I am a 57F who has had a 10 year friendship with 57M. my friend was widowed a little over a year ago. My friend and I work together but also text after work hours on hobbies and interests. we also occasionally attended events in groups prior to his wife’s death. After her death we grew closer, spending spare time at work including eating lunch together. I realized I feelings for him about 3 years ago. He invited me to his daughters wedding in March where family members commented about how much they had heard about me.
i received a text message from him today stating that because he was concerned about rumors at work that we should limit our time at work to strictly business. He said he wanted to continue or friendship of texting and phone calls after hours and valued our friendship. He said he wanted me to call him. I called him and we had the usual fun conversation, the call lasted about 1 1/2 hours. Towards the end of our talk I asked for clarification on what we could do at work. He said he didn’t date co-workers. That prompted me to ask if he could ever consider me beyond a friend. He said no and said he was talking to a woman he used to work with.
I told him I couldn’t continue on with our friendship since I had been in love with him for years. It would certainly be too painful to continue communicating outside the office knowing he didn’t view me as anything beyond a friend, Was it a good decision to blow up my friendship to protect my feelings?
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You did good. It’s shooting yourself in the foot if you stay friends with someone that you have a crush on and they have said they don’t see you in that way. It wouldn’t be a real friendship if you’re just hanging around waiting for them to fall for you. Time to move on and spend time with other people outside of work. The less time you spend with him, the easier it will be to get over him.
You did the right thing, you set your boundaries in protecting yourself and being respectful with his own. It’s not wrong to fall for a friend, it happens. However, we must do what’s best for us and the other party before things get messy. Let’s say you stayed and kept your unrequited love, what happens if the person he’s pursuing finds out and is uncomfortable you guys are still connected? It would be too complicated and be more hurtful if he were the one to cut it off.
I think you did the right thing. As painful as it was, to continue being close while he holds you at a distance would be harder still. He’s making a big mistake letting you go. Maybe he’ll come to see that in your absence.
You shot your shot and he didn’t reciprocate. Focus on yourself and mourn the end of the personal relationship