Ok so, my dad found out that I have a secret bank account that they don’t know about. He only found out because he did a credit report check and it showed that I have ABC account. He started questioning me about it about when I made and where the card is. I kept saying I made it last year because of the whole student loan thing going on, and I don’t remember where it is it’s been a year since. He’s like no find it and then give it to me. So yesterday morning he said do all your apartment stuff like the insurance and deposits, and give me both your bank account information (the one they know and don’t) so he can monitor it. That lowkey got me mad because what do you mean monitor, I’m almost 20 years old.
Then I just hoped that he forgot about it and again this morning he said to give the information and if I don’t he’s going to be mad. I left the house to run errands for them and one minute after my dad called saying why I didn’t give him the imformation. I played it off saying I was busy figuring out the apartment stuff and I don’t know where the card is. He basically said that oh are you not good in the head, after running errands go to the bank and get a new card and give it to me. I started crying after he hung up the phone. It’s not like I ever ask for anything, I always do what they want. Any chore, any errand, housework, you name it everything. The most I’ve done ever to disobey them is have a boyfriend which they found out about 10 times last year and everytime I had to lie to them that I broke up to make them happy. Because they say what will people think. Last year when they found out about my relationship they made me take out a student loans, I’ve never had a job and not do they allow me to have one and then they say that don’t worry we’ll pay it at the end which I don’t even know if that’s possible because our current financial situation isn’t exactly perfect recently. I’ve talked to my sister about it she’s 16 and she’s telling me don’t give it, why are you trying to make someone happy who doesn’t ask you what makes you happy. Do whatever you want to do, stop caring about others.
The funny part is that my parents also say these lines but don’t exactly apply it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to give that card information because that’s the only way I have some independence and a level of privacy. I’m going to my third year of uni and I can’t even control what I purchase. All the money in my bank account are just left over from the student loans of this year not their money but yet they dictate it. They put the lease payments for the first 6 months because I don’t exactly have the funds for it because I don’t have a job and they said to pay them back the second I get the loans for this year. I just don’t know what to do I can’t give them complete control of my life anymore. I don’t want to be monitored or put on surveillance.
Comments
They’re treating you like a child because they still control your money and your housing. That’s the choking point. Until you’ve got your own income and your own place, you’re stuck playing their game. If you give them that account info, you lose the only financial privacy you have. If you refuse, expect fallout.
There’s no magic line you can say that makes them respect your boundaries right now. The real move is to quietly line up work, start stacking cash where they can’t see it and be ready to eat the short-term shitstorm to get out.
You’re not going to “win” this inside their rules. You’ve got to get to a point where you don’t need their money or their roof or their permission. Until then, I’m sorry but you’re negotiating with no leverage.
From what I’m seeing, it looks like you’re depending on your parents for your financial needs and stability and I can understand why they would want to monitor your money to better prepare you for financial stability but at the same time I can see where you’re coming from, for wanting to have your own money. If you try and communicate with your parents about your account, try explaining that you want this secondary account for your financial future for when you become independent, that could help them understand that you’re not trying to hide something from them. If you suspect your parents wouldnt be understanding with your reasonings on why you have your secret account, try bringing in a family counselor or a close family member or friend to help show them where your coming from and how their controlling behavior affects you to help