Hello again
Here is the last update https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/126dUMhGrh
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Q6fehmSV2H
I (17m) about foster mother (f39 she just had her bday) and foster dad (m40)
The mum of a friend reported my carers for everything. My carers are now under an investigation.
I had a manager come to the house yesterday and ask for my point of view on the allegations.
I was completely honest and told them everything. The baby phobia treatment in great detail, but also transphobia from my foster mother and other things that had happened.
The worker then told them the allegations from my mates mum (apparently legally they have to, i begged the worker not to do that because i knew it would end badly). My mates mum knew a lot of what was going on so it was basically as if they’d told them what I’d said. They suspected immediately that it was myself or a friend of mine who had reported them.
They (or at least, my foster dad since he gave the speech) genuinely don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. It makes me feel like I’m going crazy. They think I’ve been lying to my friends to make them look bad, that im manipulative and hateful. They told me how financially they hadn’t planned for me to do an extra year in college so now “don’t know if they could afford me” (I ended up semi dropping out of college in my first year and just did AS levels because of mental health issues+a suicide attempt, also my next two years of college are free). They said they only ever did what was best for me and my siblings. There was a lot in there, and I tried to record it but only got the first 5 minutes before my phone cut it off.
I went out after that to my mates (who had reported it) and her mum said she’d watched my living circumstances get worse and worse over the last two years and decided it was beyond getting better for me and my siblings now. I came back near midnight ish, didn’t speak to my carers at all. This morning they barged into my room at 6am because my brother confirmed it was information from me that had led to their investigation. They told me I’m going to ruin my siblings lives by getting them taken away from this house, that im destroying the family, going to make them homeless. They said i owe them understanding after over 10 years of living with them – but where was the understanding for my baby phobia? They know the circumstances of me being here and my trauma.They asked if I was planning on moving out. I said yes, soon as possible. To be honest, I’d always planned on moving at 18, although to a uni as far away as possible was the original plan. Then my foster dad went on a thing about me lying to them, causing difficult situations and he said he’ll try get the move out date as soon as possible. I feel bad for my foster dad because I genuinely loved him but if he can’t even see that they’ve done anything wrong then maybe I need to cut him off too once I’m out.
I’m scared financially for my future.
I think thats everything. Will update when I know more. As always feel free to ask questions
Also, it was my AS results day yesterday and I got all A’s :]
Comments
They can’t afford you?
You know that as a foster parents they get quite the amount of cash for your upkeep? Some for any other foster siblings you have?
I know what I say will sound cruel but: seems like you all are cash cows for them. Of course they are scared now the stench is in the air. If social services will deem them inadequate to be foster care they will remove any children from their care and with it: moneys.
Depending on the council they can get anywhere from £170-£299 per week per child. Everything depends on child’s needs. Wouldn’t be surprised if they got higher pay on you because you are classed as „special needs” as you have trauma. They would also be able to claim any other financial support as careers.
Please carry on studying. My AS results spelt the word DUDE, getting all As is really impressive. Also, being a teenager is hard (I turned my DUDE into a masters degree and now work at uni.)
Congrats on your results! I hope you get offers from the uni you were hoping for. Be sure to call (or email) and check with whatever uni you get into if there’s additional services available with students who don’t have family financial support as well as on site mental health services. Often there’ll be free counselling on site who can refer you to something more specialised, or at least give you a letter as evidence to back up your need to be referred over.
I’m sorry to say that your foster dad has been complicit in your abuse all along OP. Sitting back and doing nothing is enabling abuse. Now he’s being held accountable, he’s once again enabling his wife by making out anyone else is the problem except for her/him. Because owning up to the fact he allowed abuse to happen means he’d have to accept he’s scum that never should have been allowed custody of kids. For a lot of people, their personal perception of themselves is more important than the welfare of others.
Keep in mind that this is their failing. Not yours. Keep being honest and open with social services/the authorities. Make it clear they also let you down by not monitoring the foster family better. Also emphasise how much you’ve been targeted and blamed as a direct result of the manager/workers approach, meaning you were left in an unsafe environment open to further abuse.
It might be worth looking into applying for PIP as soon as you’re 18, a lot of websites online describe what it’s like, so please see Citizens Advice (or talk on the phone with someone from CA) for support. A lot of the time simply answering the questions isn’t enough, you need to elaborate on things that are considered common sense but only implied. If you qualify, you’d get over £700 a month from that alone to help support your excess needs due. It would also mean you qualify for extra funds/assistance with Universal Credit each month. Added to whatever the council offers for foster kids aging out, hopefully it could give you the support you need.
You owe your abusers nothing. They were paid and willing to accept the responsibility for raising traumatised kids. They were offered access to resources for years to help those kids. Instead, they prioritised their selfish wants and money. Those kinds of people shouldn’t be foster carers, ever. They’re lashing out for being exposed, when all they could have done to avoid this is be decent and do the bare minimum. None of that is your fault.