I’m a stay at home mom with a young baby. My husband works long hours, leaves at 5 AM, and when he’s home, he’s helping with the baby until he crashes around 9 PM. We get no help at night or on weekends.
Our baby goes to bed late (9–10 PM) no matter what we try, so weekends are mostly my husband catching up on sleep. Between the baby’s schedule and his exhaustion, there’s just no opportunity for intimacy.
I love my husband and I’m not looking outside the marriage, but my sex drive is still high and the lack of physical connection is really getting to me. I feel lonely during the day and at night and it has been going for too long. How do I cope with or suppress these feelings when sex just isn’t realistically possible right now?
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Talk to your husband. Get creative and figure it out. Be honest.
Toys.
Talk to him, put the effort together.
You can ALWAYS find 30 minutes or an hour if you set your minds to it.
Make some time, you know?
Be honest and make dates. Try harder to put the baby down earlier. Work it out on the weekends. Hire a babysitter and make a date. Keep trying before it builds up too much. Good luck! ❤️❤️
Solo
Time
Make a scheduled date night for some one on one loving . Once every week if possible if not once every two weeks Then get yourself some toys or an adjustable shower head they are WONDERFUL 😜
Babysitter when you can, or sneak in intimacy while the baby naps. Until then? Masturbation.
vulnerably express from the heart how you’ve been feeling, I’m sure he’d be happy to meet your needs, our instincts to cherish your heart are activated when expressed vulnerably from your heart space.
Start by giving him a BJ he should want to give it to you after you turn him on
When is baby’s nap time? If they’re not scheduled then you will always struggle with bedtimes at night. What for example is the time of the baby’s last nap in the day?
Here is what strikes me most sharply from your account: beneath the lofty veil of “physical connection,” what you’re really craving is sex—naked, unambiguous, and fundamental. Your husband’s grueling schedule, fading into an early collapse night after relentless mornings, begs the question: what kind of toil consumes him? Physical? Mental? Or both? This is no triviality. Chronic exhaustion is the sworn enemy of testosterone production, the very hormone that fuels his vigor and desire. One would assume, by now, you’d have reached out to other wives running this same relentless treadmill; yet your silence on resourcefulness betrays either a lack of initiative or a reluctance to seek out any solution beyond your own echo chamber. It’s baffling. Testosterone supplementation isn’t a panacea, but it is scientifically validated to rekindle mental sharpness and sexual appetite when fatigue has laid waste to them. That conversation appears suspiciously absent from your marital repertoire.
And then there’s the almost theatrical lament: “no opportunity for intimacy.” No family, no babysitter, no network—this sounds less like mere circumstance and more like a self-imposed exile. Have you genuinely canvassed your community for avenues of reprieve? Mothers’ groups, church volunteers, senior helpers, paid respite, none even mentioned. It is exasperating that you present your situation as hopeless, as if the universe owes you relief bought by passive suffering. Your elaborate declaration of fidelity (“I love my husband and I’m not looking outside the marriage”) is a veiled admission of simmering dissatisfaction; clearly, the thought has crossed your mind. Pin down whether this urgency is driven by a hormonal storm, or the dull ache of diminished attention now that you’re no longer center stage. Is it a plea for raw physical release, or mourning the evaporation of authentic intimacy?
For all the frustration, there’s a readily available arsenal of adult toys designed to bridge exactly such gaps, experiment, indulge, quit apologizing. Finally, the naive expectation that intimacy will magically reconstitute itself without deliberate effort is the real peril. Start scheduling those bi-monthly date nights, secure a sitter, and permit yourselves a break from parenting to rekindle what got lost in the baby fog. Ignore these needs, and your marriage will sprout weeds instead of enduring flowers. The emotional climate in your household is not just personal it sketches the earliest lessons your child will receive about love and relationships. Do not let neglect become the norm.
Marital aids (toys) or just talk to him and make the time. I have a high drive and sometimes you just have to make the time or resort to your own means. It’s totally understandable when the child is young. In the meantime you kind of just have to deal with what you can. Once they are older the routine gets better and you find more time. At least in my experience.
Tell him. I never met a red blooded man who couldn’t make 30 minutes for sex if his wife asked.
Be a hotwife
Message him close to when he finishes work. Tell him you’re turned on. Take fifteen minute a quickie.
You cope by subcontracting out the work.
Get a good vibrator .
Time for a snap (sex and a nap). That’s what my husband and I would do. Put the baby down have sex then take a nap. You need to get your kid on a schedule that’s killing your sex life. It will take you sticking to the schedule but that’s the only thing you can actively do to change the dynamic. So unfortunately since you’re home this is on you.
Toys. Self pleasure. Ask him to watch and won’t be able to resist lol. Dress spicy one night and come into the room with fierce sex appeal and grab his hands and place them where you want them and look at him in the eyes and ask, you gonna take charge or should I? Put baby on a better schedule or try an electric rocker to keep baby occupied for a while in front of the TV playing some baby tunes or baby program. Pay for a sitter, go on a date or make a romantic dinner at home and before dinner grab and feel him up and whisper in his ear, I’ll be your treat after our supper is over. There’s ways around it. If you find none of these work, then I’d suggest he get checked for low t or ask if he’s depressed, seek medical advice. Whatever you do, don’t cheat it’s not worth it. Have a talk with him about intimacy and feeling wanted. Hold hands, hug and laugh. Cuddle.
Invest in a rose. Sacrifice sleep for each other. You’re welcome
As hard as all of it is he’s letting you down. Talk.
I have liked this advice, but when the roles are reversed usually the answer to a man is “suck it up”, don’t pressure your wife. Some men go through decades of feeling undesirable and are told that is just how it goes. Why do we treat unmet sexual needs so differently by gender?
I would ask why? Is a libido style? or is he having feelings for someone else? Either way not workable for you long term.