Some background on us; we’ve been together for 6 months, known each other for 9 years. So a pretty solid foundation of friendship between us. However we live in different states so we see each for weeks at a time.
Anyways, my boyfriend basically wets the bed every time he drinks. Every. Time. Last time this happened he had the decency to wake me up and take me to sleep with him in the living room. Today, nope, he left to the restroom and never came back, that’s when I noticed a huge damp spot on the bed where he was. Went to go check on him and he’s out cold on the living room couch. Like what the. I don’t drink much, at most 2 drinks if I do, so I never get buzzed or anything like he does.
It’s just annoying and frustrating, like is drinking really worth having to go through this for you?…
He drinks A LOT. Not often though, just like once out of the time we are together. His friend told me since we got together he hasn’t been drinking often anymore like he used to, therefore he doesn’t know his limits. Idk, it’s just annoying and honestly kinda gross, because last time he literally pissed all over my leg.
How do I bring up my frustration without coming off as inconsiderate or something, I just don’t want to be mean because I’m aware this isn’t a BIG issue, but it does bother me a lot.
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You don’t think this is a BIG issue?? What do you consider a big issue if your alcoholic boyfriend pissing the bed every night isn’t a big issue. Is this the kind of guy you dreamed of being with? Of course he knows his limits because he routinely passes them. You need to insist that he STOP drinking and that he see a doctor.
Girl it IS a huge issue, he’s literally PEEING on you. Talk to him about it seriously because honestly that’s unacceptable for him to expect you to just deal with that. If he knows he does that, he either shouldn’t drink at all or cap himself after 2 drinks. He doesn’t respect you enough to not put you through that and I’d personally say to break up with him because like why would you put someone you love through that? It does sound like you want this to work so honestly talk to him and if he doesn’t change or reacts badly break it off. On top of that is he making you clean up after himself? Does he even apologize? Even though an apology with no changed behavior is nothing.
Get a plastic cover for the bed, put him in a separate bed when he’s been drinking, and look into support for friends/family of alcoholics for you. If you don’t see each other for a long time, and then visit with each other rarely, it’s sad that he’s spending all that time together getting drunk.
The difference between you and him is you’re worried about coming off inconsiderate when he is literally peeing on you girl!! Does he not feel any shame? It’s one thing if it’s an accident, but for him to keep drinking and know this will happen? 🫤
If he won’t quit drinking, I’d end this. But I am in a cranky mood.
girl…his ureter or kidney is facing some big issue here, has he gone to the doctor? i dont think you’re being inconsiderate, in fact, it sounds like he is because surely, he should know or his friends would have told him before that he pisses everywhere when he drinks too much? set some boundaries or he’s gonna pee on u for the rest of ur life u spend with him
You don’t see this as a big issue? Wow, the bar has gotten so fucking low.
He has an alcohol use disorder (binge drinking) and he’s quite literally pissing the bed because he’s so drunk he doesn’t wake up to pee.
I could get over that one time after a rager in college when someone is new to drinking and young and stupid.
But he does this every time.
I don’t understand why you’re worried about being inconsiderate. He sure as hell isn’t being considerate.
He’s not a toddler being potty trained having an accident. He isn’t using a urinal because he’s paralyzed and accidentally spilling it. You don’t need to be considerate.
“This pissing the bed thing is not okay. If you can’t stop drinking to the point you lose control of your bodily functions, I have to reevaluate this relationship. It’s unacceptable.”
And just as an FYI? Alcohol affects different parts of the brain as blood alcohol goes up. By the time someone is losing control of their bodily functions, it’s affecting parts of the brain that also control BREATHING. This is dangerous drinking.
Why is this a question. He is an alcoholic and you need to leave him. You mean to tell me in that state you live in you can’t find a man who does not wet the bed? Go find a decent guy that does not drink to the point that he can’t control his bladder. If you stay with him you have a miserable life. Sorry it’s the truth.
I’m (39f) and have been going through this with my partner. Admittedly, he has a drinking problem throughout our relationship. I have adjusted my consumption but have my own slip ups from time to time. Who am I to judge?
Well, I just bought a new mattress before my partner moved in with me. He has had accidents a handful of times in our three year relationship. I cleaned it the first time, and he has thereafter. I’ve had some very hard conversations with him and have had to put my foot down. I’ve considered leaving the relationship, even.
Here’s the thing. If you love this person, you’ll commit to supporting them. It’s that simple. Life is not easy, and this decision isn’t for everyone. Having a support system is important, and leading by example can change their environment to help lead to positive choices. We have to stop giving up on the ones we love and have some sense of loyalty. Help them through it.
Setting boundaries is okay, too. Marriage requires a form of discipline, so know your limits on what you’ll allow for yourself. After all, you deserve someone who will be there for you, too.
I knew an alcoholic once that did this. He is sober now and hasn’t had an issue since. Your boyfriend needs to quit drinking.
Ask him if he has ever seen a doctor about his urinary incontinence. He should not be wetting the bed as an adult. Insist that he consult a doctor or else sleepover time ends.
At the very least, but and use a plastic mattress cover that goes under the fitted sheet and make him change the fitted sheet every time this happens.
It is a huge issue. If drinking interferes
with a common life, it is a problem.
Start going to alanon.
If you choose to stay with him with the way it is, tell him he needs to wear an adult diaper or you will no longer stay the night with him.
Dump this loser
He simply needs to drink less. If he’s drinking so much he can’t wake up to go to the bathroom he has a serious problem.
Genuinely not judging, but the bigger issue is that YOU tolerate it. You are allowing yourself to share the bed that he will assuredly urinate in. He is literally and figuratively urinating on you. If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything. Set boundaries, don’t share a bed with him. He will adapt/rise to respect you or it wasn’t meant to be.