I am leaving the love of my life

I 40F am not his 48M. It took a long time to realize that. I do know he loves me, but he loves his addiction more.

I’ve been grieving the loss of this relationship for a year or more now. We have been one another’s best friend for the last 9 years and when we got together 3 years ago it was the easiest decision I made.

I knew his flaws I knew his past I knew every detail so I can’t say that I didn’t know it could happen to me. It did. More than once and I asked, begged, cried, fought for change and he did… for a short time till he could figure out how to hide his tracks better for the next time he “changed”. And the next time, and the time after that.

I’ve been avoiding him as best as I could. He has asked we table whatever conversation we are going to have till we are in front of our therapist. Sure, it’s not going to change anything as we’ve been in therapy for as long as things have been bad. The only difference is, is now I am a (somewhat better) healed woman and I do not harbor this unhealthy attachment.

He has therapy for himself this weekend alone and our “couples” session is scheduled for this coming Tuesday.

I deserve better I can’t keep being manipulated.