For context, we have been together for nearly three years and not once have I ever worried about or felt threatened about her cheating. This relationship has by far the healthiest and longest I’ve ever had with all my previous girlfriends having cheated on me, causing the relationships to fall apart.
Today me and her were hanging out at my house as usual (we are homebody’s). We were both cooking together and as we sat down for dinner I saw her open Snapchat to text back one of her friends and I saw an unopened snap from a guy I did not recognize right under her friend in the recent section. I found this odd because she only has two main friends and I that she talks to and that’s it.
I was going to just let it go but she kept checking her phone and when I looked over at the end of dinner she was texting the main friend again but at some point had opened the snap from the unknown guy. This upset me and I shifted my mood unintentionally which she noticed and asked what was wrong. I originally said it was nothing but she persisted, asking me several more times and pointing out that I was just replying with the phrases, “yeah” and “ok” a lot which is a sign I’m trying to avoid a fight per her.
After her asking around the fourth time I exploded, saying “what’s wrong with me is I that I think you’re cheating.” She immediately broke into tears as I pointed out the guys snap that she had opened. She explained that it was an old match she had met on a dating app prior to us meeting and she said the guy was saying they should meet up. She kept saying the guy sent it a day ago and the only reason she opened it was to clear the notification from her Home Screen. Before I could respond she made me watch as she deleted the guys Snapchat from her contacts.
She then proceeded to say that I should go to therapy for my trauma with my previous relationship and that I don’t recognize how faithful she has been the last three years. Don’t get me wrong I agree with her completely about me needing therapy, I just haven’t had the funds or the courage to actually go and talk to someone about my previous relationships and trust issues.
We talked for about thirty more minutes and then she told me she forgave me and said she was no longer angry at me. Later in the night she showed me she had deleted nearly all of her contacts on Snapchat because the majority of them were either past ex’s or men she had met on dating apps like the previous guy. In return I went through my Snapchat and got ride of all people that I haven’t talked to and my ex’s as well to be fair.
Once she had to leave I walked her to her car and gave her a kiss as usual. She texted me that she got home safe and was originally answering my texts but then just stopped out of the blue. Now I’m freaking out thinking that I just ruined my most healthy relationship I’ve ever had and I’m grasping at straws trying to think of what to do. This was the first time I had ever accused her of cheating and I feel horrible for my attitude whenever I confronted her about it. I have told her multiple times in the past that I plan on marrying her which is the truth I just don’t want to have ruined everything over such a strong allegation in the heat of the moment.
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There are a lot of weird things in this post. Why would she still be messaging them/still have them added this late in the game, and why would you immediately jump to the assumption of cheating? Even if you think something is going on, communicating properly should be your first action, like asking who she is messaging, etc in a non-accusing type of way. Then, even if its innocent, communicate how it makes you feel, then its crossing a line only if it continues.
It sounds like you both got over it, one small moment shouldn’t derail a long relationship if its strong.
Find a way to get into therapy. Use your works EAP program to see if they can help you find low cost options.
Relationships involve trust. For you to leap to her cheating on you from one snap indicates you don’t trust. It was a huge leap to make. The fact that she seemed to handle it as well as she did makes you fortunate.
You are also leaping to conclusions based on the fact that she isn’t responding to your texts. How long has it truly been? Learn to chill. Apologize to her, show her the effort you are making in addressing your issues be good t her and most of all listen to her. See what she wants. But don’t dwell on this issue, especially if she’s willing to move on
>Now I’m freaking out thinking that I just ruined my most healthy relationship I’ve ever had and I’m grasping at straws trying to think of what to do.
You’ve just falsely accused her of cheating, give her some space. Even though you’ve talked things through, you can’t expect her to just snap back to her normal happy self.
>This was the first time I had ever accused her of cheating and I feel horrible for my attitude whenever I confronted her about it.
One thing I will say is that I don’t understand the “solution” y’all came up with.
The root of the issue wasn’t that an old fling texted her, it’s that you assume the worst about her. Deleting old flings on Snapchat is a valid and nice thing to do, sure, but that doesn’t solve your trust issues.
Because what if next time, a man texts her and you accuse her again, but turns out that was her coworker. What’s the solution then? Blocking all of her male coworkers?
Granted, she was the one who took that initiative. But the fact that she felt the need to do that in order to be believed is a problem.
Go to therapy – not for her, but for yourself. You easily could’ve asked her a question about the snap and given her a chance to explain herself instead of blowing up at her.