I (19 M) just forgot my girlfriend’s (19 F) birthday and i don’t really know if it’s actually fully my fault.
Over a year ago we had a conversation where she kind of messed with me over her Bday being august 14 or august 16 and she wouldn’t tell me and i got super confused. It is august 14. Ever since i have had trouble remembering if it is the 14th or the 16th because of that conversation.
Come this summer I went away for an internship, and at the VERY BEGINNING of the summer i said i was planning g to return home august 15 so i could spend her bday with her. obviously I made the mistake again of thinking it was on the 16th. Come today, months later, she barely speaks to me all day and then at the end of the day texts me “it’s my birthday.”
She said i should just know her birthday, but i mentioned many times this summer being excited to come home and spend the 16th with her for her birthday. So she had many opportunities to say that i had the wrong day.
In my opinion I feel like she kind of trapped me and just wanted a reason to be upset about something and it is pretty immature for her to go all summer knowing I had the wrong day and then get mad at me on her birthday. Maybe i’m wrong for not remembering her bday to begin with.
AITA or should she have just reminded me?
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I (19 M) just forgot my girlfriend’s (19 F) birthday and i don’t really know if it’s actually fully my fault.
Over a year ago we had a conversation where she kind of messed with me over her Bday being august 14 or august 16 and she wouldn’t tell me and i got super confused. It is august 14. Ever since i have had trouble remembering if it is the 14th or the 16th because of that conversation.
Come this summer I went away for an internship, and at the VERY BEGINNING of the summer i said i was planning g to return home august 15 so i could spend her bday with her. obviously I made the mistake again of thinking it was on the 16th. Come today, months later, she barely speaks to me all day and then at the end of the day texts me “it’s my birthday.”
She said i should just know her birthday, but i mentioned many times this summer being excited to come home and spend the 16th with her for her birthday. So she had many opportunities to say that i had the wrong day.
In my opinion I feel like she kind of trapped me and just wanted a reason to be upset about something and it is pretty immature for her to go all summer knowing I had the wrong day and then get mad at me on her birthday. Maybe i’m wrong for not remembering her bday to begin with.
AITA or should she have just reminded me?
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> I might be the asshole for forgetting the exact date of my GF’s birthday and moving it up with the date 2 days later
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Ok I had the same issue with my mom’s bday (13 vs 14 lol). I would lean towards NTA bc you clearly had plans to spend her bday with her, and also BROUGHT IT UP TO HER multiple times. I can see why she’s upset, but ultimately its a misunderstanding that she didn’t correct
NTA forgetting your partner’s birthday isn’t a great look, but in this case it’s not like you were careless or uninterested, you just got stuck in that original mix-up from when she intentionally messed with you about the date and then never corrected you despite multiple chances.
If she heard you say “I’m coming back the 15th to celebrate your birthday on the 16th” all summer and didn’t say “hey, it’s actually the 14th” even once, that’s not just forgetting on your part that’s her letting you walk into a trap. Sure, you should try harder to lock down important dates in your head, but it’s also basic relationship courtesy to correct a partner before they embarrass themselves over something like this. This feels less like you being a bad boyfriend and more like her wanting a “gotcha” moment
ESH you should have just saved it in your phone, she shouldn’t have messed around with the dates if she wanted you to remember so idk why she’s being a nag about it now.
Can’t say much more then that.
NTA. She wouldn’t tell you when her birthday was? LOL what in the world. That said, why didn’t you just ask her friends or family to confirm? Then just mark it down on your phone calendar. Also, she knew you had the wrong date.. and didn’t bother to correct you? JFC.. I despise mind games.
NTA – You’ve been upfront for months thinking her birthday was the 16th, and she never once corrected you. That’s not you “forgetting.” That’s you being left with bad info and her letting you run with it. If she wanted you to get it right, she could have just said, “Hey, it’s actually the 14th” at any point this summer.
Sure, partners should know each other’s birthdays, but when someone has literally told you two different dates before and then stays quiet while you plan around the wrong one, that’s setting you up to fail. She had every chance to prevent this, but didn’t. That’s on her, not you.
You didn’t put on your phone calendar? Write it on a paper calendar? Put a note on the fridge, wall, mirror, door, anywhere?
Phone calendars with alerts before the date are a thing dude, 30 seconds doing that would have saved all this drama, so YTA for getting it wrong, But she also appears to playing some BS mind games, so she is as an ass as well,
NTA
Yes, she had several choices:
Never had to invest so much effort in confusing you a year ago. She thought it was fun to create confusion in your mind about her birthday.
Could have corrected you each time you mentioned looking forward to celebrating her birthday on the 16th. She chose to remain silent t so that she could play ‘gotcha’.
She could have chosen to be happy to see you and celebrate with you with a laugh about getting to extend her birthday a little longer. Instead, she wants to be upset at you because she is now feeling the consequences of all her game playing.
She doesn’t seem very mature. But good luck getting her to see any perspective where she has some responsibility for misdirecting/ not correcting you.
You still forgot, but yeah, she definitely could’ve corrected you if she cared more about celebrating than catching you out
YTA. You have a device that you carry with you almost everywhere you go that includes a feature for inputting important dates with reminder notifications. Use multiple notifications for week before, day before, etc., so you’re not THAT guy who remembers on the day of the event.
Put it on your phone calendar with a pop up warning two days in advance. It’s not that hard.
Does she have no social media? Because it’s pretty easy to find out someone’s birthday that way, she probably feels upset because if you cared you would figure it out. But if she’s saying both days every time then that is confusing. I don’t think calling her immature will do any good. Just make things right.
Of course you should know her birthday. Why? Because it’s important. Don’t pass go and report to jail. 😀
ESH – it’s not that hard to put a birthday in the calendar on your phone. You could have done that when you first found out what date it was. She also sucks for not correcting you for months and then being mad when you had it wrong.
ESH. So you know you have trouble remembering and didn’t take any steps to get it right. You mentioned celebrating on the 16th and she didn’t correct you. If she’s important to you, you’ll make the effort to get it right.
This is definitely an ESH situation. Yes, you could’ve put it in your phone under her contact and turn on the reminder when the day comes. Yes, she could’ve corrected you, but didn’t. You’re both young and this isn’t relationship ending unless you keep forgetting important dates like anniversaries or major plans with her. Moving forward communicate with each other and writing things down instead of not gently correcting or reminding each other
You’re 19. There is no way you don’t have a phone. Every phone has this thing called a calendar. On this calendar, you can place reminders of important dates. YTA.
Esh
My sister and I have birthdays very close together (think 26/27) and he’s always messing them up. I promise you people he loves and cares for us. He’s older (as are we) so he only has a flip phone. NTA since she was playing games with your hear. Now that you know put it in your calendar for next year (if there is a next year).
No judgment this time, but DUUUUDE!! Put her birthday on your calendar. The one hanging on the wall, the one in your cell phone, the one you have at work – all of them!!! It’s OK to have a bad memory, as long as you’re good at organizing yourself.
YTA but so is she. You could have put the date in your phone. She set you up for failure by not correcting you. Not break up worthy but you should apologize and then watch out for her continuing to set you up
Saying “I’m so excited to see you on this day!”Means nothing in particular to couples, because you could say that about any day to them and it would seem normal. Couples are supposed to be excited to see each other when they can, especially if one has been away.
You completely could have just asked at any point that entire year, “love I got confused from that one conversation, is your birthday the 14 or 16?”Instead of playing dumb mind games and expecting her to know exactly what you’re saying when your communication was so vague. Light YTA
NTA. Sure, you could have saved it in your phone, but SHE is the one who created the confusion in the first place, and SHE had ample opportunity to correct you. She set you up for failure and that’s an AH move
NTA should definitely put it in a calendar but I understand making the mistake I’ve been in a similar position where my gf told me her birthday was the 8th then changed it to the 6th to mess with me and it doesn’t help that my sisters is the 6th that month too so I’ve done the same thing too lol but mostly her fault and should definitely talk to her about that. It kinda sounds like she wanted the drama considering she didn’t correct you.
ESH- forgetting/mixing up dates is human. For years I kept mixing my dad’s bday up with our dog’s bday. (Aug 24/25) For quite a few years my dad mixed my bday up with his sister. One year he forgot for a whole week. He only remembered because my mom had to tell him why I wasn’t answering his calls. You should have just told her/ asked “Sorry, your birthday is Aug 16? I just want to be sure I have it correct in my calendar.” You wanting to get her bday right would show you care. Far outweighs any embarrassment of getting mixed up.
YTA- forgetting/mixing up dates is human. For years I kept mixing my dad’s bday up with our dog’s bday. (Aug 24/25) For quite a few years my dad mixed my bday up with his sister. One year he forgot for a whole week. He only remembered because my mom had to tell him why I wasn’t answering his calls. You should have just told her/ asked “Sorry, your birthday is Aug 16? I just want to be sure I have it correct in my calendar.” You wanting to get her bday right would show you care. Far outweighs any embarrassment of getting mixed up.
Jeez I do no miss being 19. This is such a mess for no reason lol. I was ready to judge you from the get go, but after reading the whole post, I have to say ESH. I’m putting the fact that your gf pulled a joke where she tried to confuse you about her birthday aside & solely focus on the fact that you told her several times you were excited to come home & spend 8/16 with her. She had ample opportunities to correct you. That being said, you are a whole adult & it’s your responsibility to ensure you remember your gfs birthday. Like others have said, put her birthday in your phone calendar & set a reminder if you need to. I don’t really have any advice aside from that. I remember being a 19 year old woman & I can tap into that rage she must be feeling 😅 sorry OP. Being 19 sucks
yeah, birthdays should be on calendars by default. everyone knows that.
So many close august bdays!! My bfs is today (the 14th) and our friends is the 15th too! So strange! (Also nta 100% shes js looking for something to be upset about)
Yall are both the assholes for not communicating with each other, nothing else can fix what yall are doing to each other except learning how to communicate