yesterday was my birthday and for all my friends I get them gifts, wish them a happy birthday on time etc. lately I told everyone when it is and what day it is and I even made plans with one of them. she didn’t get me anything – in fact no one did, and only a few people remembered to wish me a happy birthday. for other people, I see them managing to organise something regardless of how busy everyone is.
I’ve been crying all night. all year I was dreaming about it and how many people I’d have but then I look around and there is no one. I dont feel like seeing them anymore. I feel like they knew it’s my birthday and just didnt care enough to message me. I am also upset that I tried so hard to plan something and no one cares and then on top of that they dont even message me. What to do?
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There are some people that are great at giving gifts, and some people that are not. I’m more on your side of that equation. You just have to figure out who those people are and treat them accordingly. It’s not about you specifically. It’s that they don’t care about anyone except themselves.
Look, it’s okay to feel bad because you didn’t receive the same energy. It is a letdown. However, a lot of people don’t remember birthdays or place value on them or even have the resources to do gifts. So I wouldn’t say this is abnormal, and now you know to be more picky about where your energy.
This has happened to me before, it really sucks. Best thing you can do is give yourself some space and see who’s really there for you. They might not be real friends, especially since you reminded them multiple times.
At the same time, as we get older, people care less and less about birthdays. Sometimes people forget things like that, but at the very least my friends always get a happy birthday message, or happy belated birthday the day after if I do forget.
If they reach out to you, I’d be honest and let them know they’ve hurt you and what it would’ve meant If they had remembered your bday.
Ok.. you were “dreaming” about your bday? I’m gonna be brutal here. Grow up. All year? You aren’t a toddler anymore. I understand you’re the type of person who would like a happy bday. Fine. But crying and dreaming about your big day at your age? Sorry. I lost sympathy with the childlike regression. Are you connecting your birthday as some indication of how much people love or care for you? Why was there no one? Did everyone invited to the party you planned not show up or did you have some delusions of grandeur that all your friends would show to worship and shower you with praise and gifts on their own? Please keep in mind I forget my own birthday for REAL and don’t consider them special in the least. I only do it for others when I know it’s something they value. I have to KNOW you give a hoot. Friends thy know ME say.. hey.. I’m celebrating my birthday! My kids even.. I ask.. have anything in mind? I don’t buy gifts for my own children (grown) unless they have something in mind. Your birthday is your responsibility as an adult. Communicate what it means to you.
So you made birthday plans with one friend, and she showed up to celebrate with you. What’s the problem? I wouldn’t expect a gift from a broke college kid
Remembering birthdays as an adult generally comes down to how close people are to the birthday person, how long they’ve known them, how busy everyone’s lives are, and how important they individually view birthdays as. I generally don’t mark birthdays outside my immediate family, and even those I usually have to put a reminder on the calendar to make sure I don’t miss.
There’s really nothing to do here. You can pay attention to how friends act around your birthday, and those that don’t remember it, you can distance yourself from the friendship, but that’s likely to have you losing friends quite frequently as you move into adulthood. You can try to talk to them about your upset, but that’s more than likely going to come across as whining and self-pitying. Honestly, your best bet is to learn to ‘fill your own cup’ – if birthdays are important to you, then make sure that you plan a day for yourself rather than waiting for someone else to do it. Get your own present if there’s something you really want, even wrap it if that’s something special for you. (We did that in my house for Christmas last year and I’d forgotten how much fun it was to tear into something)