My (29F) husband and I have been having some issues conceiving a child. We’ve been trying for about two years and I have had two miscarriages. It’s been a very difficult process, and it’s one we have chosen to largely keep private. A few select people are aware that we have been trying, but the only people who even know about the miscarriages are my husband, my parents, my sister, and my doctor. The most recent one was about six months ago and we are beginning to consider not having children or going another route.
I have a coworker that I am casual friends with and she knew we were trying for children. It had been a while since she had checked in about it, so she casually asked and I just said it wasn’t working out. She asked if everything was ok and I finally shared that I had had a few miscarriages. She was sympathetic but didn’t pry much further.
The next day, we had a staff meeting. At the end of the meeting, my boss turns to me and tells me that she hopes I am doing ok and asks if there is anything I would like to share with the group. Immediately I know that my coworker told her. I am not particularly close with my other coworkers and I did not want them to know this information. I played dumb for a minute and tried to probe and find out what they were talking about. I finally learned that, in the previous portion of the meeting which did not pertain to me and I was not at, my coworker had told everyone what I had told her because “she wanted them to be there for me”. I got very angry and told her that I shared this information with her in confidence and she had no right to tell anyone else.
Everyone seemed to be trying to comfort me and being supportive, but I didn’t want or need it and I felt completely betrayed. The more they tried to defend themselves, the angrier I became and I stormed out. Some of them have tried to reach out to me since and I have not responded. AITA?
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My (29F) husband and I have been having some issues conceiving a child. We’ve been trying for about two years and I have had two miscarriages. It’s been a very difficult process, and it’s one we have chosen to largely keep private. A few select people are aware that we have been trying, but the only people who even know about the miscarriages are my husband, my parents, my sister, and my doctor. The most recent one was about six months ago and we are beginning to consider not having children or going another route.
I have a coworker that I am casual friends with and she knew we were trying for children. It had been a while since she had checked in about it, so she casually asked and I just said it wasn’t working out. She asked if everything was ok and I finally shared that I had had a few miscarriages. She was sympathetic but didn’t pry much further.
The next day, we had a staff meeting. At the end of the meeting, my boss turns to me and tells me that she hopes I am doing ok and asks if there is anything I would like to share with the group. Immediately I know that my coworker told her. I am not particularly close with my other coworkers and I did not want them to know this information. I played dumb for a minute and tried to probe and find out what they were talking about. I finally learned that, in the previous portion of the meeting which did not pertain to me and I was not at, my coworker had told everyone what I had told her because “she wanted them to be there for me”. I got very angry and told her that I shared this information with her in confidence and she had no right to tell anyone else.
Everyone seemed to be trying to comfort me and being supportive, but I didn’t want or need it and I felt completely betrayed. The more they tried to defend themselves, the angrier I became and I stormed out. Some of them have tried to reach out to me since and I have not responded. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I yelled at my coworkers in a staff meeting for “trying to help me through a difficult time” because a coworker shared that information in the group without my consent.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
That’s a huge boundary crossed but i guess she was trying to help but when the wrong way about it. NTA tho
That does not sound legal but you might want to look into that. Either way it’s very inappropriate for both your coworker and your boss to do. Nta. Maybe talk to an hr lawyer or something cuz at the very least that’s a hostile work environment. Also record everything, what time, where, who was there, what they said, who’s messaging you on your personal phone. You might need it even if you don’t the hr way.
NTA. That is such a private and sensitive subject. You were basically put on blast. Oof. I’m sorry that happened
NTA. HR stat. Even without the coworker your bosses behavior is extremely inappropriate.
I completely agree with you that it was not okay with that person to share. However you make it clear you are not close with your coworkers and that being said – why would you tell one person so personal if you didn’t want anyone else to know? Telling a coworker something super personal – is VERY different from telling a friend or loved one. They owe you no loyalty or secrecy. Coworkers are just that, people you are paid to spend time with. You can’t expect a random person to keep a secret you are willing to share with them because to them you are just a random telling them a random fact about yourself which they can then share with others. I’m truely and wholeheartedly sorry for your losses.
ESH.
NTA. Its not clear whether or not you asked your co-worker not to share the information. They should have asked if it was okay to do so regardless. And your manager should never have put you on the spot like that.
YTA. You have to expect something you tell one co-worker to be spread around the office. It always will. It’s just the way we are. We gossip. So, your surprised Pikachu-face is hilarious tbh.
ESH.. she shouldn’t have told them, but you should not have told her. Have you met people? Ignoring people reaching out to you is not great. I have realized everybody goes through something. You might also just not be aware. So some might be reaching out to just support, but others as they are dealing with something as well and can offer different perspective. Also, if you follow through on this, your workplace will become unbearable.
NTA
Report her to HR and tell them she shared confidential information with people she wasn’t meant to. Also let them know it’s creating a hostile work environment for you. Failing that threaten legal action if they don’t do anything about it
NTA
What your co-worker did was insensitive but may have just been a bad attempt to provide some support. Some people are a bit clueless on understanding that perhaps you might not want this told to anyone else and as you didn’t specifically tell her not to share she thought it was ok to.
However what your boss did was completely inappropriate, to put you on the spot like that. If she wanted to provide some support she should have met with you privately and to ask if you were ok with the office knowing.
As you said you dont have a HR department, I would ask to meet with her (perhaps with another support person) and express how you feel about this.