Broke her script, so JNMIL re-enters with old, little used tactic

UPDATE: She never sent a gift I could return, but there’s still time for that. However, 19 days after backing herself into a corner, MIL broke the silence and texted my DH a photo of himself at 8 years old, smiling at a budgie that was sitting on his shoulder, the pet of a friend. MIL wrote, “Peter liked you.” DH is 55 years old now, and THIS is how his mother wants to handle the matter?? With a nostalgic hook to try and re-enter the picture without any accountability? Classic JNMIL. DH saw it immediately and said, “Wow, she hasn’t tried this tactic in a looooong time. I should write back, ‘I hate birds.’” 😆 But we decided her text doesn’t warrant a reply. She’s always so off the mark in the way she tries to handle conflict.

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Original post –

Obliterating her script with a side of the too tall DIL saga continued…

It was time, really. My MIL has a lifetime history of crazy-making, and she most definitely has a pattern she follows whenever dh and I have called her out on her bad behavior. First, she acts wounded. This then turns to rage, name calling, insults, etc., and she flips the narrative entirely and becomes the victim. Then she plays the martyr, and finally she love bombs with gifts before conveniently forgetting that anything happened and re-enters the picture with zero accountability or changed behavior. Thirty two years its been this way and its a very large part of the reasons we’ve been low contact with her the past decade.

So when dh and I called her and her best friend out on their catty behavior that recently occurred during our first visit with her this year (her friend commented to me that she and MIL thought my husband would be much more alive in the arms of a woman who is actually beautiful and they had stood at a distance admiring him speaking to a woman they thought fit that bill and mil’s friend told me about it after), mil’s responses were predictable. First she tried to tell dh they didn’t mean it that way. She told him she does think I am pretty, she only didnt like my high heels that day ” because I DO NOT like looking up to your wife”. Then she texted me and apologized that I found out. Zero apologies for the hurt or for their behavior. Performative tears that she literally said were because she was so upset her friend told me. Then she tripped over herself spewing compliments, telling me Im “beautiful too, and stunning even.” This woman has not once told me Im beautiful in the 3 decades Ive known her and she has a history of pitting me against other women and trying to get my husband to think he’s missed out on something better. Unsuccessfully. My guy is incredibly loyal and loving to me, and 100% faithful. Zero concerns there.

So I flat out told her dh and I are in agreement … behavior or speech that undermines our marriage will not be tolerated. Its disgusting to try and break up a happy marriage of over 3 decades. Then I told her that because it has never been in her nature to affirm me in the way she was now trying to, I would prefer she not comment on my looks or physical appearance at all moving forward.

She completely thought the fake apology and compliments would work. When they didn’t she left a frantic message for dh telling him he needed to call her right back and have a conversation with her without me present. But we know her script. This would only be to gain emotional leverage and rewrite events. He refused to call her.

A couple days later she had adopted her martyr persona and sent dh a text saying she had tried everything but it just wasn’t enough for me and she felt sorry she couldn’t make it better. She literally had not contacted me since. So now she was exiling herself and said she hoped she’d get to talk to her son again sometime … trailed off voice, stricken maiden style.

Dh texted back and said “Ok. We’re moving past this but as you take the time and distance you need to process what was actually said, just remember this is about our pain, not yours.”

Oh, my word. She has no script for that. We didn’t chase after her, didn’t appease her, didn’t buy in, and refused to center her. In addition, the exiling herself commentary was just bait because she wanted her son to rescue her but instead he said ok, like … have fun with that choice. And now she’s trapped by her own words and for the first time has zero clue how to get control back.

We know she’s just absolutely seething and losing the plot right about now but man, this radio silence is phenomenally wonderful.

I’m waiting to get the horrible gift in the mail now, which I will send back with refused stamped on it. The only gift I want is a decent mother-in-law who finally respects the role I fill and I cant get that from her, so she can keep her junk and her attitude because its all she has left to help her feel less lonely in her old age.