Just a venting session. Me and my bf (28M) got into an argument and he made a bold comment. He said he is a high value man (he has his own successful business and pays for all the bills) and that there is only a few of him out here. And that there is many of girls like “me” out here. I work part time so that I am able to do things around the house and help him occasionally while also working on my own small business that will hopefully become a lot busier one day. Today he is acting like nothing happened and being extra nice to me but that comment he made is on my mind. Unfortunately I don’t feel secure anymore. Would you?
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True high value men don’t gloat about being high value. He doesn’t appreciate you at all. I guarantee if you left he would feel some type of way about it regardless of him saying that there’s other girls like you. There’s only one you, you are one of one. This man is trying to bring you down and I don’t get why.
It’s true if he’s a high value guy. Be good to him otherwise he’ll go and find a young hot 21 year old.
Ask yourself…. is he right? What value do you bring to the relationship? I’m not trying to be harsh, but be honest when you answer yourself. The fact that he acted like nothing happened and was being super nice could answer my question about what you bring… a feeling of security to HIM. Most successful men have a woman who makes him elevate himself more than he could by himself. Being able to provide for you could be what makes him strive for more. Without my wife, I doubt I could be in the position I’m in in life right now and she has always been a stay at home mom… even when we couldn’t even make rent.
This is like a guy saying he’s alpha but not realizing a true alpha doesn’t need to announce or even prove they are alpha. Him identifying himself as high value already makes him not high value. A real high value man would have not even put you down in such a manner. They would have handled that argument with patience and understanding and the end result would be that you’re even more emotionally connected with him because of his maturity. This dude doesn’t sound like that lol. Him being super nice afterwards doesn’t even count. In fact it’s even worse because he doesn’t even recognize just how much his comment hurt you, that’s not connection or care. He’s sweeping your feelings under the rug. High value my ass.
Money and power alone doesn’t make one a high value man. There’s definitely more to it than that.
He might not be a high value man, but at this very moment he brings more value to the relationship than you do. Once your business stabilizes and generates good income, you’ll be on equal footing
No and frankly if this is his POV on life, you need to leave. He will always hold this over you.
Okay so what he values is money and material things.
But see if he dies, and there’s a funeral, I guarantee nobody is going to talk about how many bills he paid or how much money he made. People are only going to talk about how he made them feel.
Make of that what you will. People value different things, based on their perspective.
I personally think he’s a fool. Surely the thing which you value the most is life itself and your ability to make meaningful connections with other people.
No, I would NOT feel secure! Being of value to someone is more than money, looks, or youth. Him saying that there are plenty of women out there is either him trying to manipulate you to do more for him, OR, an admission of how little he cares for you.
So, ask yourself…..Do you only love him for his ability to provide? What if he lost everything tomorrow. If that’s the case then maybe he is right. But I wouldn’t call that a loving or secure relationship on either end. You both would deserve more…Unfortunately people with his mentality rarely find that.
Hopefully you do find love with someone who is mature enough to love you for you.
Why you decided to give up your best career years for cleaning and cooking? That’s a low pay job no one ever appreciates.
Learn from him and stop with chores, work long hours , get back to school but currently it’s time for you to build your independence.
Once you have income and investments no dude will say such nonsense to you and you will have the best thing ever – freedom. There are plenty of of guys with income but only one of you
He told you he is a rare and valuable “high value man” and you are a common-as-dirt non-valuable-type woman while the two of you were arguing, right?
What were you arguing about?
Was he giving you some kind of warning?
Please please consider what a future looks like with someone who considers you “less valuable” than him. I don’t care if he’s a billionaire philanthropist and you work at a gas station – relationships are nothing without mutual respect and admiration.
Oops. His true feelings slipped out. Don’t ignore this.
His wording is red pill. High value is the term red pill men use.
I would piss myself laughing if someone referred to themselves as a ‘high value man’ – what a load of shit.
I see nothing wrong with him saying he’s a high value man, especially if he has a successful business and can foot all your bills without you needing to help out.
The comment towards you though was out of line and not something i would say to my SO.
Just tell him how you feel about it? Idk why you have to ask around on reddit for something like this.
Your boyfriend thinks you are low value, what are you going to do about it?
He considers you replaceable. I think you need to talk about it more. Was he being a dick in the moment or does he genuinely feel like he could replace you easily. I wouldn’t personally stay with someone who thought I was replaceable.
Ew. Immediately unattractive. I could never
Probably? Realistically, some people are more common, some aren’t. If I’m a common type of person, I should accept it rather than be upset.
This just means he consumes mysogynistic podcasts/books/youtube and shares those values. It would be a total turn off for me.