I’m 27 (M) and are trying things out again with her F(29). We were together since April 2024 before we broke up in March 2025, a few months ago. In all honesty I broke up with her, her attitude wasn’t helping much and didn’t show much effort. There’s this guy who according to her was her “fuckbuddy”. She told me her whole story, how they had a deep sexual connection , etc. Yes , I know she was wrong for telling me that, but she did. She was in love with this jerk who never wanted anything other than sex from her, she wanted more but this guy obviously never took her seriously…This was before she met me, we had an overall good relationship, ups and downs. She mentioned once she had blocked this guy from all her social media accounts, including his phone number. In January 2025 , she confessed she unblocked him, because we had had a fight, I confirmed they never spoke or saw each other, but to me it meant that was a step to something bigger. This guy was clearly an issue and we both knew it. Anyway, I forgave her, and tried to let it go, I was clear asking her not to have any type of connection with him no more. We broke 2 months later and reconnected in June. I noticed her attitude was better and we both agreed to try again. We’ve been dating again for a couple months, but she confessed a few days ago, when we weren’t together, that she had sex with him again. To be honest I don’t care if she was with other guys when she was single, I hooked up with a girl too who had absolutely nothing to do with my relationship with her. I was devastated when I found out, not because she had sex with another guy, we were both single again for a few months, but why him? After he was an asshole and used her, treated her like shit, she went back to him again. It’s painful to accept and move on from that, I moved on from what happened in January, but her having sex with him again?! We weren’t together but it still feels like I got cheated on, like why this guy? It gives me a feeling of insecurity, and I feel this guy has so much control over her which she can’t handle, it’s rough because I can’t take it off my head. I keep picturing both having sex and can’t get it off my head. She is trying too and proved she blocked him again, but it’s too hard for me to move on, I love her and I want to believe she loves me too, she seems commited and is definitely trying harder this time, but I just find it very hard to move on from this. Even when we have sex, I still can’t get the picture of him fucking her. She claims she was single and could do what she wanted, which is true, but again, why him? After knowing how I feel about him and after what happened in January, I technically did not get cheated on, but it still feels the same way. She is going to therapy to move on from that, same as me, and we are even doing couples therapy because we are both commited to making it work, but it’s very challenging for me to just move on from this , I don’t know what to do… Do you think this dude can just have her whenever he pleases? I’ve treated her like a queen and she knows it, like I said I just feel this guy has so much control over her to a point she’s not even aware, and yes, it is depressing, I could be wrong but it’s still a shitty situation, I feel like I’m competing against.
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Why him? Because that’s what girls do they like to return to the comfort of the familiar for guys it’s not like that. If you can’t compartmentalize him as just a random dude then you probably should split for good. Although you can certainly tell her that if she ever contact this guy again it’s over
She’s hung up on him. You are #2. When he comes calling again, she’ll be right there with a mouth, a hand, or whatever else he wants.
If he was actually into her, she wouldn’t be with you. Just walk.
You gave it a shot, you can’t get over it. I would just end it.
Do not go backwards.
Stop fucking around with her.
What people do on breaks shows where their heart really is. She wants him. Probably always will. You can’t change someone’s deepest desires and hers are pretty clear.
Wait…she had a connection with someone before yall started dating. After you broke up, she went back to him. You’re saying she did something wrong by being honest with you in the beginning? I’m so confused. You’re writing like she’s done something wrong, and the only thing I see is that she unblocked the guy. That’s not great, for sure. But what about her attitude was bad? I don’t know, this just doesn’t add up to me.
She went for sex that she knew was going to be good.
Who knows whether a random whoever is any good at sex.
The old fwb was a safe choice 🤷🏼♀️
Sorry dude. It’s going to be hard being with her thinking that the next time you have a fight, he’s unblocked again.
You’re her plan b, with so much crap between you, for your mental health find your plan A partner.
That guy will always be in her and your head, no amount of therapy will erase the sex she loves having with him.
Then don’t. Choose you and bounce
You don’t need our permission to live your best life
It’s best to move on. This guy has been a thorn in the relationship since inception and now it will always continue to be the case—every fight will lead to more mistrust. The relationship is degrading rapidly.
Why him? Because they “had a deep sexual connection”, she wanted more from him, and she’s not over him.
Not sure why you’re messing with this one.
He will always have control over her… best to leave her. She belongs to him
This is how it feels to be the second choice. You’ll always be the guy she settled for. Any time he wants to have sex with her he can and you know it. I’m not sure how that feeling goes away. Blocking someone doesn’t do anything, one click and they’re unblocked again.
That other guy is her first choice and the guy she wishes she could be with. If she could be with him, she would drop you in a second. You’re just her second choice at best.
Even if you stay with her, whenever the other guy gets horny and manages to put the moves on her again there’s always a good chance she will be unable to resist and cheat on you.
Late 20s is too old to be playing games like this. She’s demonstrated how weak she is to his charms too many times. You guys are in therapy over this guy and you aren’t even married! You’ve broken up before because your instincts were trying to tell you something. Listen to them, leave and don’t look back.
You aren’t her first choice. I’m sorry OP. You should move on from her. She needs to talk to a therapist and find her self worth because she’s still pining for this AH.