I started dating my GF around a year and half ago and it has been a long distance since then. We’re an international couple while having different nationality. We had our fair share of fights due to distance but never broke up and always made up real quick, she always tells me to move cities which is not logical at least for 2 years.
We share a good physical relation when we meet and we meet atleast once a month either I’ll travel or she’ll.
She was a virgin when we started dating and I’m her only partner while I have had 2 partners in the past. So recently the distance has gone to her head completely and she asked me to take break and date someone else to form certain physical relation only to come back together when we move in the same city in some year. According to her it’s not fair for her to just have one partner while I had 2 in the past.
I have always been loyal to her and will be loyal even in the future but since she has started talking about this, it has been bothering me and I’ve started to wonder is it really worth moving forward from this point. Even if she doesn’t get to have sex with someone else with my permission, there’s a high possibility that she might do it even without telling me.
(She hates to have random sex and only have sex with someone who has taken a std test, she made me do the same thing)
I was planning to get married to her as I feel she was the right person for me but now I just don’t know what to do next, help me with my next steps.
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Break up with her and never look back
Break up with her. if shes having these thoughts 18 months into a relationship what makes you think this is gonna last more than a few years? her having that mindset is a huge red flag and you need to get out
My friend, you are 100% the sidepiece already
If she can’t make peace with staying explicitly monogamous with you and insists on “evening the body count”, you’d be within your right to break up. If anything, her wanting experiences with other sexual partners is indicative that she doesn’t feel the same about the relationship as you do.
This doesn’t add up. Say she meets someone and bangs them for a year. Then she’s suddenly going to dump them when you move to the same city? Doubtful.
You don’t trust her. Don’t get married to her.
My wife was a virgin at ~30 (I was her first depending on her definition of it). She doesn’t like it, but gets that it’s either monogamy or she gets to test the greenness of the grass single.
If you wouldn’t be surprised if someone would cheat on you, don’t marry them.
Former 4year LDR gal here, we broke up.
Break up. Don’t trust your partner. Sure, you can think that you communicate and it’s good that she expressed her needs to even it out, but the reason behind it is just pure bul#shit. She just looks for a pass to cheat on you freely, because the grass she has there is more accessible, not necessarily greener.
Don’t worry, she will regret it afterwards, but whatever you do or tell her now, she will do it nonetheless. Not regarding your opinion, with or without your pass.
Save your heartbreak and avoid LDRs in the future. Good luck!
A virgin saying that?? Nah i think she was lying to you the whole time. There’s plenty of women that will lie about their purity. No virgin woman moves this way, it is extremely rare. Ive had my experiences and from different cultures. Something isn’t adding up imo
She will always feel she has missed something and wonder what it would have been like. This will not ever go away. I have always said that two people should not be in long term commited relationships until mid twenties or later. You have to have enough experience and dated enough people to figure out what kind of person will make a good long term partner. How will you judge? How does one make a choice? From my observation of life most people do not marry their first love. Could this work for you? I would say yes, but a would not vote in your favor. She is young and wants to experience life and have a choice. Not a fan of body counts! But want people experienced enough to choose who they want to marry. Good to be chosen over all others.
It’s over
If she’s doing this because of fairness, that’s ridiculous. Sex isn’t about who gets the same amount of chips, like you’re kids.
You had a different path than she did, and she had plenty of time to have sex before you came along. She didn’t. She doesn’t get to cheat now to “make up for it” and “be fair”.
This would absolutely be break up worthy for me.
Time to break up,
Break up. That’s my advice
She’s too inexperienced to get married right now, and you are too inexperienced to realize that you are also too inexperienced to move forward with marriage under these uncertain circumstances.
She told you explicitly she wants to go experience life and yes have sex with other people. Take her at her word, and break up with her. You don’t have to agree to get together again at all when you’re back in the same city. You can say hey we’ll wait until then and decide, leaving you free to pursue your life. I suggest you go do that.
When someone is this direct about what they want, if you don’t let them go, you’re either keeping them from their true desire against their will by not letting them have it, or they are stuffing their wishes, and will end up resentful, in order to be with you. Neither of those is a good and stable partnership at the point of marriage.
Break up, for good. You’re absolutely right that she will eventually stray, regardless of you knowing or not. The fact that she even looks at other men in a lustful way is a huge red flag. It’s hard when you find someone you want to marry, but would your future wife really ask you to let her sleep with other men?
I would break up. Here is why. Open relationships will kill the special relationship and end it anyway. Just slowly with a lot more pain. You ending it allows her to move on and have sex, and takes you out of waiting or hoping she chooses you…I am so sorry this is happening, but there is no way for her to have sex with others and you to hope it works out.
Guide yourself the fuck outta there
This relationship has run its course. Move on so you don’t waste your time.
Like others said – move on. You will only hurt yourself in the long run. Wish her well and let her know you won’t be there for her as she is choosing this and you have to choose yourself.
Don’t be an idiot. You know what you need to do
Break = Breakup. She has already checked out but wants you in the wings in case the grass isn’t greener. Cut this one loose, you deserve better.
End it. She’s not ready for marriage. She’s telling you she’s going to have sex with other people. I’m sorry.
Maybe someday your paths will cross again and you’ll get back together, or maybe this is the end.
Break up. She aint it boss
Bail out. She’s already found your replacement.
Educate yourself on hypergamy and read the story about, The Husband Store. You’ve been warned.
Break up. She’s not the one.
If she thought you were the right guy, she wouldn’t even be entertaining this question.
Her argument is nonsensical, in additional to being utterly selfish. Please do not entertain it. The reality of it all is that you are no longer enough for her. Tell your (ex)gf she’s now free to have sex with all the people she wants. When she asks why, tell her it’s because your relationship with her is over.
A new perspective from normal.
Monogamy is not what it’s cracked up to be. Perhaps exploring other options is the answer. In the context of changing social norms and a deeper understanding of human desire, married individuals should maybe feel empowered—with transparency and consent—to explore sex with new partners as a source of personal growth, excitement, and fulfillment.
Biologically and psychologically, humans are not hardwired for strict lifelong sexual monogamy. Studies in evolutionary psychology and anthropology (e.g., from Helen Fisher and Christopher Ryan) suggest that varied sexual partners may have once been the norm. Expecting a single partner to fulfill all sexual and emotional needs over decades is often unrealistic and can lead to resentment, boredom, or dissatisfaction and is quite frankly an absurd concept.
Newness in sex activates dopamine and reward systems in the brain—the same pathways that drive motivation and joy. Exploring new sexual experiences can reignite passion, creativity, and confidence, which can even enhance the original marriage if done ethically. This is the foundation behind many successful open or ethically non-monogamous relationships.
Sexual exclusivity has long been conflated with moral superiority, but this is a social construct—not an ethical absolute. What truly matters ethically is consent, honesty, and mutual respect, not sexual exclusivity. If both partners understand and agree that outside sexual experiences are permissible, there’s no betrayal—only expanded expression.
What is wrong with enjoying other people on a sexual level anyways? Society has labeled this as taboo, wrong, deplorable, and betraying behavious, yet, everyone fantasizes about sex with others and the extreme excitement that accompanies it. What if we just looked at it as enjoying our body to the fullest and removed the stigmatism that comes with it? When people are free to act on these unbelievably strong physical urges, and even encouraged, relationships might even benefit and bloom from the fulfillment and happiness achieved of their partners. After all, don’t we want our partners to have a rich rewarding life?
Research from the Kinsey Institute and others suggests that people in open relationships often report levels of satisfaction equal to or greater than those in monogamous ones. These relationships are often built on stronger communication and intentionality.
What if societies did not regard cheating as a sin?
When sexual “cheating” occurs, it’s often a symptom of unmet needs or emotional neglect. Instead of demonizing it outright, society might benefit from understanding what it reveals: a desire for renewal, excitement, or connection. In some cases, this exploration can lead to a reawakening of the self—ultimately benefiting both individuals if processed constructively.
Maybe we should just encourage sexual freedom and enjoy our bodies to the max, rather then repress hheee enormous desires.
While betrayal and deceit are never justifiable, the underlying desire for new sexual experiences is deeply human. Rather than rigidly enforcing monogamy as a one-size-fits-all model, society should encourage couples to discuss, explore, and potentially embrace consensual sexual freedom—even in marriage. This doesn’t weaken the relationship—it can evolve and enrich it.
Find out what she’s missing and give it to her in such a way that she is so pleased she could not imagine someone else. That means giving her big orgasms. Use your tongue on her clit, finger her g-spot, use a vibrator. Study up on this and trust me she will be very happy with you.
First “she hates to have random sex & only have sex w someone who has been tested”. Umm how would she know?? I’m not saying it’s not smart, it is, but if you are the only person she’s ever been with, doesn’t make sense to say that. It honestly sounds like she’s alrdy liking someone else. But in my opinion, it’s over. No matter how you view it. She wants to sleep w other ppl. I think ppl should have at least one other relationship to at least compare/explore your likes/dislikes, boundaries & how there are different levels of love/like. But if you are already in a relationship, asking permission to sleep around- how do you get over that? Even just that they had the audacity to ask!!
She not ready for a lifelong commitment to 1 person.
She’s asking for permission for you both to try and find someone better, if neither of you do, you’ll reconnect in a year.
It’s because of her inexperience that she has this perspective and it’s because of your experience, you know that she’s the one you want to commit to.
Time to break up. She can sleep with whoever she wants to then.
But what is with all the reddit posts recently about partners being upset about others body counts/experience. Either explore or don’t while single. But don’t get into a relationship and lead someone one for years only to want sleep with someone else for the “experience”.
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Sounds like a break up it’s in your future whether you agree or not. Ask her who she has in mind for number two as I would guess someone already occupies this position or else she would not be asking