Hi everyone, I need some advice on a situation that has been bothering me and recently led to a disagreement with my boyfriend.
I am 24 and he is 26. We have been together for about a year and a half and overall our relationship has been great. Before we met, he was in a long term relationship for around seven years with a woman named Diana. She was an important part of his past and I have heard from friends that their relationship was toxic and that he might have been taken advantage of.
He is a huge Superman fan. Early in our relationship, he did a Superman photoshoot and really looked the part because he had been working out a lot. I found it attractive and it made me want to do some roleplay with him as Superman and me as myself. We had fun with it and there were no issues.
When news of the upcoming Superman movie came out, it brought the idea back for both of us. I wanted him to be Superman again and he suggested I be Wonder Woman. I liked the idea and bought a detailed, accurate Wonder Woman costume. It was fairly expensive but I wanted it to look nice.
The problem came when he told me he wanted to call me “Diana” during the roleplay. That is not only Wonder Woman’s real name, but also his ex’s name. I told him I was uncomfortable with it and suggested other characters like Supergirl or Lois Lane, but he was set on Wonder Woman and using the name Diana.
We talked about it calmly. He was not angry or yelling, but he did point out that the costume cannot be returned, so it feels like we spent a couple hundred dollars for nothing. We are not struggling financially, but I understand why that still feels like a waste.
I do not think he is still in love with his ex, but I feel uneasy about being called her name. I want to find a solution where we can both enjoy the scenario without it being uncomfortable for me. How can I bring this up in a way that helps us reach a compromise?
Edit: Superman not superhero
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Technically Diana isn’t the only Wonder Woman.
Her mother Hippolyta took on the role at one point. I doubt that helps though…
Yeah, that would be a no from me. Even if he’s not asking this because it’s his ex’s name, it’s almost impossible that saying her name in bed won’t make him think of her at least a little, and I couldn’t deal with that.
Ask him why he specifically wants to call you Diana as it wouldn’t change anything if you were Lois Lane. 💀 How exactly is that breaking his fantasy or wasting a costume if yall are doing role play? Role play is basically using your imagination, so why exactly is he so stuck up on the name Diana when you can be anything? 💀 This would give me an insane ick, and hopefully you communicate this to him.
Aight.
This is really, really weird. Straight up.
The being “set on” using the name of his ex is the weirdest bit. You could roleplay in the costume and just be Wonder Woman, or pick any other name, canon be damned. Also, he’s a fan of comics clearly, he knew when he suggested it that Wonder Woman’s real name is Diana, and just glazed over that fact.
Definitely strange and not cool. All the stuff about the costume not being returnable is weird and manipulative. “Let me call you my ex’s name under the guise of roleplay, or else we wasted all this money”. No dude, just keep the costume and respect your partner.
The compromise is just that he doesn’t call you Diana. That’s it. Period, end of story.
If he can’t do that, then I’d definitely be questioning the relationship, because it shows that he cares more about a fictional superhero roleplay than your boundaries.
(EDIT: https://screenrant.com/wonder-woman-new-name-secret-identity-cassandra-troy/
Apparently recently she has a new alias of “Cassandra Troy”, so if you want to try that on with him you could, if he still insists on Diana then you know it’s more about his ex than about any comic book relevance.)
I think your best tactic is a counter-strike. Do not stop this roleplaying experience but instead do it much more frequently. The main point is to overpower his old association with his ex-gf with a new association with your roleplay and your sexual experiences. You are both clearly mature enough not to escalate the jealousy at the start. So I think you can bear this through.