Ok so here’s the story.
Every year I try to get away on holiday with my university friends, we managed this year to find time for a week break.
My partner sometimes has a hard time with this but he’s been invited multiple times but doesn’t want to go as we like to sightsee and not just sit by pools and he doesn’t make me feel bad before going by saying the dog will miss me and he can’t look after him the way I can which then makes me feel guilty.
I was sorting my plans out this week and was looking for my passport which is always stored in two places, my shelf or the draw we keep important documents in.
For some reason it vanished, we spent two days tipping the house upside down to find it.
We couldn’t, so I spoke with my friends and said I’d have to cancel this year as my passports gone missing.
My partner seemed like he was upset for me(although did look like he was trying to stifle a grin)and I took it as it is what it is and no point in getting upset about it.
So the next day my sisters and mum come over and try to look with me again as I knew I hadn’t lost it and I have seen it a month before.
When I say we looked, I mean we looked. Everything was sorted through and even places my passport couldn’t have got to was searched.
I gave up and told my friends to cancel my ticket.
I go out with the family for tea and all of a sudden my partner calls and says he’s found my passport inside a book…a book may I add that I had search inside of myself and it wasn’t just tucked away at the back of the cupboard but at the front in full view.
He’s had some past history of being controlling and I’ve heard stories from people who knew his exes that he’s a little controlling. I don’t want to believe he would hide my passport and then last minute pretend to find it but my friends and family believe that’s the case and that is seems to convenient to just appear.
What’s everyone’s thoughts?
Comments
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Believe your friends and family. You know you looked in that book, and it wasn’t there. He lied about it. Bin the man and get your freedom back.
I think you know yourself – regardless of whether he did or didn’t hide it if he has a past of controlling behaviour that seems like a bit of a red flag.
Hope you are ok and it’s really disappointing for you to have had to cancel your trip x
This is terrifying. Get out.
This is controlling behaviour your passport “magically” reappearing after you canceled your trip is highly suspicious. Trust your gut and confront him firmly. If he gaslights you, have good thought to your self reconsider this relationship.
If it isn’t too late to resurrect the trip now your passport has been found, use the time to move out or, alternatively, kick him out.
You KNOW what he has done, albeit you may not want to face up to that. You need to leave this *sshole in your rear view mirror: He must not form any part of your future!
Good luck, I fear you’ll need it.
If you’re going to stay with him after, you’re going to need to press charges the next time he does anything like this again.
Ditch the manipulative controlling partner and find someone that isn’t so insecure.
You are too old for this shit.
that’s crazy that he guilt trips you about the dog while you’re away! that’s really controlling
You know he hid your passport. It’s time to get away from him. This is just the beginning of what will become a terror campaign. Controlling people don’t change their behavior.
You need to ditch the boyfriend. You can do better. You seem to be aware of his controlling nature but choose to be with him.
You already know he hid it op. This is what people talk about when they say take of the “rose colored glasses.” You know but you feel so much “love” for him you don’t really want to admit it.
If this happened at my house, it wouldn’t even cross my mind that my partner hid something. I would assume I just missed it.
The fact that it seems like a legitimate possibility to you due to many other behaviors? Well then I wonder why are you with the guy? Stop looking at each incident as “stand alone” with a perfectly reasonable explanation and gather them together and look at the pattern.
And seriously…who puts their passport in a book? I’ve misplaced my passport—it lives in my travel bag. I have unloaded my travel bag to use for hiking and left my passport on my desk and had it mixed up with mail. I have put it in my car to remember to have it for renewing Clear ID. But in a book? I’m not just sitting down reading a book and grabbing my passport for a book mark and neither did you.
updateme
Girlfriend RUN! He did it on purpose and you know it. You are just looking for others to tell you that. Here’s your sign. Get out now before he hurts you for real.
Keep it in a safe now that he can’t access
Are you that scared of being alone that you put up with this behavior? He doesn’t really love you, he loves that he can control you.
Wow
Yeah if you are certain that you didn’t do that, then for sure he needs to go.
I’m so sorry you missed your trip with your friends
Believe your own memory
‘thank goodness they didn’t cancel the trip yet!’ and see how long it takes for him to hide it again.
You need to get out. Start planning so he doesn’t know in case his abuse escalates.
If you’re happy being controlled by your partner don’t bother doing anything and delete this post.
You already know he has a history of this, you know what he did and you’re 36 you’re old enough to know better. Time to take some accountability for your choice in this situation, because you’re choosing to be with this person you’ve chosen to stay. You know his history of being controlling but don’t want to believe it, so it’s better to ignore it and accept that your passport/keys/tickets will go missing anytime you plan something he doesn’t approve of.
You know he did it on purpose. It’s time for one of you to go.
Also, make sure you bill him for any money lost.
That’s just awful ! Obviously , He’s not to be trusted! Living with someone like that will wear you out!!! Constantly wondering if he’s scheming something! .
Call him and explain that your friends hadn’t canceled your trip yet so you can still go! Explain how excited you are that you don’t have to miss the trip. Pay attention to his response. You’ll know if he purposely hid it. Well, you already know but his response will confirm it.
He hid it. He. Hid. It. And you know it. I know it’s hard to accept but do it and move on
You both are way too grown to be acting like this. He most likely took and hid your passport which is a massive red flag. If a man cannot trust his partner at 37 then he needs to be single and go to therapy. Being with someone controlling in your LATE 30s is just foolish. Don’t you think you deserve a healthy relationship with someone who trusts you and is happy for you to have vacations with your friends?
He definitely hid it. Gtf outta there. ASAP.
Did you know it’s illegal to hide someone’s passport? Run.
Yeah. Make sure you lock up all your documents in a safe place that you only have access to. This sounds sketchy af.
Run and never look back
I would’ve told him I cancelled the ticket without actually doing so, then see if it turned up. Now that you know, you can either dump him (what I would do), or never leave my passport somewhere he can access it. I’d keep it with trusted family member of safety deposit box. Good luck.
What the actual fuck. Yeah he hid it. He has issues and you need to leave him behind. This behavior is not ok.
Yeah, this is not good! You need to get him out of your life period. There is a trust issue that will never be resolved
He pretty obviously did it. This is why we leave at a whiff of jealous, controlling, guilt tripping behavior. It’s always a problem.
Secure your important documents and leave that controlling POS or kick him to the curb. Do whatever it takes but get rid of him.
Don’t dismiss this feeling.
My ex did something similar with a ring. In Dec 2004 I took a special ring off to wash dishes and it disappeared. He swore up and down that my own mother must have taken it. Always saying things like, “You know your mother, taking stuff to put away.”
I went away on vacation with a friend in Dec 2019. I come back and go looking for a shirt in my closet. I find a little tiny baggie with the ring between folded shirts. We had moved 4 times in the 15 years, and I hadn’t spoken to my mother in 3 years at that point.
He did this in smaller scales throughout our relationships, including taking money and I wouldn’t find out for years. It’s controlling and abusive.
Don’t gaslight yourself. He’s lying. The controlling behavior will get worse and probably more sneaky.
I have two dogs (and a needy cat). One of my dogs is a 12 year old whose blind with diabetes. She requires a shot twice a day of insulin. (12 hours apart) I’m the one who always does the medicine and pretty much always feed them. He will feed them every once in a while. I’m also mostly the one who lets them out but he will let them out. They just always come to me first and annoy me. I can tell my husband on a Friday I’m going up north to my parents for the weekend. He doesn’t care. He never guilts me into feeling bad that now he has to take care of them. And they want to go out all the time. (My other dog is deaf so you can’t just call her in you either have to get her attention and hope she comes in or wait for her to want to come in 🤣) I’m able to get away a decent amount. My husband hasn’t spend a night away since we’ve been married. We’re both home bodies but I can stay out late with friends or go away multiple weekends or vacations with friends and he never makes me feel bad about having to do all the dog stuff. He knows they’re his dogs too. I would never be with someone who makes me feel bad about being away for a little bit to hang with friends.