My (24F) boyfriend (24M) and I have been together for about 8 years now and have been very rocky. We recently got pregnant and had a miscarriage shortly after. In that time my family stopped talking to us and we were essentially forced to get married. However the day of the wedding I ended up at the hospital & everything was cancelled. During everything he was very loving and supportive but now that he has left back to work he has stopped answering me & ignores me every time I tell him something or try to look for him. We’ve argued so bad the last days and I told him he can’t keep ignoring me which he replied that yes he could for as long as he wanted. I then got upset and told him he can’t ignore me the month he’s at work and expect to have a partner once he gets home because it doesn’t work like that. It seems like everytime I try to talk it out with him he just gives one word responses. I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t bother looking for him anymore. He post on social media he’s always posting about his day shares stuff about how he’s feeling he just doesn’t answer me bc he said he doesn’t want to talk because he’s overwhelmed and mentally tired. However how long is it okay to go without talking for. I know he’s sad about the baby because he was so excited and wanted to start a family for the longest time but I feel crazy for wanting my partners support and getting upset with how he’s being. I don’t know what to do I feel like this time is so hard for me especially with it being my first pregnancy and my body still trying to recover from everything. I don’t understand how he went from being so loving and supportive when he was home, to the complete opposite once he left to work. I’m at a loss and don’t want to be dealing with this but I also don’t want to give up.
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I’m in no means trying to scare you but look through that man’s phone. His attention is directed somewhere else now and give him the cold shoulder for seven days. You will see how much you matter to him.
Sounds like your relationship has run its course. You can either call it or talk about going to couples’ therapy with your boyfriend. If he says he doesn’t want to go then you’ll have your answer.
Loss can affect people in a lot of different ways. It sounds like he’s either still processing the miscarriage or otherwise has some real deep rooted issues regarding the relationship. Either way, I think therapy would be a really good idea and would provide a safe place to talk things out and figure out what is going on.
You’re only the problem if you don’t leave this relationship. You deserve better, time to pack up and leave.
You are not the problem here. While it is understandable that he is grieving the loss you both experienced, which to some people means time alone to process, the way he is going about it is not acceptable. He should have made sure you are ok and then communicated that he needs some time to himself to work through his feelings. However, he didn’t do that. He is ghosting you while communicating with others and leaving you alone to deal with the physical, mental, and emotional toll of what you have gone through. Personally, I wouldn’t want him back in my life after abandoning me at what is most likely the most stressful situation you both have ever experienced. I am sorry for your loss.
There’s no correct answer as to how much you can wait on him. It’s more a question of how long can you keep it going? It sounds like you both might be grieving but he’s translated that to get distance between you two to process it and didn’t even care to communicate it.
I think the bigger issue is how he’s handling a big conflict like this and how unreachable he’s being. I would ask myself if I can be with a person that will avoid to communicate with me when something like this happens
This is all kinda confusing and sounds VERY unhealthy.
Having a baby when your relationship is “rocky” isn’t a great idea. And why would your family not talking to you force you to get married?!
Miscarriage is hard but that’s no excuse for your partner to go Jekyll and Hyde on you. He sounds very immature. You sound very passive. The relationship sounds toxic and tbh finished. It’s good that you didn’t get married.
Relationships only work when you’re a team. When you’re kind and supportive to each other. When you communicate and treat each other as equals. None of that is happening here.
It sounds like your family suck too, but you need to get out of this relationship. It isn’t working. You’re lucky that you’ve been able to see that before you’re trapped in a marriage with kids. If you still allow that to happen now then you’re a fool. This is your heads up to leave.
I didn’t even need to read this one. FInd yourself a good man, the one you’ve got is rotten.
I’m sorry for your loss but I think this is a something to be grateful for in the end. All of this happened because you shouldn’t be having kids or marrying this guy. Now is your chance to end this toxicity, grow and find something much better.
You’ve been dating someone since you were a teenager, for years. Became pregnant and lost the baby. Were getting married and canceled the wedding. Had family who for unknown reasons have disowned you.
Regardless of his behavior surely some counseling potentially for grief and maybe uncovering other issues might be helpful. For all we know his bad behavior is attributable to an inability to process grief or stress too.
I’m sure you don’t want to hear it however, the likelihood if you haven’t met your best life’s partner at age 16 is not high. Part of working on your grief maybe will help you address the grief you feel about leaving this relationship behind.
My sympathy on your losses, and best wishes.
No. Miscarriages are surprisingly common. He should not be blaming you for it. Many women I know have had a miscarriage.
Maybe the loss of the child made him realize that he doesn’t want a future with you. Given your history of conflict, maybe the baby was the last thread holding the relationship together. Now that it no longer exists, he has checked out. I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m not sure why you want to hold onto this relationship! A forced marriage, poor communication skills, etc What exactly are you missing?
Time to call it a day. You deserve better xx