So we met on feeld about 4 weeks ago and have been chatting ever since. Our conversations got pretty intense (sexually) but he said he had a busy work schedule so it took us this long to meet.
During our conversation on the date, he mentioned he had met up 2 other people from the apps in the past week or so. (One he said he had sex with).
After this, I’m really unsure how I feel. Clearly I like(d) him more than he likes me and had other people he would have rather seen.
Being as how this “relationship” is so new, I’m not sure how I should feel, but I was really into him and really excited to meet and take the further but now I’m not sure and just want other opinions.
We set tentative plans 2-3 times which he cancelled due to his work schedule. I finally just told him, in so many words, I’m not looking for a pen pal and to not reach out until he was free and could be sure he had time to meet. He messaged me 3 days later saying he could and that’s when we met.
I’m just feeling disappointed and like I’m just another option to him, rather than someone hes actually interested in and wants something with me.
TL:Dr: talking to a guy for a month who claimed he was too busy to meet but found out he was dating other people.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Girl you are he is sexually interviewing candidates. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Don’t text. Let him initiate.
So he’s on apps and meeting other people and they are a better option than you on any given night. There is no relationship. He’s out there playing the field and getting his little bit…
I work a LOT of hours and have a crazy whirlwind of a schedule that is forever changing. I still have time for regular dates I turn up for and investment in the relationship I have with my significant other.
What’s that saying .. he’s just not that into you..
Girl I’d be goneee. The fact he’s meeting up with other women so frequently gives me the idea he’s a player. Especially since he said he slept with one if not both (since we don’t really know for sure).
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
Sooo he’s too busy with work to see you, but has more than enough time to go on other dates and sleep with other women..? Pass.
Isn’t feeld for poly/swinger types?
He doesn’t have a “busy work schedule” he is meeting up with other girls he would rather meet and is keeping you as a back up option. Don’t meet up with him again and move on.
Also no guy that is serious about you would turn a conversation sexual before you even met.
You are looking for a friend with benefits or a boyfriend? Intense sex talks without IRL dates sets the tone for FWB. And busy work schedule but handling 3 flirts at the same time? So much inconsistency. You were excited by an idea of who he is rather than who he truly are.
Sounds like a player
I mean, it is Feeld… that’s not exactly a relationship finding app…
Feeld is the problem
It’s made for ethical non monogamy among other things
And you’re frustrated you met a non monogamous person ?
If you’re looking for a relationship, this isn’t it.
If the vibes are off just bounce
I mean, be real: you had to basically corner him to meet you at all, while he has been going on dates with other people over meeting you.
So yes, clearly the energy was not being matched. That hurts but it happens, it’s not something to take personally and if anything he is clearly giving off some pretty uncomfortable vibes given I think he’s pretty clearly lying to you.
So yeah, go find someone that doesn’t treat you like an option. He ain’t it.
Dump him. Why do you want to be someone’s plan B? Or plan C? Obviously he does not care for you or your feelings or else he would at least try to hide the other dates and sexual
Escapades…imagine if you feel bad now how much worse you would feel if you slept with him.
Feeld is a hook up app for threesomes and couples and more. It’s not exactly a soulmate app so maybe temper your expectations. You don’t go to McDonald’s when you crave Pizza. If you want more than sexual encounters maybe try other apps like Hinge or Bumble. Not saying you can’t find it on Feeld but probability is much lower.
Damn, I’m sorry to see how disappointed you are in someone you thought you could go further with. I think you’re valid in losing interest after what he’s told you about meeting up with other people on the app as well as his “work schedule” being difficult to be consistent with. You’re better off finding someone else that has time for you AND likes you as much as you’d like him.
As harsh as it sounds, but he’s not interested in pursuing anything with u further, move on!!
By participating in sex talk right away you are showing him that you’re likely to participate in sex with him. A person that is really interested, respects you, wants to know about your hobbies, your family, and your friends, hopes and dreams and let’s tell each other funny stories; but you’re just allowing him to go straight to sex. He’s also testing you some more, he tells you that he’s reaching out to other people, and that he slept with at least one of them. By not reacting negatively, you are showing him that you’re fine with that. Instead of him dating you, talking and getting to know each other, he keeps on canceling your dates and you’re fine with accepting his excuses. By your actions you’re showing him that you are a doormat, you will likely have sex with him, and that you think so little of yourself that he can continue on doing what he’s doing and having sex with others, and possibly you. That’s the expectation that you’re setting. He’s not a man for you, in addition to that, why are you engaging in self-defeating behavior. You should not be engaging in sex talk this early on, you should be getting to know each other on it a higher level, why don’t you expect more from the potential men in your life?
Move on. You are at least option 3 that you know of.
Sorry, the dude is just going through his roster..
I think his goal is MUCH more short term than what yours would be…