Hello! I am hoping to get some advice on intimacy after infidelity.
I, 25F, and my husband, 32M have been together for 7 years and married for almost 6. In May-ish of 2023, he was texting with someone and almost met up with them to hookup. It was weird, because multiple times he told her he was married but still was willing to meet (at the hotel he was staying at as he was out of town visiting a friend) so it was bad. I dont remember why but it didnt end up happening, and i confronted him when he got back to town. That was following some pretty serious family/life changes involving my moms death and us taking in my older brother that was an alcoholic to try and help. Well anyway long story short before the texting incident we hadn’t really been sleeping together or communicating well for about 10 months, then I found out and we went to marriage counseling for about 6 months and had our surprise second child which ultimately was the deciding factor in working it out (in addition to skills and things learned during counceling).
I feel like our relationship is worlds better than it was before all of that happened, and I do believe he regrets the choices he’s made. But when it comes to him pleasuring me it is just so ticklish and it has been since that happened. Like if he fingers me or does oral I just almost cant handle it because it tickles so much. I can tell he is a bit frustrated sometimes (never mean or does anything I dont want to do, just seems disappointed to skip to the intercourse and not have any foreplay where he’s touching my parts).
The only thing that helps is having a few drinks first…..does anyone have any idea how I can help myself get to a point where its not like that? We have sex at least 4 times a week but usually more, so I dont think its a lack of frequency or that im not…used to it? I just dont know.
I feel like it must be rooted somehow in distrust im still holding but I have no idea how to help that, and additional counseling currently isn’t financially an option for us at this time. We dont argue about it, its not really a point of pain for the relationship but its something that would be nice if it didnt happen anymore 😅
Thank you for reading and any kind advice!!
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
First of all, the age gap
Second of all, he tried to cheat on you. Even if he didn’t go through it, he tried.
Why are you staying with a man who openly tried to cheat on you (betray you) he was willing to meet that women. If you never confronted, you’d never know.
I don’t have any advice when it comes to sex. But I do when it’s comes to a long term relationship. Why are you committed to man, who’s not committed to you. Why are you staying with man who couldn’t think about you for a slight second when he was planning to cheat. Yeah he was PLANNING. so my question is WHY??
Might you be more tense during foreplay than you seem to acknowledge here? You imply, I think, that feeling ticklish was not an issue before but only more recently? I know if I am slightly nervous or tense, I’m more likely to be ticklish.
Alternatively, do you think he touches you differently to before? It seems a heck of a lot has been happening in your lives, so it seems plausible you behave and touch differently with each other when intimate again.
Girl, I’m sorry but how do you not remember every excruciating detail of what went down? 😅 just two years ago, regarding a very pivotal moment in your relationship.
Anyway, idk about the ticklish thing. You’ve been together a very long time and it never tickled when he touched you like that before?
I guess for advice I’d say if he wants more foreplay and you’re too ticklish, then you do it to him 🤷🏻♀️