I’m 28m and my dad prioritized work when I was young. My parents were also divorced so we hardly saw him. Now that I’m an adult he still works a lot and has a second family that he inherited from his relationship with his partner.
I guess I would describe my relationship with my dad as secondary.
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I’m 28m and my dad prioritized work when I was young. My parents were also divorced so we hardly saw him. Now that I’m an adult he still works a lot and has a second family that he inherited from his relationship with his partner.
I guess I would describe my relationship with my dad as secondary.
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Fine, I guess. I see him once a year. We don’t argue.
He’s dead. Rest in piss
Good but he’s always trying to “toughen me up” with creative discipline.
Difficult. We don’t see eye to eye on anything really. He put me under a lot of pressure as a kid, which has led to all sorts of difficulties in adulthood. We get on fairly ok but we don’t have a loving, fun or close relationship.
A lot of men have daddy issues. One of many reasons is the absence of their father in childhood due to work and stress. A long time ago, boys spent much more time with their dads growing up. This is why paternity leave is so important and also that fathers understand the importance of being present when they are at home.
What’s a dad!
Pretty good. I visit him and my mother once a month.
Well, he’s been dead for a decade, and it wasn’t much better before that. I could, and have, written small novels about it, but the short version is that he was a narcissistic asshole that emotionally abused my mother and neglected me, so the fallout from all his actions ruined her life then and my life now. I have only gotten angrier and more hateful of the man as I’ve gotten older and I sincerely wish with every fiber of my being my mom had left him almost immediately, then I’d never have been born and everyone would be much, much happier with their lives. Fuck that dude.
Other than that, it’s fine I guess.
He was an asshole, he died, I didn’t cry, I hardly think of him at all now.
Most of what he taught me was by example of what NOT to do.
A lot of parental alienation happened in my case, but it’s not to say my dad was the greatest. Today he looks at me and gets emotional, when I bought a home or got married or had a kid. But that’s it. I don’t talk, he doesn’t talk, we just silently agree our lives are poles apart.
Pretty good. He raised me well and welcomed me with open arms when I came out as gay
Really good. He had a difficult childhood and so was determined his kids wouldn’t experience what he did. Very present, open with his mistakes & emotions. We speak every week and I try to go and see my parents (they’re still together) every few months. Hugging my dad is one of my favourite things.
My dad is easily my best friend. He raised me well, and provided what was needed. We don’t see eye to eye in things but I laugh harder with him than anyone else. I have gathered great characteristics from him and also witnessed things I didn’t want to be. I couldn’t have asked for anything different.
Pretty fantastic. We argued a lot as I hit my later teens, but after I moved out we got along like we used to again. We just disagreed on too much stuff, religion and politics etc. I always look to him though when I need to bounce ideas off of someone cause I know that he’ll always give me honesty.
I never appreciated half of what he did for me and sacrificed for me until I became a Dad myself. He’s passed a long time now and I’d love to be able to tell him that I understand now, I miss him and I love him.
I can relate to this. My dad also worked a lot when I was younger, but over time, I realized that love and effort don’t always come packaged the way we expect. For some parents, providing through work is how they express care, even if it doesn’t feel like presence in the moment.
What I’ve learned is that relationships with our parents aren’t fixed; they can evolve. You don’t have to resign yourself to being “secondary.” Sometimes it helps to meet them where they are, have honest conversations, invite them into small parts of your life, or just create moments that feel authentic instead of waiting for some big change.
It may never look like the picture-perfect bond, but you can still build a version that feels meaningful to you. And at the same time, it’s okay to acknowledge what was missing and create that closeness in other areas of your life.
Almost non existent. As a young adult now with no other male family role models, it’s fucked me up tbh
Arms length. He’s so narcissisticly delusional though that he thinks we’re “A-OK”
It’s complex. On one hand I swore to never to be like him. Breaking mom’s heart constantly, lying to her. Growing up he was hard on me and would beat me. It only stopped when one day I stood up to him and he realised physical I was bigger now. He also would prioritise other people before us which I really resented.
On the other hand, he gave me a platform for me to build off. He ran a small business that provided more than what we could have otherwise. I had the privilege of working with him and saw what hard work was like. I hated every moment but reflecting back I know where my work ethic comes from.
He is old and frail now and I think the older I get I’ve learned to forgive his shortcomings because I know my own. I know that he wishes he could have done somethings differently if he had his time again. While there is a part of me that wants to prioritise everyone else and give him leftovers, I know that he would go to the next life with fear, loneliness and regret.
He gave life to me, raised me as best as he could given his circumstances and now I see what he had to give up for my sake. There is a part of me that can’t do that to a man who I share too much with. I don’t want to be that guy who stands at his dad’s grave for hours on end wishing I did things differently.
Better than it has been, still totally dysfunctional. He was so excited when I got my most recent promotion that he called him in the dead of night to tell him about it.
49 year old male here. My mom died without ever being able to tell me who my biological father was. I had a stepfather that raised me, for better or worse, but that is for another discussion. Not knowing my biological father (or anything about him – good, bad, indifferent) has cause me, personally, an enormous amount or pain that took years of therapy to deal with. I’m ok, but it’s the not knowing that hurts the most. And not necessarily the relationship I could have had with him but also wondering what his health was like, his career, things he was good at, hobbies, etc. I would have given everything to know these things. I don’t even know his name.
Yes, I’ve tried 23 & me and ancestry.com – nothing.
Never really formed one. Watched him walk out when he left. A few months ago he told my mom that he never left me, he just left…I already had no love for him but holy shit.
I never felt comfortable around him. I found a little bit about how he was before I was born and seen him strike my sister when I was a kid. I’m good on him.
Complicated; haven’t talked in a couple years. I cannot get past many things. My therapist told me love is a verb, but sometimes that’s best expressed at a distance; and so it goes. Working hard myself to be the kind of dad my daughter deserves and needs, and not the example I was provided.
Camp with him almost every weekend.
Good dude.
I was blessed to have a wonderful father. He was a kind man who helped others quietly and often while asking nothing in return.
He’s been gone for over 3 years and I still feel the void that his passing created.
His final years were challenging. He was always a “go getter”, as they say. He fell just before the pandemic and broke his hip. I became his caregiver (mom’s too, but she was still mostly functional at the time). They lived in my house with me, and I looked after him. Ended up needing to feed him through a tube for the last two years of his life, but that scrappy old man healed from the broken hip and went back to work at his company.
Up until 6 months before he passed, he was still working. Then, it all kinda caught up with him. He just sorta, broke? He was fine one day. Went to his place of business and came home. Then, the next day, he was totally confused and didn’t remember really anything except mom and I, and he was fuzzy on that. He kept insisting he was going to work, but we took his keys and had him sit down and called a doctor. Probably a small stroke happened overnight, but we never got a definitive diagnosis. He was okay one day, then just wasn’t anymore. The dementia and the poorly reformed hip and all his other issues just culminated in a shell of who he once was.
So, that final six months was rough. He knew how to talk still, but that was about it. Couldn’t get up alone, couldn’t do much of anything other than sit there and watch TV with mom.
I miss him every day.
My dad was violent and abusive and has been out of my life since my 7th birthday. Sometimes I wish things had been different. I hope that I play a different role in my kids lives.
Total “Cats in the cradle” situation for me and my dad. We didn’t speak for years, but we reconnected a few years ago. He passed a few months ago and I’m grateful to have gotten that time.
Love him so much! He’s my best friend and role model. Guess I was lucky.
My dad and I have a great relationship. We are a close knit family, I have 7 siblings and we have remained close due to the hard work both of my parents did to teach us that at the end of the day, family is all we have.
I look up to my father. He is the toughest, kindest, most understanding man I know. He raised us to be good people, he has been there for me before I’d even ask. I talk to him daily, usually just to say hey or to shoot the breeze about sports or current events. Every phone call always ends with I love you son and I love you dad. And yes as a 61 year old man, I still need my dad.