For context I’m 29 and engaged. I love my fiance more than anything, but I’ve spent all but 6 months of the past 12 years in a relationship (half with her, half with someone else). Sometimes I feel like I should have spent more time focused on me. I would NEVER break up with her, but is it ok for me to feel this way? Should I talk to her about it?
Is it ok to question your relationship?
r/Advice
Comments
It’s normal to question your relationship because ignoring it breeds toxicity. After a decade in love, craving space is just your soul seeking balance.
Yeah it’s normal to wonder about that especially if you’ve been in relationships most of your adult life You can acknowledge those feelings without it meaning you don’t love her Talking about it could actually help you feel more grounded together
Yes it’s normal
Maybe take a decent sized vacation solo.
yes, it’s normal! i’ve been with my now husband for 5 years, but during our engagement i also questioned if i should have spent more time on my own. i’ve never been on my own, and i felt like i needed to experience it at least at some point in my life. take a little self-care trip for a few days – it’ll give you space to think, to experience yourself, and give you a little “reset” of sorts.
Taking space is always healthy because that’s how you’ll strengthen the relationship
It’s okay to question your relationship, but that’s something that you should’ve done waaay back before you hit the 2 years mark with your fiancé. If what you’re worried about is focusing on yourself, you can always improve yourself in a relationship. People change and grow as you get older. As long as you’re not doing anything wrong in your relationship.
I guess another question would be why are you second guessing your relationship?
My husband is my BEST friend. He’s the best. Been with him 12 years. He’s my favorite human in the world.
But also, being around someone (even when they are your FAVORITE) 24/7 is a lot.
Here’s what I will ask you – do you have hobbies that you do by yourself? Have you ever traveled alone? And does your partner KNOW that you need alone time sometimes?
My husband and I have spoken – he needs GoldenCricket3 time to recharge his battery. I charge him up.
For me? I recharge alone. It has literally NOTHING to do with him. I just need to be completely alone to recharge. So if I say “I’m going to go take a nap” it is code (which we have agreed upon in advance) for “I’m going to go to the bedroom, by myself, and I may or may not sleep! Maybe I’ll watch TV, maybe I’ll read, maybe I will sleep – but I need to be alone – and I’ll surface when I’m ready.”
He also knows that at least once a month he NEEDS to go have a boys night because I need a night alone, in my home, by myself. IT doesn’t mean I don’t love him – it means that I am the BEST Wife and best version of myself when I can properly recharge.
I DO think a conversation with your fiance needs to happen. But I think you need to phrase it as a conversation about extrovert vs. introvert and how you recharge.
It’s totally normal to have doubts sometimes, especially when you’re young and this is a big commitment, but the fact that you still love her and don’t want to break up suggests these might just be cold feet. Talking to her about wanting to spend more quality time together could actually strengthen your relationship instead of creating problems.
Yes it’s normal. No relationship is perfect, taking space is the best thing to do
Everything is tradeoffs, I’d want my partner to talk to me about these feelings.
I think it’s totally normal. Especially if you’ve spent almost the entirety of the last 12 years without any time being single. Questions are great. It’s doubt that tends to be an issue on the run-up to a wedding. Chances are, if she’s a sound lass, she’d totally understand.