I (20m) was 5 when my dad married Ellen. Ellen was a widow and she had five kids. Her oldest four were all older as in late teens to 20s. Her youngest was 7. My mom bailed on me when I was 3 so I didn’t have an active mom and I was an only child. Ellen didn’t fill any motherly role for me and her kids were clear that I was less than a stranger.
Ellen’s youngest never wanted to hang out or play with me. For a little while when we first started living together I thought we would. But he always moved away or told me to go away when I tried to play or spend time with him. He ignored me the rest of the time and would sometimes refuse to say anything when I talked to him.
Ellen’s older kids would all come and visit their brother and ignore me. They’d bring him toys, candy, take him to see movies or bring him for treats like McDonald’s. Not only was I not welcome but a few times they were asked to take me and I’d hear it from them when they told me I wasn’t their brother and that meant I couldn’t come and I better not get upset about it so they’d be asked again.
Christmas and other holidays where they visited their brother it was always like that. I was left out and they were angry I was even there to begin with. My dad would try to cheer me up or spend a little extra on me but it didn’t help because I was living in a house where the kid around my age, who was supposed to be family wanted nothing to do with me and his siblings who were supposedly my family too wanted nothing to do with me AND would be mean about excluding me. They liked rubbing it in.
I was miserable and I didn’t have any extended family to fall back on so I had to suck it up. I started avoiding celebrations when I could. And I focused on me. When I did that I heard Ellen’s kids say stuff was better without me ruining everything and if only dad was gone it would be perfect.
I decided to focus on getting out of dad’s house ASAP and I couch surfed for months after I turned 18 before settling into a place with some friends. I still talk to dad, but not a lot. He mentioned recently that I should come for a family dinner with him, Ellen, her kids and some of her extended family. I told him they’re not my family and I would not be welcome so I won’t be going. Dad told me we might not get along all the time but we are family. I told him they’re not and he made the choice to stay knowing they rejected me and now I wasn’t going to pretend we’re something we’re not and never were.
He told me it wasn’t fair because he made sure I didn’t miss out on stuff all the same. I told him being rejected by everyone else and ostracized in my own home was not made up for with a few material things. AITA?
Comments
NTA. You were treated like an outsider for your entire childhood, that’s definietly not something a few gifts or outings can erase. Your dad may have stayed, but that doesn’t mean you owe those people the title of family.
You can do whatever you want. Youre an adult.
NTA. your dad chose getting his dick wet over raising you in a loving household, there is zero reason why you should be keeping a relationship with him. your father is a failure as a parent and human being.
NTA- I’m sorry you had that upbringing, your dad should have set boundaries and stood up for you.
You are entitled to protect yourself from anyone, even your dad and his fake family
NTA, looks like having a spine skipped a generation for your dad. Keep living your best live.
You’re NTA. Your dad is for picking them and their comfort over yours, everyday. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I have had the same experience with my sperm donors other wives families (multiple marriages).
NTA. Well done. Keep to that feeling. Focus on making your life better for you. Treat all others as noise. Don’t worry about your dad’s feelings. He’ll hopefully accept it or get over it.
If he asks again tell him he was so worried about being with a woman instead of his own child and that he chose people who aren’t related to him over his own son and that he needs to leave you alone
Unless he wants to start having 1 on 1 time with you, his efforts now are worthless. His “family” never wanted anything to do with you. Too little, too late.