I (19F) often hang out at a relative’s house. My older cousin David (44M) is there a lot too. He has a girlfriend named Stephanie. They just had a baby, Marvin, a week ago.
For months during Stephanie’s pregnancy, David has been complaining to everyone in the family that he wished the baby was a girl and that Stephanie is “so difficult” and “impossible to deal with.” I don’t know the exact details, but from how he talks, I assume they’re having a rough relationship in which she doesn’t treat him very well. He also lost a relative during the pregnancy, which hit him hard.
When we’re both at the house, he often vents to me about Stephanie. I usually just nod and listen, even though it’s draining and I never asked to be involved.
Today, I asked him at the table, “How’s Marvin doing?” and he replied, “I have more trouble with Stephanie than with that baby.” I got annoyed and said, “That’s not a nice thing to say about the mother of your child. You should try to be a bit more understanding.”
He said, “You asked, I was just being honest.” I said, “I only asked about the baby. I’m not your therapist. You’ve been complaining about this for weeks and I never asked for it.”
He snapped back, “You don’t know anything about the situation, stay out of it.” Then, every time I tried to speak, he just shouted “SHUT UP” before I could finish my sentence.
I feel like I’ve been patient for months, listening to something I have nothing to do with, and when I finally set a boundary, he got aggressive. My other family members are angry with me for being so hard on him because Stephanie isn’t making it easy for him at all.
AITA?
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I (19F) often hang out at a relative’s house. My older cousin David (44M) is there a lot too. He has a girlfriend named Stephanie. They just had a baby, Marvin, a week ago.
For months during Stephanie’s pregnancy, David has been complaining to everyone in the family that he wished the baby was a girl and that Stephanie is “so difficult” and “impossible to deal with.” I don’t know the exact details, but from how he talks, I assume they’re having a rough relationship in which he doesn’t treat him very well. He also lost a relative during the pregnancy, which hit him hard.
When we’re both at the house, he often vents to me about Stephanie. I usually just nod and listen, even though it’s draining and I never asked to be involved.
Today, I asked him at the table, “How’s Marvin doing?” and he replied, “I have more trouble with Stephanie than with that baby.” I got annoyed and said, “That’s not a nice thing to say about the mother of your child. You should try to be a bit more understanding.”
He said, “You asked, I was just being honest.” I said, “I only asked about the baby. I’m not your therapist. You’ve been complaining about this for weeks and I never asked for it.”
He snapped back, “You don’t know anything about the situation, stay out of it.” Then, every time I tried to speak, he just shouted “SHUT UP” before I could finish my sentence.
I feel like I’ve been patient for months, listening to something I have nothing to do with, and when I finally set a boundary, he got aggressive. My other family members are angry with me for being so hard on him because Stephanie isn’t making it easy for him at all.
AITA?
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> AITA for being too harsh on him while he could be in a potentially abusive relationship?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. David sounds like a jerk. You might want to find a new place to hang out.
NTA. If you don’t wanna listen to it you don’t have to. If he wants someone to talk to he’s goes to the adults or to a therapist, though I doubt he’ll pick therapy because it sounds like he wants a yes man and therapist aren’t gonna do that for you. Also what exactly does your family mean when they say Stephanie isn’t making it easier for him?
It might be interesting to go hear Stephanie’s side of things.
No
NTA – that’s emotionally exhausting for someone to keep dumping and complaining to you and not allowing you to respond or say anything in return. This is especially worse since he’s an adult man and you’re only 19. If he needs to talk to someone, it should be someone his age who can provide him actual help/advice. Complaining/whining isn’t healthy at all especially if its constant and he’s not looking to fix anything.
You’re advice was solid- he should be more respectful and if there are actual relationship issues, they should see a therapist together especially since they have a kid together. He’s the a-hole for yelling at you. Don’t feel bad for standing your ground even if your family doesn’t understand the toxicity of his behaviour.
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NTA — so he tells you to “stay out of it” but peppers his conversation with gratuitously negative comments about the mother of his child. He sounds like a real jerk.
He’s 44 and acting like a 4 year old that didn’t get the red popsicle….. do you have any sort of relationship with Stephanie? Maybe talk to her about the baby.