ReddFeed.com

UPDATE: Tried to confront MIL to firmly establish boundaries and it went worse than I imagined

r/

Update to this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/AgtgYPHDUH
Hope that link works, I’m not super savvy with Reddit

Just wanted to give an update as I got a lot of feedback on my last post and I definitely listened. I realized I wasn’t being fully honest with myself or DH about where we were as a team or how I was feeling. It is true that we have come a looooong way, but still have some work to do.

I ended up having a talk with DH and I was completely honest about how I felt, him not backing me up without request, how all I want is peace and his mother is making it impossible. I read him the “rock the boat” post, and it really resonated with him as a life-long boat steadier.

He agreed with everything I said and admitted he was really upset by the way his mother spoke to me but just didn’t know how to move forward or what to do. I said that we have been requesting she respect us and she’s been steam rolling without consequences and she has seriously crossed the line this time. We talked some more and came to an agreement.

I am so proud to say MIL is officially on a time out for the first time. We agreed on 2 weeks for now and then we will reassess. I mentioned the family member that has been in the hospital in my last post; that issue is still ongoing so that does complicate things a little bit but I am proud of DH and for the first time in 2 years I don’t feel alone or like he’s got one foot in each boat.

He talked to her last night and it obviously didn’t go well but you guys I am so effing proud of my man. He stuck up for not only me and our family, but himself too.

Thanks to everyone here who has read anything I’ve posted or taken the time to share their experiences and give advice! I really don’t think we would have gotten here without it

Comments

  1. botinlaw Avatar
    botinlaw

    Quick Rule Reminders:

    OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.

    ^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)

    Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)

    Other posts from /u/DearPomegranate1200:

    ^(This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts,) ^(click here)

    ^(To be notified as soon as DearPomegranate1200 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe DearPomegranate1200 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)

    ^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)

  2. aparrotslifeforme Avatar
    aparrotslifeforme

    Oh thank god

  3. Powerful_Put_6977 Avatar
    Powerful_Put_6977

    That is terrific news!!! Well done to both of you.

    A point of note – now that you’re in agreement on how things, at least for the moment, are to go in relation to his mother, do not be surprised if she tries to skirt these boundaries that you have in place. She will try to use everything at her disposal to wear you both down as she isn’t used to people telling her no, or to any great degree putting her on a “Time Out”. Start practising if you have to whatever your responses will be to her or even to her ‘flying monkeys’.

    Now that you’re both on the same page, it will be harder for her to get around your boundaries but for every time your husband is about to waver and let things to back to how they used to be, remind him how things used to be and regroup and you’ll be fine.

    Well done to you!