My son (8M) had to create a family tree for a school project and I helped him. His grandma (my mom) has been married three times – to my dad for 20 years, “John” for 9 years, and “Jerry” for two years and counting. My dad, her first husband, passed away long before my son was born. Her second husband “John” was already in the picture when my son was born and was super involved from the start… he loves my son and does so much for him, even now after he and my mom divorced. My son considers him “grandpa” and my dad is “grandpa in heaven.” After my mom and John divorced she married “Jerry”, her third husband – he’s a nice enough guy but has never liked children and doesn’t make any effort to interact with my son.
When we were making the family tree, my son really wanted to include John as a grandpa on his project in addition to my dad. Again, he is the only grandpa he’s known in real life and my son loves him dearly. I said that would be ok, but that we should also include Jerry, since Jerry is my mom’s husband now. My son was okay with that and we had a blast finishing the project!
Well, my mom came over yesterday and saw the family tree sitting on the counter. She absolutely lost it when she saw that she is attached to three husbands – I explained that my son wanted John included so I thought it would be best to include Jerry as well, and she started screaming that I should have never done that, that we’re trying to make her look bad, and that she can’t believe I’ve represented her this way. Then she left! I was shocked and have tried reaching out to her since then but she’s refusing to text or call me back. AITA??
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My son (8M) had to create a family tree for a school project and I helped him. His grandma (my mom) has been married three times – to my dad for 20 years, “John” for 9 years, and “Jerry” for two years and counting. My dad, her first husband, passed away long before my son was born. Her second husband “John” was already in the picture when my son was born and was super involved from the start… he loves my son and does so much for him, even now after he and my mom divorced. My son considers him “grandpa” and my dad is “grandpa in heaven.” After my mom and John divorced she married “Jerry”, her third husband – he’s a nice enough guy but has never liked children and doesn’t make any effort to interact with my son.
When we were making the family tree, my son really wanted to include John as a grandpa on his project in addition to my dad. Again, he is the only grandpa he’s known in real life and my son loves him dearly. I said that would be ok, but that we should also include Jerry, since Jerry is my mom’s husband now. My son was okay with that and we had a blast finishing the project!
Well, my mom came over yesterday and saw the family tree sitting on the counter. She absolutely lost it when she saw that she is attached to three husbands – I explained that my son wanted John included so I thought it would be best to include Jerry as well, and she started screaming that I should have never done that, that we’re trying to make her look bad, and that she can’t believe I’ve represented her this way. Then she left! I was shocked and have tried reaching out to her since then but she’s refusing to text or call me back. AITA??
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I included three of my moms husbands on a family tree 2) I guess I might be an asshole because the family tree was for a school project for my son, and I probably could have just put his one biological grandpa on it instead of his stand-in grandpas
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA good for you to acknowledge all “families” look different. Your mom is just mad at herself.
YTA. Do you…not understand what a family tree is? The assignment is about tracing one’s lineage, not about including everyone Grandma had a relationship with. If your son wants to remember other people, do that on NOT a school assignment
INFO What is the point of the family tree? How many generations is it supposed to include? Is it supposed to be factual?
NTA-it’s about your son. not your mom. If he wants to include his grandpa because that’s his family then he should be allowed to include his grandpa.
NTA…Both you and your son had an open mind and an open heart as you worked on the project. Your mother has nothing to be ashamed of or be angry about.
NAH
When I saw the title, I actually assumed that shaming her had been your intention.
In this scenario, you’d usually just put whoever was relevant and exclude the other two. Since your son requested the additional, it might have made more sense to just have the two that your son wanted, since it could probably be anticipated that it DOES look “bad” (based on our judgmental society) that she was married 3 times, if everyone else’s trees are neatly connected to 1 or 0 people.
NTA. I think your rationale was reasonable, and it’s a kid project that isn’t being put in an art gallery so who even cares. Your mom’s reaction was over the top.
I actually can see her viewpoint, however. She may feel embarrassed at being on her third marriage, or feel that it has negative connotations and that exposing her marital history to others via a school project was inappropriate. And while the fact IS that she’s been married three times, there is still some societal judgment that goes along with that, not to mention she may have internal feelings of failure, and some sadness that Jerry isn’t as close with the kids, etc. Point being, those feelings are valid and her reaction probably stemmed from surprise at seeing them laid out for her in your son’s project.
That said, I don’t think there was much you could have done differently so I don’t think it is E S H. I wish she could see the positive here, which is that your son has many loving family members and people in his life who care for him, even if a few of those have been introduced through her marriages. 🙂
Your mom’s reaction suggests some shame around the multiple marriages. Clearly this touched a nerve but it has nothing to do with you.
Just let her throw her tantrum and come back when she is ready.
NTA
NTA
Sorry that she’s embarrassed but it is what it is.
I can’t believe that they still give out this assignment in school.
NTA. Your mum is the one who married 3 guys so why is she bothered? It isn’t like you put her up there with any malice, it is just reality. Your mum is being ridiculous and if SHE is so ashamed of being married 3 times (which I don’t think she needs to be, to each their own) then she should do some self-reflecting. All you and your son did was make an accurate family tree. I have an unusual family dynamic as well and it really is only weird if you make it weird.
“I can’t believe you are telling the truth! How dare you! You were supposed to ignore everything negative about me!!”
Lmao NTA it’s not your fault husband #3 isn’t close to your grandson and her ex is, nor that your father passed away. Completely valid family tree