My (m38) gf (33f) just publicly disrespected me. Not only that, but in front of her good friend (30f). L and I have been together for almost 3.5 years. How do I handle this moving forward? I’m trying to practice stoicism, but I worry it comes off as aloof?
My gf (L) was out with her friend (K) at a bar and called me and asked I wanted to come join them, this was at about midnight. I had just finished work and headed over and arrived by 12:30am. I was really excited to see them, I don’t know K very well, but she’s sweet and talkative, so we were having fun, at about 1:20 a guy walked up to L and started talking to her while the 3 of us were sitting there, he very quickly started hitting on her and when he did, she introduced K and completely ignored me, like I wasn’t there. K looked at me, mortified, I sat there and waited for her to recognize how inappropriately she was behaving, but it went on for about 25 minutes before I just got up to leave. I wasn’t about to fly off the handle in a bar over a girl. When I left, the guy and his friends were asking them if they wanted to go to an after hours spot and he was asking her to his place. She still hadn’t acknowledged me, I don’t have time to be treated like that, so I was done.
K asked L to leave as well and we all left together. I drove K home and didn’t say a word to L, who asked if I was angry with her. I told her “yes” she asked why and I said “L that was incredibly disrespectful.” I didn’t say anything else to her, she was talking the whole ride to her place, I told her I didn’t want to speak to her.
She said a few things on the drive.
“I hope you’re not mad at me.”
“I’m just trying to rise the tide for K.”
“I’m a really good friend and I just want to be there for K.”
She got very angry as we approached her place and told me she is unhappy because her apartment is too small. I told her “I see, so that’s what’s most important right now.” I dropped her off and drove home, she called 5 times but I let it ring. She left no messages.
We were supposed to see a concert tonight, but I’ve cancelled that. She hasn’t reached out since. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
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I’m ngl dude I wouldn’t date a woman who is comfortable entertaining other men in front of me. Proud of you for keeping a cool head and handling it appropriately.
You handled it with composure. Walking away instead of blowing up at the bar showed a lot of self-control.
You don’t need to punish or lecture her. Just decide if this is the kind of treatment you are willing to accept long-term.
You handle that like a King move on there will be another one that will treat you right.
Ignoring your partner in public while entertaining another guy is not being a good friend, it’s disrespect, plain and simple.
L is a really shitty wingwoman if that’s the excuse she’s going with.
Wingwomen are supposed to redirect all attention back to their friends. And “Sorry, I have a BF (who’s literally right here), but my friend is single…” is a great way to do that.
And L is 33 years old, so she should know boundaries well enough to know you don’t flirt with other people when you’re in a relationship.
You are right to feel like that, you’d think at her age she should have the emotional intelligence and capacity to not act like a horny teenager. It’s very disrespectful behaviour, and I’m sorry you went through that. Maybe when you feel ready reach out to her and have a serious conversation. Then observe her and her responses. Will she take responsibility, or will she gaslight you? Then you know what you must do.
She was flirting with another guy in front of you?
>I’m a really good friend and I just want to be there for K.
Yet K was mortified that she was actively breaking respectable boundaries in front of you. Yeah great friend.
I dont know what you want to do dude, but iv bee with my mrs 16 years, she has never done this, would actively tell the dude im her partner and ask me to step in if he didnt get the hint. But after 16 years, if she did this, especially in front of me i would leave, its not acceptable.
I dont do disrespect.
You’ve handled the situation perfectly so far – if you’re now looking for a new girlfriend, you’ve done everything right.
A good person wouldn’t treat you that way. A friend wouldn’t treat you that way and a partner wouldn’t treat you that way. I’d be done because she proved she’s willing to treat you like dirt.
You are far too valuable to put up with that trash.
If she acted that way in front of you, image how she acts when you’re not there.
Hey give me ( K ) contact info id be interested in her
In my unprofessional view this behavior is for one of 2 reasons:
She’s looking for you to fight for her, and be a macho masculine dudebro.
It’s the precursor to her cheating.
Either way it’s toxic as hell, and that wing woman excuse is utter bullshit. The fact she didn’t profusely apologize tells me everything. Did she ever acknowledge you as her boyfriend?
My ex wife behaved similarly on a few occasions and I reacted the same as you did, and also felt as you did. She ended up cheating.
The most important takeaway is that her behavior is not a reflection on you. It’s entirely her’s to own, and you did the right thing walking away. Knowing what I know now, that behavior would be the end of it for me.
Good luck bud, you deserve better.
I’m really sorry. As a woman, it’s painful to tell you that she will likely blame the alcohol for her poor behavior.
Please know that K was mortified for you because she saw how out of line L was being.
Breaking up with her could restore your self confidence. Staying with her will ultimately cause distrust and resentment. She isn’t worth it.
End it. Move on. Bigger and better things.
Give it a week then if you don’t get an apology I would tell her congratulations she’s single
Tell her she can date anyone she wants at any time, because she’s single now.
You handled it perfectly. Let her stew on it.
The only worse disrespect than what she did in the bar is if she would have made out with the guy in front of you.
She stopped calling?
And nothing of value was lost
If that’s how she acts when you’re standing right there… imagine what she gets up to when you’re not.
Date k dump L
What makes you think that she’s your girlfriend? Her actions say anything but that.
Perhaps you can have K talk to her from her own perspective
Had K not asked her to leave with the two of you, would she have left with her new rando friends?