I 25(F) met my now fiance(26M) five years ago and we started dating really quick, a year into our relationship we met each other’s families, my family loves him because of how he treats me, he’s honestly the most wonderful guy. His family also likes me, the only person I’ve really had problems with is his older sister(29)
See ever since I’ve met his family his sister has always had a problem with my weight, I’ve always been on the bigger side and for the longest time, it took a really long time to gain some self-confidence. So meeting his family his sister has always made some remarks about how I should do something about my weight, even going as far as to directly tell I’m too ugly and fat for her brother that she doesn’t know why he would settle for less. My fiance never heard any of these things because 1)She’s always been good at hiding her disgust of me from him and 2) I never told him because I didn’t want to cause trouble between them, he adores his sister.
Well we’re getting married in 3 months and 2 weeks ago I finally found my dream dress. I went to my fitting with my mother, future mother in law and sister in law and as I, my mother and mother in law were gushing at how perfect the dress was for me sister was looking at me with what can only be described as disgust, then she went on a long rant about how I would of course settle for less because nothing good would actually fit me, she went on to detail everything that was wrong with me and how I looked and even with both my mom and hers trying to stop her she did not stop only got worse with her little crash out. It got to a point where I had to stop everything and just leave. Before I even got home my mother had already called my fiance and told him what happened so understandably he was furious, he sat me down and asked me about it and for the first time in four years I told him everything, we ended up spending the rest of the day crying with him profusely apologizing for never noticing and he promised to fix it.
What I didn’t expect was him waking up the next morning and deciding to un-invite his sister to our wedding, his exact words were “A wedding is a celebration of love between the bride and groom and the people who go, go to celebrate them” he said that since she clearly cannot be happy for us, she can save both her time and money and just not go and that was it. I didn’t expect it and when I asked him why he would do that he told me that yes he loves his sister will continue to do so but he will not compromise my day and my happiness just because his sister is small minded. I had no problem with that, his family however have all called me to apologize on her behalf and ask him to reconsider, at first I refused but now after his mother called me to tell me that I’m being a selfish witch and I’m already tearing her family apart.
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I 25(F) met my now fiance(26M) five years ago and we started dating really quick, a year into our relationship we met each other’s families, my family loves him because of how he treats me, he’s honestly the most wonderful guy. His family also likes me, the only person I’ve really had problems with is his older sister(29)
See ever since I’ve met his family his sister has always had a problem with my weight, I’ve always been on the bigger side and for the longest time, it took a really long time to gain some self-confidence. So meeting his family his sister has always made some remarks about how I should do something about my weight, even going as far as to directly tell I’m too ugly and fat for her brother that she doesn’t know why he would settle for less. My fiance never heard any of these things because 1)She’s always been good at hiding her disgust of me from him and 2) I never told him because I didn’t want to cause trouble between them, he adores his sister.
Well we’re getting married in 3 months and 2 weeks ago I finally found my dream dress. I went to my fitting with my mother, future mother in law and sister in law and as I, my mother and mother in law were gushing at how perfect the dress was for me sister was looking at me with what can only be described as disgust, then she went on a long rant about how I would of course settle for less because nothing good would actually fit me, she went on to detail everything that was wrong with me and how I looked and even with both my mom and hers trying to stop her she did not stop only got worse with her little crash out. It got to a point where I had to stop everything and just leave. Before I even got home my mother had already called my fiance and told him what happened so understandably he was furious, he sat me down and asked me about it and for the first time in four years I told him everything, we ended up spending the rest of the day crying with him profusely apologizing for never noticing and he promised to fix it.
What I didn’t expect was him waking up the next morning and deciding to un-invite his sister to our wedding, his exact words were “A wedding is a celebration of love between the bride and groom and the people who go, go to celebrate them” he said that since she clearly cannot be happy for us, she can save both her time and money and just not go and that was it. I didn’t expect it and when I asked him why he would do that he told me that yes he loves his sister will continue to do so but he will not compromise my day and my happiness just because his sister is small minded. I had no problem with that, his family however have all called me to apologize on her behalf and ask him to reconsider, at first I refused but now after his mother called me to tell me that I’m being a selfish witch and I’m already tearing her family apart.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.I let my fiance un-invite his sister to our wedding
2. It might seem as if I’m coming between their family, allowing the relationship to strain because of me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
His mother witnessed sister belittle you at your WEDDING DRESS APPOINTMENT and YOU’RE the witch??
You have nothing to apologize for. She will only do the same at the wedding, if invited. NTA
NTA. You’re worth the fight.
This family sounds horrible.
Why is MIL coming to YOU to call you hateful? You’re not the one who un-invited sister and you’re not the one who was hateful. But somehow it’s YOUR fault?
Direct your MIL to talk to her son and her own daughter and sort the mess out. They may come to you with an apology and a resolution.
Edit to add – your fiance sounds like a stand-up guy…next time don’t hide stuff from him so that he can help you resolve things. You deserve his support, no point hiding stuff to protect him, it comes out anyways.
First of all your fiancé sounds like such an amazing man. Congratulations on your engagement he’s a keeper for sure. Secondly— you didn’t ask him to uninvite her. No matter what your in laws may or not believe, he chose to do that, not you.
Your MIL wanted to stop her in that moment because she knew it was wrong but once someone takes action and holds her accountable for those actions, now it’s a problem? Absolutely not. I’m sure they’re apologizing but unless the apology comes directly from your sister in law, I would say you should let a sleeping dog lay.
It’s absolutely terrible to speak to you that way when shopping for one of the most important dresses you’ve ever bought. I am sure you are beautiful, do not let this affect your confidence.
Excuse me ??? Your mother in law sat there and watch your sister in law disrespect you , and she said your a selfish witch?? So what that make her UGLY daughter .
NTA. This is a great lesson that he handles drama that comes from his family, and you will handle any drama coming from yours. Not only that, he has your back and will not tolerate her actions. Good. For. Him.
It’s as much his day as it is yours. If he wants to uninvite his sister then thats up to him.
NAH except for your future SIL. This is a sibling domestic and not your place to get invovled. Support your future husband’s wishes in this. If his family come to you, tell them it’s his decision, you’re happy to have or there or not as long as he is and if they want to change minds then they should talk to him.
Wishing you a wonderful wedding and a magnificent marriage
NTA. You really scored with that man
Your man sounds pretty awesome. His immediate family, much less so. NTA!
You have a keeper here. I understand why you didn’t tell him but he is taking care of it now. He also needs to know about his mother’s call so that he can deal with that as well. Let this man show you how he will care for you. NONE of this is your fault. He chose you. His sister and apparently his mother aren’t happy and that is for him to sort. You go on and have a lovely life with or without MIL and SIL, THEIR CHOICE!
NTA. I notice you say family calls to apologize, but not SIL. That is everything you need to know. She isn’t sorry.
NTA and kudos for your man sticking up for you. I wish yall a beautiful happily married life…One last thing by chance was the sister in law dumped for a plus size woman in her past or is she just fat phobic either way she’s an AH
Tell your future Monster-in-Law. that her daughter’s behavior over several years is tearing her family apart, not you. Also, this is your husband’s decision, not yours. You support him but at the end of the day it is his decision. And I agree with the decision. Your future Monster-in-Law is only looking at saving face with the extended family. She really doesn’t care about her daughter’s negative behavior on the negative effect it has caused.
If I was a betting man, I would say the daughter most likely voiced her own opinions about you to the Monster-in-Law. The continued behavior would be indicative that the Monster-in-Law cares more about the daughter than her son’s and your relationship.
NTA and sounds like his mom is about to get disinvited too.
NTA and you definitely have a keeper there!
NTA, but why in the world would you have invited her dress shopping? Your future MIL needs to have a warning from your fiance too. Why is she not talking to her daughter about tearing the family apart?
NTA, this is HIS immediate family.
Like… it’s his last call.
You should kindly tell his family members, while you appreciate them acknowledging that a grievous act was committed here, it’s not for them to apologize. The only person whose apology matters seems silent on the matter.
That’s not to say you should definitely accept her apology as a “welcome back to the wedding”. Your SIL spent years burning a bridge. She’s the only person who can rebuild it.
NTA. If anything, the MIL’s comments should be reaffirming your decision to not try getting your fiance to change his mind. Four years of this treatment is very much worth not letting SIL come. I’d make sure however you let your fiance know about what his mom said because keeping quiet about all this in the beginning is why it’s gone on for so long. Communication is a key factor for a healthy relationship, even if it’s saying things that may hurt.