First time poster, so hello everyone!
My mom and I always had a weird relationship, mostly because my dad is an asshole and played us so we‘ll fight all the time and he’s the good one. He’s not the focus of this, but I think he’s one of the big reasons my mom is the way she is.
I also wanna preface this by saying that I love my mom, but sometimes she can be really, really difficult. In this instance it’s about her stealing/copying my interest ever since she and my dad split up.
When I started college, I tried getting into baking, but I sucked. I tried again years later and something must’ve clicked and now I’m a great baker. I love making special cakes and make everything, except for sprinkles, from scratch.
My mom used to make cakes and pies from box mixes and we were big on baking Christmas cookies but that was it.
Then, a few months after my cakes got better and my family and friends gave me a lot of praise, she suddenly was such a great baker as well. She bought a pink Kitchenaid when she knew that getting one was my dream, but I just didn’t have the money yet. It stood around for 3 years until she started using it.
We had some small arguments over the cakes now for family parties, because I used to do all of them and now she wanted to do some as well. And I’m not being mean when I say that they don’t taste good. For my birthday, she made one with buttercream, when I told her several times I don’t like it, but she did it anyways. I came up with my own frosting recipe, because she didn’t like buttercream either and I wanted her to like her birthday cake. She now keeps asking for the recipe, but I will never give it to her.
Baking is not the only thing, but the biggest. She’s currently off work because she got cancer (it’s going well tho!!) and I feel so bad for feeling like this, but I just get so annoyed when she’s mentioning that she’s baking this and that for people. And sometimes she has me eat some of it and it’s still not good and it drives me a little nuts.
Other things are that when I discovered my love for pink, she SUDDENLY loved pink as well and bought stuff that I told her I want to buy if I’m in a financially better spot. It’s dangling in front of me in her apartment and I just know she doesn’t use it.
At this point I’m glad my parents made me learn the guitar so I have at least one thing for myself since she doesn’t have the patience to learn an instrument.
I don’t think she does it to be mean or something. I think she has a hard time to be her own person and to discover new things on her own, because she wasn’t really able to while being with my dad. But to me it‘s just so irritating. Can she just let me have my own things? My own style?
I don’t know how to let this go an not care. I used to be really good at it, but the last 6 years, my life has been a bit upside down and I’m finally at the point where things are getting better.
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You can’t control other people. Set boundaries for yourself. If you don’t like her baking then don’t eat it. If you don’t want to match her in pink outfits, don’t match her or go out with her.
If you don’t want to share hobbies with her, then don’t include her in your hobbies. She can only copy you if you give her details.
If you want to bake a cake for an event, do it. You can both bring a cake. No one is stopping you but you.
Anything she can afford that you can’t is just life. She isn’t taking anything away from you by buying it for herself.
Put on a hideous coloured wig & tell her it’s your new hairstyle.When she copies you just whip off the wig and laugh like you’re crazy!
Your mom’s trying to live vicariously through you. It’s like she’s trying to relive her youth or find herself through your interests. Not cool, especially when she’s not even good at baking. Maybe just set some boundaries or have an open chat with her about how you feel.
I’ve been through this with my mum it is infuriating
Stop telling her so much. Don’t tell her what you want.
It sucks, but it seems like she can’t handle the info like an adult.
Also, don’t blame your dad. She wouldn’t have married him if she didn’t already have some dysfunction going on.
She’s not “sharing your interests,” she’s cosplaying as you because she doesn’t know who she is without copying someone. Annoying as hell, but the best revenge is making your stuff so good she can’t keep up.
Okay, I’m gonna play devil’s advocate for a second (I usually hate a DA but I think it’s relevant here)
Is this maybe your mom’s way of trying to connect with you? It’s heavy handed and clumsy, but she sounds emotionally immature and may not have the tools to just outright say she wants to better her relationship with you. I could be waaaaay off, but based on the limited info you’ve given, it could just be a bid for connection and NOT competition.
Your feelings are valid, and I also hate when people copy me and I’ve never vibed with “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”. But what if you asked your mom if she wanted to hang out and bake together? Make it a bonding activity. Maybe if you make a point of actively including her she won’t feel the need to “steal” your interests and hobbies. Or maybe I’m wrong. Either way, could be worth a shot.