Hi all!
I’m a 28M in a new relationship with a 23F. I was in an 8 year relationship before this. So far, everything is going super well. We have a lot of fun together and enjoy spending time with one another. I have a lot of relationship trauma which I’m actively working through via a therapist. However, there are a few things that give me pause.
Her Snapchat is always blowing up with notifications and on the rare occasion I see her screen, it’s from another guy. Even when we are sleeping, I hear it going off. I don’t consider myself the jealous type nor am I controlling on what she does or who she talks to. But I know for a fact that one of the names that appears is an old fling. I feel very confident and secure with myself and ultimately I trust her but there’s always that thing in the back of my mind that says I’m being played or used.
Last week, I had a conversation with her about. (I’m very bad about communicating how I feel so it was challenging but something I’m trying to work on in this newly founded relationship). She assured me that she only had eyes for me and that 99% of her friends are males or male coworkers. It gave me reassurance short term until I started overthinking again because unfortunately that’s what my mind tends to do.
The other thing that makes me worry is that she’s never on her phone in front of me. It’s always far away or in her purse. But, the second I leave her room or go to the bathroom I come back and she’s on it.
Am I overthinking, overreacting, paranoid, or straight up making up scenarios? I really, really like her and undoubtedly see a future with her. But, I don’t necessarily want to repeat our conversation regarding this issue because I fear it’ll make me look very insecure or controlling which I certainly am not.
TL;DR: How do I overcome anxiety about being played or cheated on?