My husband (M37) invited my toddler and I (F36) with him on a work trip recently. We’ve been together for 4 years. Whilst he was busy with his conferences during the day my son and I would hang out at the hotels kids club and in the evenings would sometimes join in with the group dinners. There was a particular woman in the group that he spoke to me about on the first day of the meet and greet. He made fun of the fact that she had tons of work done to her face, plus fake breast’s and he said he could tell that she had extentions in her hair. Over the course of the trip he would mention her name constantly. When I finally met her she was stand offish towards me and we never really spoke more than 10 words to one another.
The one day her and her roommate were late for the dinner but he kept asking one of his other male colleagues where she was and if she would need a lift. It really started to irk me when the one night he told me how inspiring she is and how much she has had to overcome in her life. He also said he has such respect for her because she could’ve followed a bad path but instead she became a top student and now has a couple degrees and is successful etc etc.
That night I could not sleep. I never check his phone but I felt compelled to see if they were messaging each other. I couldn’t find any messages from her BUT INSTEAD I found other messages from a different woman that he apparently works with.
A lot of the texts were about completing certain documents or certificates but this new woman would use at least 2 or 3 emojis per text and would reply to his messages with a heart-hands symbol. I looked her up on linkdin and see she is a 22 year old recent graduate. Nothing looked fishy in his replies to her but he has never mentioned her to me before and when I tried to casually ask him if he had any interns or personal assistants he made it extremely clear that he was the only one in his particular field at his workplace. (This woman has a degree and specializes in the exact thing he does.)
Now I am tripping out and trying not to read into it but I feel so shaken by all this. Is there a correct way to approach this? I feel a little stupid about feeling so insecure but my stomach is kinda in knots right now.
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I’d definitely be concerned about the hidden colegue at least when it comes to lying, but you said it yourself that you lack the evidence to think its anything more aside from emojis.
So in fact there is a women he works with but he claims there isn’t one but they are directly messaging each other? and her emojis indicate a friendship between them? Seems very sus. Why is he hiding her from you?
As a man, I can say this…your husband invited you and your child on the business trip — that’s already a good sign. He’s not hiding or distancing himself from the family. Yes, he might compare you to another woman, but you need to keep your own boundaries. Calmly and openly tell him what is unacceptable to you and what you consider normal for yourself. Or you might want to talk to a professional about it.
Wishing peace and harmony to your family!
You’re overreacting here to the texts.
Nothing there seems improper, just how some people communicate now.
The other situation maybe? You don’t really have anything, but it sounds like your spidey sense is tingling.
When a man goes out of his way to make fun of a woman’s appearance or go on about how he’d never fuck her, he’s fucking her or trying to. Always. 100% of the time. Men do not randomly bring up women they are not attracted to. They pretty much ignore them.
This man bought you and your son on this trip to get off on having both of you in the same place.
You should always trust your gut. The correct way to handle this is to ignore it, pretend you know nothing and find a kick ass divorce attorney.