silent for a while and I saw a strange vehicle in her driveway I jumped to conclusions and when she messaged I just asked if another guy was there, it turned out to be some family. Now I’ve set everything back and she thinks I’m trying to spy on her and control her. I apologized and own my mistake for the way I acted. She’s in therapy and has past relationship issues, so anything is magnified to her than it would be to most people.
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Are you in therapy? Because your behavior is not healthy.
Speaking as a completely objective third-party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter, I think you should forget about her and move on because you sound toxic for each other.
Are you in therapy? You need to give both of you space, Mister
Honestly, you didn’t trust her to begin with if the first thing you think is that she has another guy there. You need to just leave her be and give her space.
You need some therapy, with a side of time and space.
She can do whatever she wants, yall are not together nor did you even have the right to ask that question.
I suggest going no contact to give yourself time to move on.
OP, your situation seems like a real tangled mess, but I can’t help wondering… how do you expect to rebuild trust if your first instinct is to question her every move? Like, what’s the deal with that?
Why re you doing this to yourself? Have some self respect. She’s moved on and you need to do so too. Block her on everything before she reports you to the police
Leave her alone. Stop messaging stop stalking stop assuming stop all of it.
Noether of you are going to heal and move on until you leave each other alone.
None of this is healthy. You need to cut contact with this woman and seek therapy. You do not need to be driving past her house, you do not need to be talking to her at all.
What if she just had an old friend over for tea? Or a cleaning person?
Stop messaging. She ain’t your girl
Do you hear yourself? She dumped you. She threw you away. She decided nobody or anybody else is better. Why on earth are you still talking to her. Desperation is not attractive and that’s all you’re showing her. Cut communication at once. Pull it together. Realize there are in fact other and better options out there. Get your head out of your rear end. Stop being creepy to her. Move on. This is over.
She ended the relationship, and by holding on and texting all day you are not letting go so that you can heal and move on. This is not healthy for either one of you. Right now you are thinking you would like to get back together, even though it’s with someone who doesn’t wanna be with you. But if you really meant that you would give her a lot of space and Give her a chance to miss you and miss your relationship.
This is a big steaming bowl of hot mess.
You guys are both terrible for each other and the contact is making that worse. Stop, block, whatever you have to do to pull yourself out of this, and start working on getting your head on straight. This will destroy both of you if you keep feeding it. Move on and work on developing healthier ways to connect.
Please seek mental help. This is psychotic behavior from you to drive by her house. Grow a spine and move on. She doesn’t want you and literally sent photos of her with another man to you.
You’re broken up so you’re both allowed to be seeing other people. I don’t think your behavior is healthy for either of you. You should take a break and try to casually see some other people so you don’t waste the rest of your 40s on this drama.
By the time she sent that picture of her and another guy to you, you should have written her off. That’s a sick thing to do (she’s sick!). She put you on edge on purpose. So, of course, you can not trust her. I’m shocked that you went back to her. She wasn’t trying to make you feel good. Don’t let her guilt you into thinking that she didn’t cause the mistrust. She has you all twisted.