Before I start, I should say I am not planning to introduce them for another few months (thinking October at the earliest), but my daughter (9F) is on the spectrum, so introducing new people needs serious planning in advance. So I need to start thinking about this now.
This is entirely uncharted experience for me. I’ve never had to do this before – the last romantic relationship I had was with my daughter’s father (we’re divorcing). I have introduced new friends, or new family members, but not a romantic partner. I have no idea where to start. When the right time is. Anything.
Does anyone have any advice on how to introduce a new romantic partner to their kids when the time is ready? What pitfalls should I avoid? Are there any red flags to look out for? How do I make this the easiest for my daughter? Also any advice on knowing when is the right time?
Obviously being special needs complicates thing, but just any advice from anyone whether their kids are on the spectrum or not would be appreciated. Or sharing any experiences both good and bad.
Again, I am just in the thinking stage. No plans are set in stone but we are starting to get serious so this is something that will crop up if we continue to do so. I just don’t know how to tell when the right time is, how will I know when all three of us are ready? And if/when the right time crops up, how do I handle it?
Comments
I would speak to your pediatrician.
For your daughter, this is a complicated and very sensitive topic, and because all kids are different, there’s no one size fits all answer to the questions that you raise.
I believe a gentle first step could be introducing your partner as a “friend” in a casual, low-pressure setting. Like a short outing or shared activity your daughter enjoys. Keep it brief at first, and allow her to set the pace. WATCH her comfort level and adjust accordingly. Before the meeting, prepare her with simple, concrete info about who this person is and what to expect. Afterward, check in with her feelings. The “right time” often isn’t a perfect moment, but more about when your relationship feels stable and when you sense she’s emotionally secure and has had time to adjust post-divorce. Go slow, stay honest, and follow her lead where you can. Hope this helps
have you talked to her about your partner? If not, start there. Let her sit with the idea of him for awhile. Mention things they have in common. I believe with neurodivergent kids, it’s suggested to wait longer to introduce new partners (like a year) but talk to her doctor/therapist who can offer more personalized insight.
When the time comes, pick a place she feels comfortable and keep the first meeting short. Don’t try to push conversation between them. Consider activities they can do side by side so she doesn’t feel pressure to engage too much with him if she’s not ready (chalk drawing outside, legos, etc)