So here’s the situation me (29f) and my boyfriend (29m) of 4 years who we’ll call Tommy met “Cali” not her real name, she’s 38. We met her though someone in our friend group and slowly got to know her. Me and my boyfriend had always talked about wanting to explore having threesomes and group sex and we discovered that Cali was adventurous in her sexuality. Cali started seeing this guy we’ll call him Bob and he is poly and told her see could see other people as well. Her story deserves another post of it’s own but that could be for another time. Anyways after we discovered how freaking Cali is we decided to see if she or anyone she knew was interested in doing a threesome. Initially I wasn’t super attracted to Cali, but we also weren’t sure if we would get a chance to really explore with someone as we both don’t really go out that much. We’re more of home bodies. Cali never had a threesome and neither had we so it was something new to all of us. We eventually had our first threesome mid March and it was great. We had a lot of fun and it was exciting for all of us. A few months passed and the excitement of it started to pass for me, I couldn’t find Cali all that attractive still. Her personality is great and her body is amazing. As shitty as it is for me to say I’m just not attracted to her face. I also realized recently that she reminds me of an ex boss who did me wrong and now I can’t unsee it. So within these few months Cali and Bob broke up and Cali started seeing someone else. We’ve gotten checked so we’re all being safe about it. Our last threesome was the end of June the reason for that is Tommy and I were starting to have issues in our relationship. They were not due to Cali at all but I just wanted me and him to get in a better place with our relationship before doing threesomes again. Cali was cool with it she had started seeing a couple of people but really fell for this new guy. This new guy has been treating her so well and I think they’re going to be together for a while. This new guy is more of someone who wants a more of a non monogamous relationship, were they sleep with other people together rather than separately sleep around. So while Tommy and I have been patching up our relationship we decided that we don’t really want to see Cali in physical way anymore but we do want to explore threesomes with other people. Here’s the issues Cali has a whole set of issues. She’s been in multiple toxic relationships and was abused by her family and boyfriends in the past so needless to say she’s been through a lot and we don’t want to hurt her. The other day she called and her new man and her had talked and they want to possibly expirence a foursome or group sex with us. Tommy thinks we shouldn’t necessarily break things off completely cause she could be someone to introduce us to finding someone do to threesomes with or other explore other aspects of group play and kink stuff, but neither one of us really want to have sex with her anymore. She also picked up smoking cigarettes again and that’s a big turn off for both of us, but I would feel really bad if she quit and we still weren’t having sex with her. What should we do?
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Good god just tell her you don’t want a physical relationship with her anymore
First, please, cut your text in paragraphs. Reading giant blocks of text is terrible. Second, just dump Cali. You don’t owe her nothing. She was basically a FWB. If she takes it negatively, well, it’s her problem. You can’t control her feelings.
I’m sorry but your boyfriend sounds disgusting. He cares more about keeping this woman around so you guys can maybe find more people to fuck together? I think you need to move away from all of this mess. And I’m not saying this as some judgemental prude. My partner and I also hook up with someone else. This entire situation is bad and you and your bf don’t need to be bringing anyone into your mess.
You, use words and actions. But as you’ll likely find out, it’s not that “easy”, things will never quite go back to normal or one of the couple will continue the “relationship” on the side. Ultimate FAFO
Just tell her you and your boyfriend are just going to work on your own relationship right now.
I would just say you think it’s better to move onto new partners for a bit so things don’t get weird with your friendship and be like I’ll let you know if things change.
You wanted to experience threesomes not a third in your relationship. One person over and over is odd, no?
You just tell her you’re done with threesomes. It’s that simple.
Tell her you guys need a break to work on your relationship.