Obvious burner account. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months and it was genuinely love at first sight. Both of us have been in long term relationships before, but nothing we’ve experienced has ever come close to what we share.
He and his family are incredibly rich. There is no other way to put it. Main reason being, his mom is a celebrity who is very active in the media and with frequent touring and such. I knew who she was when he told me that was literally his mother and then of course the first time I went to visit his family, I played it really cool. She was so kind and genuine. Giant beach house filled with luxurious items aside, it felt like any other warm and welcoming moment meeting your partner’s mom.
He and his family have spoiled me rotten. At least it feels that way. Anything I could ever ask for and more is basically given to me on a whim. It’s a little overwhelming if I’m being honest, but I’m trying to find a good balance between appreciative and keeping my cool. I don’t want to seem like some kind of basket case, but they are aware that I grew up completely differently. I mean… divorced parents, life on food stamps, childhood house evictions, have lived in a low-income area my whole life etc.
Just as an example of how insane all of this is.. my boyfriend and I had mentioned the idea of moving in together over dinner with them one night. His parents were thrilled with the idea and we had a long talk about what that would entail and such… in which they ended the conversation offering to BUY our FIRST HOUSE for us. None of my immediate family members have even ever owned a home, much less MULTIPLE.
This relationship and his family’s support have been amazing, but I can’t help but feel guilty. My own family is starting to catch on to the things I’ve been going out for and the gifts I’ve been receiving and it’s just so beyond the norm for any of us that I feel such a sinking feeling of guilt. They have met my boyfriend, but we haven’t told them who his mom is yet.
Can a relationship between two people of such vastly different backgrounds work in the long term? I’m worried about the prospect of stress for us in the future. For example, something that comes to mind is like… stress for me is when I was walking home from high school to find a foreclosure notice on my mother’s door. Stress for him is like… realizing he paid his credit card a day late. I know money doesn’t fix everything, but growing up poor it really takes a chokehold on your life and your loved ones. I just can’t stop thinking about it. If you have any similar experiences or stories to share, please do. I’ve kept this pretty quiet in my personal life and haven’t talked to many people about it because of how absurd it all is. Thank you so much!
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Probably not if you can’t learn about the differences in class structure. Does he accept you for who you are and where you are financially? Are you interested in your own career and becoming your own person or will being your own person not be accepted?
It doesn’t sound like the relationship itself is bad, but your financial insecurities and feeling obligated to keep your family feeling comfortable are making you questioning it.
Have you been to therapy? Eviction from a home says a lot about what you’ve been through and processing these feelings could be a good thing for you to understand if bridging the gap between where you’ve been and where he is currently will work.
I would be concerned about the purchase of the house. Moving in together is already something that will require a lot of communication, adding home ownership to that conversation will complicate things a bit. Well, more than a bit.
I was in a relationship like this once, though not quite as extreme. The biggest problem I had was setting boundaries around my own financial independence. I was unwilling to give that up, but “taking care of me” was a priority for her.
Just because his parents have money doesn’t mean he hasn’t had stress in his life. Maybe not the same stress about money as you’ve had, but maybe he’s had stress trying to live up to their expectations, or following in their footsteps, or people using him for his mom’s celebrity status. You’ve been together six months. Surely you’ve run into some stressful situations. How did that go? If he treats you well and you are happy and on the same page with the relationship then I wouldn’t overthink it.
You’re gonna torpedo the relationship if you don’t respectfully, get a grip. You’re invalidating his experiences because of differences in socio economic status. Do you have a therapist you can talk to about this?