My boyfriend and I have only been together for about 3 months, but have been very close for about two years. About a month ago, he checked himself into the psych ward because of anxiety and depression. I have been nothing but supportive of him, and I’m trying my very best to not blow up over this but I feel like he is completely disregarding my feelings.
While he was in the hospital, he met a woman who is more than twice his age, has kids that she lost custody of, and has a drug/alcohol problem. When he got out of the hospital he told me that he met a new friend and that they were going to ‘help each other stay sober’. The past month they have been hanging out, driving around together, and hanging out at her apartment. I want to mention that this is not a gender issue. My boyfriend and I both have friends of the opposite gender. My issue comes from the fact that this woman is a train wreck. I could not imagine myself at the age of 45 driving a 21 year old around and ‘hanging out’. I also do not think this is a sexual relationship either. My boyfriend has a minimal contact relationship with his mother who is around the same age and also addicted to drugs and alcohol, so to me it seems like he is trying to fill that void?
Either way, this relationship is rubbing me the wrong way. The last two times he has seen this woman, he ended up sleeping at her apartment because he was either drinking or had no ride home. I got very upset, and I told him that I am not comfortable with what they’re doing and I would appreciate it if he does not go and sleep at her apartment in the middle of the night. His response was that he should be able to have friends and surround himself with whoever he wants as long as he is being honest with me and letting me know what he’s doing. I asked him if he would be comfortable with me hanging out with a man I just met who is twice my age in the middle of the night and he said that he would not care.
I tried to tell him that I think there is something very weird about the dynamic of this ‘friendship’ and I don’t want him to surround himself with someone who has drug/alcohol problems, unemployed, and lost custody of her children. He told me that he feels like I’m ‘taking away air and water’ from him so I told him if this is what he wants to do with himself, then I’m not going to be there for it. I haven’t spoken to him since.
I’m just really hurt right now and I don’t know if I should address this again with him as he has tried texting me but I’m so angry that I don’t even want to respond. I have been supportive of him for the past few years with his mental health issues and he isn’t even grateful for that. He is being so dismissive seemingly out of nowhere. He was not like this before he went into the hospital. It’s like a completely different person came out and not only am I hurt but I am worried about his safety and his future. Is there anything else I should be saying/doing? Or is it time to just let it go?
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Believe your guts, his family should be aware of this situation too, he might being groomed