I work 40 hours per week, and I keep a super clean and tidy home for us. I go to reformer pilates twice a week, as well as walk our dogs, jog, and the occasional road bike. If I ever have a sleep in, or a ‘lazy day’, I can feel the tension from my partner and he keeps asking me if I want to come for some fresh air or if I want to do specific things. For example: Today I was pretty under the weather with a bit of a temp, sore ears and I’ve almost lost my voice. I had a sleep in, and have relaxed on the couch and did some planning for my friends Bachelorette party. My partner has been indifferent and snappy at me all day, and I asked if I want to go for a walk on the neighbouring farm (in the cold and rain).
I used to be a lot more active, training for triathlon etc, but due to a recent MCL and meniscus injury I’ve had to slow down a bit.
Growing up I always got in trouble for any time of rest or sleep in, so I’ve just recently learnt to listen to my body when I need to relax. Especially since I’ve even been rencently going through some significant medical testing due to syncope, fainting episodes and chronic pain (actually lost my drivers licence for 6 months because of it).
He’s very active with sport, hobbies and even his career. He never stops. Quite often going to bed at 730-830PM every night as he crashes.
It’s just making me start to feel like shit, and a bad person for taking some slow days. I even feel like he is really unattracted to me on the days that I choose to rest. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he just kind of denies it and gets angry.
Anyways, not sure how to get through to him that sometimes it’s just okay to breathe.
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Have you said any of this to him? If so, what was his response?
I would recommend a good couples counselor. It sounds like he’s having a hard time understanding that your needs are yours and his needs need to be his. There also seems to be a communication gap there that a counselor can help the two of you bridge.
He sounds like a nightmare to live with. Why do you tolerate this? You’re sick. You’re supposed to be resting. What is his problem?