I was telling my bf of 2 years that I felt he had no ambition and I was starting to resent him. He was laid off in October and was collecting unemployment and hasn’t found a job even now that he is no longer getting unemployment since it’s been 6 months. He does do mechanic work here and there but not that often. We don’t live together. I have an apt with my 10 year old. Her dad is in her life but does not give me money since he has a cash job. He just buys her shoes or clothes twice a year. Anyways, this is why I feel like I can’t date another bum.
Tbh I’ve felt he was a bum since we started dating, we met at our work but again he was laid off. I think cause he was lazy and called off a lot. I know it’s my fault but I kept telling him no and he was persistent so we dated and I caught feelings. He buys food when we eat out or buys me groceries since he qualified for the ebt card. God, now that I type this out idk what I was thinking.
So I was telling him I no longer wanted to be with him and saw no future with him. He always resorts to playing the victim that why am I always a bitch to him, that he has no family here and it’s just him (like ok?) I told him we would have no relationship if I didn’t have my own place, like what would we do go to his house with his 65 yr old roommate? He said don’t judge him cause we can always go low, I was about to say I’ve had my own place for 7 years when he pulled me by my arm and got on top of me and pinned me down. He was hugging me saying why am I always mean to me and that he loves me. I was sitting on the couch and he was on his knees next to me when this happened. I was so scared. My wrist still hurts. He stood up and was trying to get close again and I kicked him away with my feet, I told him to leave and grabbed my phone that was on the end of the couch. I started crying and yelled at him to leave or I would call the cops. He said he wasn’t going to hurt me, he tried to come near me again and I repeated I would call the police. He said he would go but that I started it and that he didn’t hurt me. When he was getting his shoes on, he said to forgive him that he didn’t mean to scare me. I’ve been crying for hours. This is a side I’ve never seen of him. I honestly never thought he would do anything like that. He was always very patient with me and has a good heart.
But now I’m scared, scared of this 6’2 230 lb man that held me down and I felt so helpless. Scared that I’ve had him around my daughter, he would even bring her food when I was at work. Something her own father doesn’t do. I’m just so lost but I know I will never allow him back in my life, it just hurts. I am just so done with men, the way I hated how defenseless I was and the risk that they can always snap is enough for me to never want them in my life. I was single for 7 years before I met him and I feel single is what I want to stay now. I’m also scared that he isn’t going to stay away, he was always very obsessive any time I would want to break up with him. I’m scared and don’t know what to do.
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For your safety, you need to ghost him.
Read Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft
And the gift of fear by Gavin De Becker.
You are not at all safe around this man.
Well it’s not easy getting a job these days the times are hard also does he have high school diploma? Also sounds like you want his help with your child by another man even if he don’t have a job place him on child support if he don’t pay for his child send him to jail also as far as your boyfriend goes hey help him find a job do application for him or leave him
Block him every possible way. On your phone, on socials. Ask any close friends who he’s mutual with on social media to do the same.
You need to 100% ice him out. Let your child’s school know he’s to have absolutely no contact under any circumstances. None. There’s no such thing as being too paranoid. She’s your daughter.
If there’s any chance he has a key, change your locks.
Change all of your passwords.
Make sure he doesn’t have your location shared.
If he shows up, DO NOT LET HIM IN, no matter what he says.