Me 30F, 35M BF , 7 yr of relationship. Past 4 years i have been trying to convince my family for marriage. They are very rigid specially my father and because of that others do not agree. 3-4 time my bf and family talked on calls but they were rude to him. In return I was fighting with them alot for accepting him. I am someone who never asked for anything since my childhood and who use to be the quiet one, now is sometimes fighting silently and sometimes very angrily when things are not right. For 2 years I was trying to convince them anyhow but later i got to know that they will not agree and lets do it ourselves. Then his family came into picture and they ruined the time. Whenever we talked about marriage it became a point of ladai and his anger and he started blaming me that i couldn’t take decison, but i was always there to do it in anyway. So there was no point when i could have said that lets do the marriage without family now at this moment, Somehow we agreed in early 2025 to marry. At that point my family got to know and they wanted to meet him to do proper marriage. I insisted him to meet the family and he was not very much interested but then I think out of anger or to be done with it he called his brother to meet with family and we went. From my angle it was there last chance to get involved in my marriage, I am single daughter and 2 younger brothers. There didn’t go as expected and my family said they don’t want to marry, I said to my family this isn’t the time to say no, even if you say no, i am going to marry him. This conversation happened in hotel only but when my bf was not around for few minutes. After that i went home with family as i travelled from another city. In the conversation i felt like i was being betrayed from my family as before coming they said they are coming to meet just to talk about how to do things positive. At home there have been conversation about how to do marriage, convincing each other. My brother without my knowledge talked about flat n all to his family and after that conversation his father’s bp shoot 200+ for few days. Later he got fine. Its been 6 months to this event. For 3 months we have been staying together, but mostly we fight if we talk. Otherwise, one of us stay out of home either in office, or somewhere else thinking if we talk we will fight. He is stuck with the thing that i didn’t took his side in front of him that day, i didn’t stopped my family that day in front of him, or i didn’t immediately went back instead of going home. But he don’t care that i myself was in shock when all things happened. And I am not the person who reacts back immediately or on spot. Although before going to the meeting he told me not to speak there. There have been huge fight i did with my family when went home that day. Its been 6 months i haven’t talked with my family. Not even once. Now he says he started hating me or don’t want to marry. He also included other things now of age and all that he is getting older but its true for me as well. He is 35 and i am 30 as of now. Female peak age is around. Wasn’t he aging the day before that meeting. I am deeply in love with him. We both have been Always loyal, never lied, enjoyed each other’s company so far. In past 6 months i tried everything to resolve this, to make him lighter at heart, to help him let go. But failed. Now I moved out of his place as I started feeling hurt and worthless, its like he is chosing to hurt my feelings. He says he dont care and dont want to care about me or my feelings. I tried to understand him and apologised for not taking stand instantly that day. In all this process I have lost my confidence now, i lost motivation. My whole world was around him. I feel whether i did wrong to love and trust so much to him and my family that i couldn’t think of myself? Earlier i was convincing my family now i tried convincing him. I use to be someone who couldn’t hold any grudge but now I hate my family. I feel things must been better. Jiske liye ye sab kia at the end he says he hate me and dont want to be with me. I am still hoping if he would come back after sometime once he had his space to figure out. What if by then i feel betrayed or given up on.
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It sounds like you don’t have enough independence from your family to block their negativity, and maybe your boyfriend’s parents aren’t willing to support the marriage because your family disapproves. Being 30 is not a problem; not being able to enforce boundaries or have an independent life is a problem.
If you want any relationship, you have to prove you won’t tolerate people who treat you and your boyfriend badly. Marriage means your partner is your family and priority. Your family is clearly invested in sabotaging your relationships and the future that you want, so you have to stop caring about what they say, and stop involving them in your life. It’s also worth asking yourself if you want to marry this man because you are confusing the freedom of making a choice with love.