My (26M) girlfriend (24F) is a professional stage actress. She is excellent, and an absolute chameleon. However, she looks down and is snobbish about comedy, thinking that it’s lesser and beneath her.
Recently, she got an offer for a comedic part (Cecily in The Importance of Being Earnest), which paid her a lot. She didn’t want to take it initially, but I convinced her to. We would’ve been an absolute fool to let that beast of an offer go out of our hands.
She KILLED the role. I never knew she had this in her. Her comedic chops and timing are absolutely on point and excellent. The whole audience was laughing like madmen throughout.
After the show ended, I went and praised her, and she told me to stop it, and that she finds it an insult to her career that she did this role, even if for the money. I told her that her comedic chops are genuinely great, and she can progress much further and make a much bigger name for herself in comedy than in drama.
She’s not speaking to me now. AITA?
Comments
Asshole? No. Tiny bit insensitive? Yes.
Geez, what a snob. Does she know the great people SHE is insulting? She should hope to ever have the comic genius that was Robin Williams, and SO many others.
Just don’t mention it again, and let her take mediocre roles in boring dramas.
YTA << We would’ve been an absolute fool to let that beast of an offer go out of our hands.>>
You come across as possessive and controlling. Unless you’re also her manager, it’s not “our” career, it’s hers. You’re there to offer support, not to direct her on what her choices should be.
ESH. She’s weirdly snobbish for no reason, because drama isn’t inherently better than comedy. At the same time, it’s her career, and you telling her what to do is overstepping.
Comedy is harder to do than drama. Actually, demeaning comedy is almost melodrama. << rimshot >>
I would recommend you gather some videos of women in comedy who are revered. Lucille Ball, back in the day there was Phyllis Diller, Joan Rivers, Totie Fields, Mary Tyler Moore, the inimitable Carol Burnett, all of the outstanding women in sitcoms from the late 60s to the ’80s. Some from modern sitcoms too.
It is harder to do comedy by women than men. Encourage her. Tell her to stop being so snooty it’s out of place
Anybody that knows anything about acting knows comedy is the hardest to pull off and comedic actors pull of drama better than drama actors pull of comedy. I find this a weird hill to die on for an actor. Has she studied acting at all?
What a basatard! How dare you help her see her potential and earn more money. I wish I could find someone to do something trhis bad to me!
You crossed the line when you started talking about what career path would be better for her. That’s her call to make, not yours, even if you’re right about her talent.
I won’t call you an asshole, but comedy IS a “lesser” role for someone who wants to be a dramatic actress. That is why she “killed it” in this play: BECAUSE she IS a great actress. You pushing her to accept roles she is not interested in is presumptuous and controlling on your part. It’s not wrong of her to want to pursue certaim kinds of roles
“I would much rather be an unemployed dramatic actor than an employed successful comedic actor” which is the irony.
Soft YTA.
Comedy is hard and making people happy and laugh is such a gift. The reason she might look down on this is because it is so easy for her and she doesn’t realise that that is not a given.
However she is perfectly entitled to her own views and it is not uncommon that comedy is being regarded an unserious art. You do not get to dictate what she should like and what she should do. You can give your views but that’s it .
She seems realistic enough to do this for money and dislike herself for doing so.
I don’t think you’re the a-hole but you probably could’ve been a little better about your approach. However, I once read that a comedic actor has to have a very high level of self confidence because comedy can take a toll on them emotionally and mentally. It’s a completely different kind of preparation that they have to go through. But if you can, one thing you might do is show her movie parodies that have series actors in them like Airplane. I mean look at Liam Neeson right now in The Naked Gun. Thing is if she still doesn’t want to do comedy you should respect that and let it be.
NTA. What an odd thing for your gf to look down upon. Comedy is not easy so idk why she has such a problem with it.
NAH. Stop encouraging her to do that which is beneath her.
She’s clearly not intellectually thriving in comedy and she doesn’t it fun or interesting.
This is a tricky one. On the one hand, I feel like you could have chosen your moment better. On the other hand, it’s her career so if comedy is a hard no, that’s her choice to make. I’m withholding judgement because I feel like I could make an argument in every direction.
That said, I hope she didn’t have a similar attitude (that the show/her role was beneath her) around the rest of the cast/crew, because people talk and getting a reputation as someone who thinks they’re too good for a production (but still took the role and money) is a great way for your future castings to dry up.
I don’t remember where I heard the phrase. Not verbatim, but the gist is this: you don’t need any superpowers to squeeze a tear out of a viewer from a drama. But not everyone can evoke genuine laughter.
An actor must be versatile, otherwise he is not a full-fledged actor. There is nothing wrong with comedy and it needs to understand this. Sometimes people just need to laugh heartily. And the world is already filled with shitty actors who can’t do either drama or comedy, but for some reason they have flooded the media space
She sounds like a prick. What a drama queen!
I’ll never understand why people look down on comedy like this. Her killing her role is proof it has just as much place in theatre as drama and all the other roles in storytelling.
How weird laughter is a amazing thing someone who thinks it’s not worth while to make people laugh and happy is someone I wouldn’t associate with why would you think that giving someone the best feeling in this hell of a world we live in is anything less then the greatest thing you can do bringing joy and getting mad at someone for being like dam even though you were not in to it you did amazing is the biggest red flag this person seems so gross to me good luck
NTA. You should look for a new gf though. She sounds like a, pun intended, drama queen.
Also, as someone who has acted in a few comedies, comedy is HARD. It’s not just about memorizing lines but about how and when you deliver them. Your facial cues and body movements, whether or not you emphasize with your hands, where you look – comedy is the ultimate test of your non-verbal acting.
If she’s such a snob about it and thinks it’s beneath her then she’s probably not gonna get far as an actor.
Also, I would challenge her to find any famous and successful dramatic actor that hasn’t also done comedy. Pacino, DeNiro, Nicholson – they all did comedies. Patrick Stewart, David Tenant, Christopher Lee, Tim Curry, Timothy Olyphant, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Audrey Hepburn, I could list stars all day and every one of them has done comedy.
I have been where you are. I dated a girl I met on set. Nice girl but OBSESSED with her acting taking off. Constantly upset that she was offered bit parts or background roles instead of the main character. Signed up for improv and acting classes and got frustrated when they didn’t immediately lead to her getting bigger roles. She was always in a bad mood and even picked a fight with a rising local director. She never had time to actually date and when she did she was always in a bad mood. Trust me, mate, just leave the relationship – you’ll be better off.
What a stuffy bitch
A person can do both these days. First person who pops to mind is Daniel Craig in Logan Lucky compare that to Queer. Or Mads Mikkelson his roles are all over the map.
More actors/actresses have had success going from comedy to drama than the reverse.
If she can’t have that kind of conversation with a partner who cares about her and wants the best for her, then she might not be a great human being to pursue a life with.
NTA. And people who are snobbish about comedy can totally kick rocks.
As an actor or an actress, at the end of the day, you are an entertainer. Obviously dramas can be extremely compelling, but nothing entertains like a comedy. As many people in the comments have pointed out, it is much harder to do comedy than drama. Your girlfriend is probably very sensitive, given her acting talents. Give her time. She will see the light when she starts recieving adulation from others.
NTA. She needs to get off her high horse and realize the potential of playing similar roles!!
If she thinks a paid gig is beneath her.
And she has stopped talking to you because you complimented her.
Are there other red flags?
This sounds pretty petty already.
Is this how you want to spend your life?
NTA. You were trying to encourage her to grow in her career.
She probably calls them films not movies and spells it theatre.
Ah, to be 24 & acting… I was a bit younger than that & had a VERY similar attitude. Then I was talking with some other actor friends & realized that if you actually want to make a living as a working actor, you can’t be terribly picky about the roles you take. A gig is a gig & rent is still due at the first of the month.
Besides, just look at the numbers. Comedies sell more tickets than dramas. People want to be entertained & there’s enough heavy shit in the news. More tickets = longer runs. Longer runs mean more consistent paychecks. Consistent paychecks let you actually save for the future.
It’s not bad to have a preference, but being so damn snobbish about it won’t play well. Theatre is a VERY small world. You have to have Tom Cruise money (which is an order of magnitude larger than “fuck you” money) before you can start being difficult to work with.
I’ll close with this: “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.” It may be cliche, but it’s cliche because it’s true. Actors who can consistently pull off comedic roles without resorting to hack tropes are some of the best in the biz. She should know this.
YTA. How many times does she have to tell you how she feels before you at least pretend to care?
>We would’ve been an absolute fool to let that beast of an offer go out of our hands.
Stay out of her professional life and let her work how she wants to. I get needing to pay rent and making these decisions together to an extent, but don’t be a jerk about it by doing exactly what she’s asked you not to do.
>she told me to stop it
Why does this mean nothing to you?
She’s mad you told her she did… good? And think that she’s talented? Girl’s nose is so high in the air she’s catching satellites.
You’re NTA and your girlfriend needs to grow up. Standards certainly matter, and she’s allowed to hold some things higher than others. If she doesn’t find comedy fulfilling and never does another one, that’s fine.
But. Her reaction to you and what you said was beyond childish. It reveals this all lives most in ego/arrogance, not a different standard.
EDIT: UNLESS the way you phrased it gave the impression you think she’s bad at drama and should change course because her dream is unachievable. Then you’re still NTA, but I take back (some of) my judgement of her. That just needs to be an additional conversation.
Shakespeare have written great plays full of comedy.
yeah yeah yeah, very “YTA” action to wish the best for your loved ones and believe in them