So for context my husband and I have been together for 10 years. I knew from the beginning that we had our differences and honestly just think it’s getting too much for us to stay together. Example, I’m much more liberal than he is and he is what I would consider more of a conservative Christian and has become more so the longer we have been together which has been disappointing. So obviously the political climate is something I can hardly stand to talk with him about. Even if he doesn’t fully disagree with me he doesn’t really take a stance and says politics don’t matter, but to me they do. I’m also not religious as all so that difference has been tough as well.
Our love languages are entirely different and we have different libidos. I asked him when we first started dating if this would be an issue and he said no, but if I don’t have sex with him he pouts and acts angry and pathetic and it is draining to be around. He says he thinks he is getting better but it really affects me emotionally when he acts that way and makes me not want to be near him.
We talked about what it would look like if we had kids and unbeknownst to me he is not fully for vaccines. He says that he is not against all of them, but I am fully for vaccinating my children and am not going to wait until I have a child to see if he agrees with me on the matter. He also is not a fan of public schooling. I see nothing wrong with that especially since I am going for my masters in secondary education.
He is also a very jealous person. When I went to lunch and caught up with an old friend (male) that I’ve known since we were kids he said that was cheating. He also came back from a work trip and said that something felt off and that’s why he was upset. The only thing that I did while he was gone was work, go to the gym, and take care of our pets.
He finally agreed to go to therapy with me, but I’m honestly just not sure if this will work out. Not sure if anyone has any advice for being with someone that seems so incompatible to yourself and how that situation unfolded. I would definitely have to move back in with my parents whilst in school and finding a new job after so the pressure is definitely on. I’m also have trouble seeing if I think I want this to work out or if it will be better to start over on my own. I was honest about this in therapy but I’m just at a loss here.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You’re both young. Make a clean break, for his sake and yours.
you don’t have to be that similar as long as you understand each other, though the vaccine one is simply lack of education, come on.
As for the jealousy, neither my girlfriend nor I hang out 1 on 1 with opposite gender ppl. That’s mega inappropriate, even if there are no intentions. Do you not have any other female you’ve known since you were kids?
Why do you want to save this?
Sorry but no amount of therapy can fix him, you perfectly describe my worst nightmare of men. What do you even have in common? Don’t lose more time on this relationship, you are not compatible.
Just break up. You ignored a parade of Red flags…but now you see them, and you shouldn’t ignore them. You aren’t a match, he’s controlling and jealous and abusive. Just leave and build a better life.
In the future, do not ignore “differences” like this and do not ignore bad behavior.