I need a vent and thank god I found this sub
It’s been a boundary since I had my first baby that my partner and I (more so me, but still we try to present a united front) don’t want any pictures of the baby on social media. For lots of reasons, but mainly our jobs, my general yuck feeling I get when I think about my baby’s pictures online and just wanting to protect baby’s privacy in general – I know not everyone feels this way and I never judge people who do or don’t want their kids online as it’s none of my business (as long as it isn’t my kid!!!)
This boundary has been very well respected for months now (baby is now nearing 6months) but I opened up FB this evening and my baby is my MILs brand new profile picture – full face and body and everything. My heart and stomach dropped and I saw that it had been uploaded for an hour and multiple people who I didn’t know but are friends of my MIL had seen it, liked it and a few commented. I was very upset and my husband immediately called her and got her to remove it. She initially only deleted it from her feed, so there was a bit of back and forth to get her to delete the picture completely.
The photo was deleted but I feel incredibly upset, but also feel bad for being upset – my partner has said that he has fallen out with his mom because of the whole ordeal and I feel dreadful as he’s quite upset too. But I keep trying to tell myself that it’s not our fault and we don’t need to feel bad – is this correct?
I don’t know how to move forward with boundaries. I sort of don’t want her to be sent any photos of baby anymore but I don’t want to cause a full family upset.
For context: I had a horrific pregnancy (HG, hospital admissions, horrible delivery, PPH and an awful recovery that I’ve needed ongoing treatment for birth injuries. TMI, I couldn’t sit in a car for longer than 10 minutes without being in agony. We live about 1hr from MIL, who doesn’t drive. MIL came to the hospital to see us before we went home after the birth and we’ve seen her probs on average once a month. MIL has messaged my partner before to say that they were disappointed we don’t visit more, but he explained that he works long shifts, and without going into detail about my recovery, we’ve relied on people coming to visit us.
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That was your boundary. It was broken. End of story. Time out for MIL. Let a few weeks blow over and hubby and her can rekindle. Stay out of it.
The things that can be done with AI by disgusting people gets sicker by the day. A full body pic is gold to them. They now use age progression to feed unspeakable stuff. I won’t post sources here. But if you have a strong stomach, do a little digging and drop the proof on MIL.
You did nothing wrong. She was willing to sell her grandbaby’s safety in exchange for likes. In your shoes, I would be taking a break that causes her to miss a milestone or two. It was a big deal to openly defy you on something so serious. I hope that her profile doesn’t leave breadcrumbs to her front door because that would be another angle to consider.
You’re not the one causing a full family upset, she is by disrespecting your boundary. Facebook has a process for requesting the removal of minor’s photos from other’s feeds. Report her for each violation and she’ll eventually land in FB jail if she continues.
She’s lost the privilege of having photos of your child by not abiding by your rules. That’s on her.
Stick with what works for you, your husband and your child. Her transportation woes are not yours to deal with.
You appear to have a good husband who is handling his mother appropriately. That’s the majority of the battle.