I’m looking for perspective on navigating differences in relationship and sexual experience between partners. I recently ended a two-year relationship because I felt unsure about whether I was ready to commit without having dated more people. My ex had more prior relationship and sexual experience than me, and I was her first serious partner.
I’ve noticed that this difference in experience made me feel insecure and uncertain about my feelings. I worried that I might eventually want to seek other experiences, which could hurt her, so I chose to end things before that happened.
Now I’m wondering if others have been in a similar situation, where one partner had significantly more experience than the other and how you approached building trust and security in that dynamic. Were there ways you worked through it? Did taking time apart to date other people help or hurt your ability to reconnect later?
I want to better understand how to process these feelings so I can make more confident choices in the future, whether that’s with her or someone else.
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If you meet the person you can live your whole life together with, you are twice as lucky who only finds that person on his second try etcetc.
You made a tough decision… But its a smart one (long term).
Its tough to know what you want out of a relationship when you only had one experience.
Shopping around. Getting a feel for what else is out there. Feeling out different personality types and connection textures, different love languages, different sexual energies, etc…
It teaches you what you actually want / need out of your relationship to be completely satisfied with it.
Until you gain a wider perspective towards love and people… Its tough to know what to actually look for.
I feel everyone should go through a couple relationships or explore around in their adulthood.
Through those experiences you gain information for what boxes you need checked. Eventually you will meet that one person where its like dam… Every single one of my boxes are checked with you, I am all in on this and would be more than happy to settle into marriage with it.
And unfortunately… Breaking up to explore this journey. Probably should keep eyes forward. Meaning, there is no hope for you and your ex reconnecting 5 years from now. You two will be completely different people. Probably won’t even want the same things out of a relationship at that point of time. This one is going to be dead and gone.
To explore this, you have to allow yourself to be free. That means, letting go of hope with your ex down the road.
>Did taking time apart to date other people help or hurt your ability to reconnect later?
Breaks rarely work. And I mean rarely. Do not move forward with your life expecting to get back together with this person. You ended it, it’s over.
Some people have little relationship experience but are thoughtful, mature, empathetic, skilled in difficult conversation, etc. Some people have never been single their whole adult lives and never learn from their mistakes or what it is they need from themselves and other people. Some people sleep around and are still garbage in bed.
You ended the relationship because you didn’t see it working out long term. You’re thinking too much about it.
Yeah, I wouldn’t expect your ex to take you back. She had no way of knowing if you were the best she could do in terms of committed relationships, and yet she decided to take the leap anyway. Leaving now might’ve been better than cheating or breaking up because you found someone specific, but if your goal was to avoid causing her pain, I don’t think you managed that.
As for whether seeking out other experiences was worth it, I guess you’re just going to have to see. Either way, hopefully your next serious partner will be willing to evaluate the relationship solely on the basis of whether they want to be with you now and for the foreseeable future, not what came before or what-ifs.
What’s done is done, you guys broke up. I definitely wouldn’t plan on getting back together later, because a break up really tends to demolish the foundations of trust, security, and hope, that relationships rely on. Even if you got back together, it probably wouldn’t feel the same or be sustainable (based on my own life and observations, take that as you will)
However, it sounds like you had experiences you wanted to have, and questions you needed to answer about yourself. You also sound like you’re saying that you were really in a mental space where it was either leave or risk cheating, but maybe I misunderstood.
Leaving is 100x better than cheating, so in that case, I think you made the best decision you could with the information you had.
You’ll be okay. Every relationship is a chance to learn more about yourself and the world. Just because this one ended, that doesn’t mean in was a failure, you still shared experiences and grew from it.
Taking a break to fuck other people is hardly ever going to work out well.
But I agree that if you are under 27 years, it can be very important to date around and see what other people are like in relationships before settling down. Just be honest about it with your new partners.