My girlfriend called me about three weeks ago and told me this last winter (4-5 months ago) she had feelings for a co worker (34M) we worked with. (We work together and live together in the winter and usually spend the summers apart doing distance with seasonal jobs.) the call was a surprise to me and I didn’t realize at all that she had those feelings. She said she didn’t tell me right away because she didn’t want to lose me and still loves me, but she wants to explore other relationships. Hearing that, I basically immediately started no contact, I wish I got more clarity from her before I did. I thought our relationship was very very solid before this. We never fight and do almost everything together when we aren’t doing distance. I went out to visit her a week before the call and we had an amazing time. She even made big plans with me for the future and ensured me everything was going well. I thought I was going to marry this girl. Not talking to her these past couple weeks has been really tough and I’ve just been angry and sad. I am dreading going back to work this winter and seeing her potentially with that dude. These mixed signals make me think she doesn’t know what she wants right now. I’m not sure if I should reach out and ask for more clarity or just leave her and keep the no contact going?
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End it, block her everywhere, if she comes back ignore her
Keep the no contact
Dude she broke up with you. Pick yourself up and get your self respect back. She was definitely fooling around with this coworker at the time and didn’t tell you because she didn’t know if it was gonna work out with him. Not because she loved you
She chose the other dude over your 4 year relationship and most likely cheated. Why would you ever still want her
Its normal to be a mix of emotions right now, you’re grieving and there’s no right way to do this.
Do you think getting more clarity will help or just hurt more? If you’re a logical guy and you believe it might help I would do it, but if not and you think it’s more on the side of I want to just talk to her, avoid it.
Contact zero always helps, even tho it might hurt right now, but it does help getting back on your feet and you need to get it out of your system the habit of talking to her. Stay strong and it does get better.
She liked you, even loved you, but due to inexperience wanted to know what else is out there, and felt attraction to someone else. Rather than wondering what if, she wanted to explore those feelings. She also had some doubts about you, and that is why she risked losing you by telling you, was willing to give up what you had, for other options. Someone who is 100% into you won’t risk you losing you like this, so she was not all in. I would focus on yourself, and just keep the no contact going.
This sounds rough, I’m sorry.
She broke up with you to try out relationships with others. I don’t think it gets any more clear than that. She may genuinely love your company and you as a person, but she is also clearly attracts to other people.
It was a shock because you thought the relationship was going well. But, now you get to decide if you will use this opportunity to grow, also try new things and explore what life could hold for you.
People are being very presumptuous about cheating that probably wasn’t happening.
No contact is always the correct answer. You can reevaluate if she contacts you, but don’t initiate.
This is common at this age though. A lot of people kind of shift around the age of 25 and kind of have that lack of experience regret.
Keep no contact, and if you have the stomach try to find someone else that you can have something casual with. It will make things feel more “equal” so you’ll build less resentment towards her, because otherwise you will. The “I still love you” speech is always super gross in my opinion and it’s natural to feel sickened by that.
There isnt much you can do, but best thing to do is to maintain your self respect, only to do that is to accept her decision and move on.
You’re hurting now but it will pass. Keep yourself busy, hit the gym, make plans with old friends and new friends, get involve with in new hobbies, download new dating apps. Like my therapist once said, “fake it until it becomes reality.”
Don’t contact. I would try looking for a different job before you have to go back too.
Focus on your healing and moving forward. Anything to hopefully get you where you need to be by winter time.
I would not entertain taking her back if her exploration doesn’t come to fruition for her.
You have every right to be hurt. And stopping any communication immediately was the right thing. Focus on friends. Maybe have a few one and down dates when you’re feeling up to it. Focus on you.
Hugs. A break up like this hurts. It will get better. It doesn’t feel like it right now. But it will. Just be happy you learned now vs after marriage.
Don’t break no contact. Making contact will only end up making you feel worse and it does not aid in recovering. Avoid long distance relationships as this sort of thing happens a lot.
She started being with you when she was 20. She is outgrowing the relationship. Let her be.
I’m so sorry this happened.
This is strange love
I know it hurts, unlike a lot of people she was honest with you and didn’t just cheat on you. There’s still a chance for a future in this case, but don’t wait around for it. Just start living your life. The right person will show up and you’ll fall in love again. If she loses out on you that’s all on her.
You made the right choice. By winter you might have healed enough for the encounters to be less painful.
I don’t see their relationship lasting so it’s possible that they will broke up by then anyways.
Keep no contact. And try to find a new full time job instead of summer here and winter there kinda stuff.
When a gf does this, things are over. You did yourself a solid by ending it fast rather than painfully slow.
I never thought one should be in a long term commited relationships until mid twenties or later. You have to date a variety of people and have sufficient experiences to make a decision about who will make a good long-term partner. Don’t think she has dated a sufficient number of people to figure out who she wants to have a long term marriage with. This is life nothing personal. You probably dated enough to people to make such a decision. She is not there yet. I suggest you let her go. She may come back with time and the ball will be in your court as to accept her back or not. In mean time you may find perfect partner who is ready. Life is a journey, keep your life moving forward.
Not knowing can drive a person mad. If it’s important for you to know, you can ask her to tell you honestly, to help give you closure. However, if you know you can get over it with time, that’s also an option.
It’s a painful situation, but life can be like this. For your sake, I’m glad she told you before she decided to act on it. It keeps things a lot more “tidy”.
Personally I’d change jobs or departments if I could, and move on.
She liked you, and she maybe even thought you were a safe fallback option. She did/does not love you.
She flat said she wanted to bang other dudes. Kudos to her she told you though.
They have been flirting with each other for a while. She probably was already hooking up with him. He was pissed off when you visited and he demanded her to break up with you or he wasn’t going to be with her anymore.
This reminds me of How to be Single lol
Stay no contact and don’t take her back when she comes crawling back.
“Squirrel!”
Clarity always sounds nice but doesn’t actually change anything in the moment. If you need closure still by winter then worry about it, but most people I know or in my own experience, when we say we want closure, we really just want the person to realize they messed up and change their mind.
Just keep the no contact. You don’t need to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have the same intentions as you. She can be non-monogamous if she wants to. That’s her preference. But you don’t need to be in that type of relationship if it’s not what you want.