I snooped in my GF’s phone and read her group chat with her friends and found out she might have cheated on me. My GF went on a 2-day trip for her friend’s wedding back in December. From the information that I gathered, during the trip, she told everyone she was single and she admitted to her friends that she has a crush on one of the groomsmen there. She said things like: what color he was wearing so she can match it, getting sad when he had to leave early, getting him drunk so he had to stay, want to spend time with him, he must be very handsome in a suit, etc.
Her friends all supported her to get with him and and even facilitated it. They joked about things like: forgetting that I’m the BF and mistaking him for her BF, saying she is his bride, etc. It sounded bad but maybe they were just shit talking, I don’t know.
They even organized another trip for all the groomsmen and bridesmaid where they meet again. It is not likely that any things physical happened as there are a lot of people there but I’m not 100% sure.
I am conflicted on how to proceed here. If I confront her directly, I have to reveal that I snoop in her phone behind her back. I have the guy’s social media, I can message him directly to ask about this man to man but I don’t know how much success I will have.
Thank you for reading. Any advices appreciated.
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If you have a gut feeling about it, go with it.
Do not message the guy. Admit to looking in her phone and have her explain herself if you think there could be an innocent explanation.
Personally I would have immediately addressed it and probably ended the relationship. She disrespected you to her friends, even if she didn’t cheat. You can tell alot about a person by how they talk to their friends. You got a glimpse of what she really feels about this relationship. What reason do you have to trust her anymore?
Get an STD test and make a plan.
This is what I would do. Confrontation is unnecessary; if this is how she talks about her lover behind his back then ask yourself is that the person you wanna be with? Then follow this easy step process, just block her if you two don’t live together. If you two do live together then quietly get your things together when she won’t notice it. And just disappear making sure you sort yourself out financially and block her. The less time she has to prepare the better of a position you will be in to cut that woman off from your life. I’m not just saying that either, most of the people here are teenage virgins who think they know everything and just tell everyone when they have the slightest problem in a relationship to leave the other person etc. just follow my advice and you’ll be happier with another woman 6 months down the line.
“She has a crush on one of the groomsmen” You don’t need us to tell you what to do chief. You already know. Sorry buddy.
Nothing do nothing but walk away. Simple
I’m afraid she and her friends have made you a cuckold (look it up). There’s no other way to put it: Their actions supporting her are a humiliation. Do you really want to be around her or her friends ever again?
See what she says when you say that you read the chat. Watch her body language, tone of voice, what she says. Is she sweating, face go red or white?
Don’t tell her what you know. Just that you read the chat and ask if she has anything she’d like to say
Even if she didn’t cheat, it sure sounds like she wanted to. And she definitely disrespected you.
Even if she didn’t actually fuck the guy everything els she said and did is more than enough to leave immediately.
Brother dump her, she dont even like you
She isn’t the one.
I mean c’mon. Do you really need to ask what to do?
My guy, she can pss right off if she dares to get angry. After all, who cares how upset she is, considering you’re going to end it with her*. You do not need to be with this person.
From the way she was talking I’d be tempted to be a bit petty and message her saying that you hoped that she enjoyed her time with his name while he was in his suit at the wedding and then block her.
It sounds like this isn’t the first time you’ve snooped through her phone. You didn’t even start with the standard feeling that something was off, and you felt compelled to.
You already don’t trust her- you saw what you needed to. Just end it, and don’t stay a snooper in the next relationship.
This is not how I would treat someone I love. This is not how I’d want to be treated. Whether or not anything additional happened, I’d be done
Just leave and have her guessing why. A gf doesn’t talk or act like that even with her best friends if she seriously loved and respected the relationship.
It doesn’t matter, you think she did and therefore you can’t trust her- no trust means no relationship
Just curious, why were you looking in her phone to begin with?
When there is a doubt, there is no doubt. When she goes to this sorta thing and tells everyone she is single, she has an ulterior motive in mind. You can confront her and admit you looked at her phone. Tell her she must be psychic bc now, she WILL BE single. She has no sense of loyalty to you so do you really need a partner like that?
Listen she may not have cheated, but she intended to AND she even tried to get him drunk so he would have to stay, so she could fck him. SO, just because she didn’t, it wasn’t for a lack of trying. And you know what they say, its the thought that counts.
She intended on cheating and thats what’s important. She wanted to and tried to so you should do the same thing you would have done if you did have proof that she did.
I would go scorched earth.
You have learned that she has no problem with cheating. Even if she didn’t this time she feels sleeping with other men, she thinks look good, while in a committed relationship is a good plan if she can get away with it.
Are you sure the second trip actually included all the bridesmaids and groomsmen instead of just one groomsman?
Breakup.
“Girl trips are fine” they say. “Stop being insecure” they say.
Do you know anyone else from the wedding? If so, say you got an email that she was acting weird and was told to ask about the group chat. Ask to see it and see what her reaction is.
It sounds dumb, but admitting to looking on her phone will flip the argument and she’ll delete it.
Don’t tell her you read the chat instead Tell her that you were informed about this, look at her facial patterns body language, listen carefully at what she says etc. but don’t tell her what you do know, she’ll think someone in her friends group snitched and this will brew beans of distrust in the friends group.
If she doesn’t come clean then plan B would be to message the groomsman. Good luck my dude
I wouldn’t tell her you snooped at first, I’d just tell her you found out thru the grape vine. Tell her some of what you know and see how she reacts. If she balks tell her you know everything and offer one more detail and see if she admits. If she really did this there’s no coming back because your girl is not a very good person and neither are her friends who encouraged her.
UpdateMe
Show up at the gathering.
That is also cheating. You know what to do, we don’t have to tell you. Just break up with her.
I think you’ve already seen enough to end the relationship. But if you really wanna know, go ahead and ask her.
What she was saying in that group is a far bigger breach of trust than snooping on her phone.
I don’t think snooping is generally a good idea, but sometimes you have to trust your gut. Seems like you were right.
And for the record, it’s more than likely that something physical happened. Don’t talk yourself into believing otherwise. It’ll just make it even harder when you find out what really happened.
I don’t think it matters if she finds out you went through her phone. Her intentions are clear. I would tell her straight to her face that she’s not worth my time and energy. Anyway, with the circle of friends she has, I don’t see a very good future for her.