My boyfriend will schedule plans with his family and friends over time alone with just the two of us and does not plan dates. Every day through the week we have to be doing something with his family or friends. He states that time is important to him, which I understand. But because of all of these plans made that impact our time together, I don’t get alone time, time to relax, or time with spend with my friends and family. I’ve tried inviting him to things I have planned and he doesn’t want to go because he has his plans and then makes me feel guilty and shames me for not going. I’ve tried talking to him and he says we are in “two different worlds.” I feel like giving up on everything
AITAH for being upset that my boyfriend makes plans for us every week and weekend with his family and friends
r/AITAH
Comments
NAH – figure out how to have a loving conversation about your needs and expectations and find ways to make it work. You ought to be adults or adult aged…
NTA
You both have different values and needs.
It is a good thing you see it now, before You have committed too much time with him.
NTAH, you just may not be compatible
NTA he is selfish and I wouldn’t stand for this.
If he’s booking your whole calendar without your input and guilt-tripping you for wanting your own life, that’s not “two different worlds,” that’s him living in his world and expecting you to orbit it. Relationships need balance, not a nonstop group hang.
Maybe start planning a datenight?
NTA stop going
No he’s in his own world and doesn’t want to be a part of yours. Leave. He won’t change. You definitely aren’t a priority
NTA he seems like a selfish brick. And doesn’t seem to care about you. You have to fit in his live but he doesn’t want to compromise to fit in yours.
NTA. Sounds like your BF is all about his way without giving any consideration to you. Of course it’s not right for him to not be willing to compromise so that you get to do what you’d like sometimes. If you cannot get him to understand the importance of this compromise, then you know what your future with him would be like.
Sharing your life together is just that SHARING. Make plans for 2wk out . Put it on his radar/calendar to verify if he cares about you and your family/feeling.
Keeping you away from your family and friends makes him TA. Major red flag. Girl, get gone.
Nta. There has to be a balance and compromise from both of you, not just you going along with whatever he wants. Your time is important and so is spending time with your loved ones.
NTA. he has family dependency issues and isn’t grown up enough yet to be a partner.
Moreover he keeps gaslighting you for wanting to have a balanced life. And if he doesn’t want you with your friends and family that’s a very early sign of abuse in addition to the gas lighting.
Ditch him and quit wasting your time before you learn some really hard lessons. The longer you hang on the longer it’ll be harder to break away and have a better happier life.
Run baby run. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA- Sounds like he really doesn’t have time for a girlfriend.
NTA – but you do realize this is your future. You do what he wants, not what you want. You can live with it or not. You aren’t important enough for him to do something you want. You aren’t important enough for him to do something with your family. You need to start making plans with YOUR friends and family during the week and weekends. He can go or not. He wants you to do what HE wants when he wants it. His free time is HIS free time.
NTA, but do you always want to be second choice in your relationship?
NTA. You are in different worlds, and he expects you to leave your entire world behind and jump into his with both feet. He’s selfish with his time, and that’s not a good look. Imagine 10 years from now, when you have kids (if you want them). Where do you think he will want to spend every holiday? (Spoiler: It won’t be with your family.)
YTA
Has he tied you up and thrown you in the trunk of his car to get you where he has planned for the two of you to go?
NTA. He is selfish and you should break up with him.
“Sorry, I can’t, I’m doing something with my friends that day”
Then
“Oh, they cancelled last minute. Which is actually great, I got a nap in.”
Also, you either need to put your foot down or trade in for a more communicative one. NTA
He’s right. You are in two different worlds. Now, it’s your job to go out and make that a reality. He’s not relationship material. Sounds like the only time you get with him is spicy time. Therefore, it should be easy for you to see what he needs you for. Act accordingly.
NTA- Time should be divided between families, friends, and ALONE time; very important, and necessary. Communicate, it’s not just about him.
If you dont like how your boyfriend is treating you, leave the relationship. I know I would. Nta,but you need to recognize your own part in going along with his plans and staying with someone who treats you this way and very clearly, explicitly, doesn’t have plans to change
Here’s the thing: He expects you to do what he wants and he wants to be around his family and friends every single weekend. He has already told you that this is how it is with him.
My confusion is why you moved in with him and how have you been even dating him without even going on a ‘date’??
You two are not compatible because for him it is his way or no way – he already told you that he doesn’t care what you want or how you feel – this is what he is going to do.
I’d move out because this relationship is one sided and that never works unless you continue to just go along with it and be miserable. You have choices here OP. He makes it sound like you don’t, but you do!!
NTA
> he says we are in “two different worlds.”
You are in different worlds and part of building a relationship is finding how those worlds can coexist. His world doesn’t take immediate priority. This is where the compromises come in.
He is demanding that you compromise, and that he doesn’t have to compromise at all. He doesn’t want a real relationship, he wants someone that he can just add to his own routine.
If he refuses to compromise and he refuses to plan dates with just the two of you, then get out now.
NTAH – he is being a selfish jerk – you can do better
Just say no and do what you want. It’s his problem if he has an issue
NTA. You should give up on everything to do with him. He’s selfish and not really that into YOU. Wise up, move on.
The best way to deal with that is you schedule things in advance for just the two of you and if he says that he’s going to schedule something you say oh no I already scheduled you and me to do xxxx. That means you will be unavailable to do what he’s talking about and so will he.
If he doesn’t want to do what you plan then you have to decide to either go and do things on your own or do what he did but it sounds like there is somewhat of a compatibility issue brewing here and you two really need to have a conversation about this
NTA. You know you don’t have to keep dating someone who isn’t interested in you, your life or what makes you happy, right?
If this the life you want? Your family and friends always coming in second to his? Always doing what he wants and never what you want. Never getting any down time to decompress? Get out of this relationship now. He needs to be with someone that has no family, friends or life if this is how he is.
He’s very selfish and it will only get worse!
This is a red flag, he doesn’t want to be alone with you or doing with your friends…Stop doing his stuff….either it’s balanced or you end it
Sure, but he’s the one making you be in two separate worlds, because he won’t come to under standing or agreement with you at all or in any way that would be possible.
This is ridiculously selfish, and frankly it distorts your life, your time, your relationship with him, but also your relationship with everyone else around you.
Making you feel guilty and shaming you for situations that he constructed, is really disturbing. That sounds like specific gas lighting just to get his way and control you, and it is a whole other level of BS that he’s projecting onto you.
I think you should really plan on giving up, this guy is never going to make any concessions for you, Even when they’re normal and reasonable. He’s not only selfish, but he’s self-centered, unempathic and a jerk, and you’re probably wasting your time pouring your life energy into this while getting nothing back.
Next thing you know he’ll be telling you that he “owns” you- The only reason he hasn’t been more actively trying to control you completely is because first, you haven’t been resisting, and second, he’s been busy. But this is the kind of guy that turns really bad when you suddenly aren’t in alignment with his plans. If he’s this bad about relatively minor things that are however, foundational to life, I don’t think you want to know how he will be with much more important life plans.
Listen to your gut, get out, you’ll find someone far better than this out there I assure you. In the meantime, don’t let him do the damage to your sense of self, self-esteem, personal time, stress reduction,, and all your life relationships that he is.
NTA, OP, but RFYL gurl! YOUR life, it’s not his to own and control.
Give up on him!
So he says “time is important to him”. But what he is not saying is “”you aren’t important to me”. NTA
NTA this sounds to me like the beginning of separating you from your friends and family. This is not a healthy relationship dynamic.
NTA. Some families are very close and socialize together – it maybe cultural as well. If you enjoy their company great. If you want to spend time with your family and friends then do so unapologetically. Do not be surprised if family is prioritized over your relationship- helping children, elderly members, helping financially, or purchasing multi-generational home, etc. There isn’t anything wrong with this if it is what you want and value too. If not, then it is time to evaluate your relationship and future.
Yes, because you’re expected to love and live in his world, you’re useful to him.
Does that sound like someone that likes you? Because dominating and controlling you is unrelated to love.
That’s the type of guy that bails when his wife gets sick because she’s weighing him down.
Don’t waste more of your one precious life on him.
You said you feel like giving up… you should OP. He clearly doesn’t care about spending quality time with you so why do you?
Move on and find a real boyfriend. Sorry to say the one you have is a joke.
Just mirror his behavior back at him. Schedule plans for both of you with your family and friends. Shame him for not agreeing to go with you. If he can’t see the contradiction, he is lost. Red flag, move on to a more supporting boyfriend. One that takes your feelings in account.
nta. maybe he’d be more compatible with a friendless dependent orphan? just kidding. it isn’t fair for him to dictate how you guys spend all your free time, you also don’t need to agree or go with him. it may just come down to incompatibility if he doesn’t value spending time just you two or with your family or friends though.
We teach people how to treat us. You have inadvertently taught him how to treat you. Now you need to change everything. I can’t imagine in 1 million years having a partner who doesn’t say “would you like to go do this on this day?””. And even one time a week would be too much for me.
Time with his family and friends is his Must Have. Time alone with you is not.
He’s just a bf. Are you open to signs that he may not be right for a life partner? Because if he’s not, then what’s the point in dating him and getting attached to a man you don’t want to end up with?
He’s not the one for you babe.
He is showing you repeatedly that he doesn’t value you.
Believe him.
This is a red flag you’re ignoring.
Leave him and chose yourself because he is not choosing you.
If you think he really loves you and you really love him, if this is the only problem you have together, seek couples counseling. If that fails, say goodbye.
NTA. Welcome to the rest of your life if you stay with him. It will never get better, only worse.
You are in 2 different worlds. Find someone who wants to be with you in your world.
Move out and break up with him.