I have a 14 month old daughter. She loves her grandma (my MIL). She (my MIL) is great with her and I have no problems with her.
My problem is with my grandmother in law. She is rude, and has treated me like an incubator since I was pregnant. Just the other day when I went over to my MIL, my GMIL was there. I said hi, she ignored me while first gushing over my daughter. I said hi twice and she ignored me until she was done saying hi to my daughter.
She has ignored boundaries and given unsolicited advice. She also has a history of physical abuse.
I am okay with her being around my daughter while I’m present, but not while I’m gone.
My problem is this – I would like to go swimming two or three times a week. I’ve tried using the childminding at the gym/pool, but my daughter doesn’t tolerate it. So my next option is to leave her with my MIL for the >2 hours I’m gone.
However, her mother (GMIL) will randomly show up without notice.
Am I unreasonable to ask that she do not have her mother around while I’m not present? I know she would not let her do anything abusive like hit her, but I’ve been witness to her weird narcissistic and passive aggressive behavior towards my daughter, and it rubs me the wrong way. I’m not sure my MIL notices tbh. I’m worried my GMIL will talk badly about me as well, because I’ve been told of her doing that too.