kind of dramatic… but I’m starting to feel this way. My MIL and I had a decent-ish relationship until my husband and I started wedding planning 2 years ago. We now have a 9 month old daughter and things have just gotten worse. She is the biggest cause of my anxiety – here are some things that have occurred recently that escalated the situation:
A bit of a back-story: I should mention my MIL and FIL are divorced and my FIL is remarried. when we announced we were expecting, my MIL told me that my FIL is already a grandfather and this isn’t going to be his first grandchild. He apparently already had a child before my husband and sister-in-law. My husband never knew this. My MIL literally dropped this bomb on me when we told her I was pregnant and then when I told her that my husband should know and I feel I need to tell him, she said “I wouldn’t.”
During my baby shower last September, my MIL was actually talking about me (during MY baby shower) to my husband’s cousins. She told his cousins that I do not like her, but nothing is going to keep her from her grandbaby. His cousins told me this occurred. I confronted my MIL and she victimized herself saying “no one ever cares about my feelings, I should have just kept it to myself like I always do.”
When we had our baby in November, we told people we do not want anyone kissing her. She did, SEVERAL times and became upset when we told her not to due to sicknesses/her not having her vaccines yet, etc.
Fast forward to recent: She got free baseball tickets from work that she “gifted” to my husband and I as an “anniversary gift” without asking if we wanted them/if that day would work, etc. It was like 90 degree weather that day and we ultimately decided not to go and she gave the tickets to her brother so they got used anyways. She assumed she was going to watch our daughter, without us ever asking her to do so. I had already asked my mom to watch her as my mom does so regularly and this particular event would require someone to put her down for the night which no one besides us have done before and my mom has put her down for naps many times. My MIL got angry and said if we wanted to go out to dinner or do something else (since we weren’t going to the game), she could watch our baby. I told my husband no. He told her we were just staying home. We ended up being out & about and he got a text hours later where I visibly saw his face change. She DROVE BY OUR HOUSE. not once, but TWICE. she said “if you didn’t want me to watch MY grandbaby, you could have told me instead of lying.” She’s literally driving by our house to see if we’re home???? I’m sorry, but that’s crossing a line.
I should add that my husband did respond to this message letting her know that it was out of line and that he is a grown adult with a family of his own & she does not need to be keeping tabs on him. She got EXTREMELY defensive saying “how dare you think I’m psycho” etc. for driving by. He did go and have a face-to-face conversation with her which he said was ultimately a waste of time as she was a victim the entire time and cried the majority of the time/was hysterical and even made comments such as “I’d be better off dead to you.”
Next: My husband’s step-grandfather passed away (MIL’s step-dad). She literally thought we were going to take our 9 month old to the service – she said there’s plenty of room to lay a blanket on the ground for her and when we told her no, she said “please reconsider. She would help us get through the day.” She’s a BABY, not an emotional support animal. There may be mixed feelings on this one, but my husband and I feel that this is not an event a 9 month old should be attending. Especially when it’s pretty much an all-day thing.
I am literally at my wits end and told my husband I do not want a relationship with her. I don’t feel comfortable with her watching our daughter, she definitely seems unstable. I understand that this is his mom, but she has crossed way too many boundaries and I cannot feel comfortable around her any longer. What would you do??? How would you handle this??? I am in therapy. I do speak about this frequently. Am I overreacting? Is she not as bad as I think? Like WHAT IS GOING ON.