Using a new throwaway since he knows my account. Had to make an account twice because of the username. Thanks RA.
I never thought I’d find myself asking for help, but here I am. So let me give you the backstory.
I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for almost 4 years, this being my first relationship and it being his second. About a year into our relationship, my boyfriend expressed interest in being more intimate with me in a sexual way. It’s important to highlight that I come from a religious household, and since it was my first relationship like I said before, I told my bf I’d rather take it slow and not do anything like that yet.
I know he wasn’t happy with my ask, but he agreed nonetheless without any issue. Now, almost 3 years later, he completely honored and respected my boundaries and has continued to be very loving towards me. Always makes sure I’m okay, is there for me when I need it, is spontaneous with gifts. I love him a lot, and I’m very happy. Our relationship has also evolved a little, since I let him do thinks like grab my ass or things like that sometimes, but I’ve never let it go anywhere beyond it yet.
But since I have recently felt more confident regarding the intimacy thing, I decided to take our relationship a step forward in the way he also wanted to (and I want it too).
I was a little embarrassed about bringing it up out of the blue, so I dropped some hints here and there so he could understand (I can provide examples if asked but I didn’t want to make this too long). His reactions are very tame though. He treats my advances like as if I’m joking or dismisses them completely before moving on to something else. This has gone on for about 2 weeks now.
The reason I’m here is that I’m getting a little worried now. This plus the fact that it’s been a really long while since he has done the things like grabbing my ass are leading me to think that he’s not interested sexually in me anymore. Honestly, I’m at a loss about how to proceed. I know the best thing I can do is talk to him clearly about it but I’m afraid to learn the ship really has sailed and that he isn’t interested in those things anymore.
What are some tips about what to do? What are some ways I can talk to him or learn how he feels about it now? Sorry for the weird wording it really wants to flag my post for breaking rule 3 for some reason.
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Is there a particular reason you’re ready now after three years together? People usually wait because they’re waiting for marriage, or until they feel comfortable and trust their partner enough to take that step. 3 years is quite a long time to get to that point if you weren’t waiting for something specifically.
Either way, it’s down to personal choice obviously and you’re completely within your right to wait until now. It does feel like your relationship has now been cemented into ‘not sexual’ though, judging from your boyfriend’s reaction.
I know when I go a very long time without having sex with my partner it almost feels awkward when we do eventually try. It takes us a while to get back into seeing each other sexually like that. Because you’ve never really had this stage with him, it may be too late to get there.
I think you need to talk to him about it, honestly. Only he will be able to tell you how he’s feeling about this
Please talk to him. Since you’ve been together for three years and you’re ready to take it to another level, tell him. I would encourage you to get some birth control first. Another option is to plan a romantic evening and rent a hotel room as a surprise. Make it special for both of you. You sound like a nice girl.