TL;DR: Tried to take a nude photo of my girlfriend to send to her while drunk because of OCD-related fears. She caught me, I came clean, and now she’s unsure about continuing the relationship. How can I handle this respectfully and try to rebuild trust?
I (20M) have been dating my girlfriend (19F) for four months, after talking for six. We both recently got out of long-term relationships and have grown close quickly.
This past weekend, I visited her at college. We were drinking, and we ended up having sex — which was meaningful to both of us. At one point, she joked about not remembering the night. I have severe OCD that causes intense fear of being accused of things I didn’t do. While drunk, I made a poor decision: I tried to take a nude photo of her to send to her as “proof” of consent. She saw me doing this and was understandably upset. I initially lied but then told her the truth.
I understand that obviously this doesn’t make sense, and I immediately regretted it upon doing it, I never intended to hide from her or lie to her, but the look on her face panicked me and in my drunken state I did, being drunk is no excuse but I do think it contributed to my lack of rational. I have always had a deep fear from my OCD of getting in legal trouble for something I didn’t do.
We talked about it, I explained my reasoning (while acknowledging it was wrong), and the rest of the weekend went smoothly. However, now that I’m back home, she’s told me she needs time to think because of “a lot of what-ifs.”
I understand I broke her trust and that she may decide to end things. I want to respect her space, and she obviously has every right to end this relationship. I feel horrible and I am not downplaying my actions in any way I feel like a piece of shit person and I do not deserve her forgiveness. She says her biggest issue isn’t even the picture was taken but rather the fact that I lied about it. I can truly see this girl being my wife and everything has been perfect up to this point. I’m extremely regretful and I’m unsure what to do